Friday Night. I need an Arfcom Jury. Sentencing is complete.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Friday Night. I need an Arfcom Jury. Sentencing is complete. (Page 1 of 2)

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:25:13 PM EDT

I caught these three last night. I have been seeing their pointy little cloven hoof tracks all around my prime deer hunting area for months now. I shot one of their older cousins recently and ate him. Two of these little bastards have fallen prey to my wily tactics and now stand before you ready to be tried. One made off with a mouthful of corn when I was trying to fish him out of the trap. Little pigger was giving me the middle hoof when he rounded the distant thicket.

Charges:

1. Stinky.
2. Squealy.
3. Not enough bacon production.
4. Stealing my corn in the dead of night.
5. Robbing the local native wildlife of their food sources. Eating white oak acorns like they have permission.
6. Tagging the local trees with their muddy rubs like ganstas. Forthwith known as "Pigstas".
7. Resisting arrest. Both of the little pigstas nipped at me when I was fishing them out.

As judge, I can see only two outcomes of the trial:
1. Death by .45LC...right betwixt the eyes...kinda of a "pig o' truth" , execution to be carried out my midnight Sunday Dec 8, 2012. I will then of course skin and eat them.
2. Delayed death by .45LC...right betwixt the eyes at the weight of 100 lbs or so . Term of imprisonment shall be served in a 20' x 40' cattle panel pen located in the woods behind my home. Hog feed, corn, and rice bran shall be served daily. Shelter shall be provided. Dirty water shall be provided. Ancillary duties shall be the training of my young hog dog pups (13 weeks old) who shall, twice per week, run around the "pen" and bark at the pigs for 15 minutes. At the end of served sentence, pigstas shall be executed, processed, and consumed.

The two on the left are the incarcerated.

ETA: The jury has spoken. Delayed execution.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:28:15 PM EDT

[#1]

Put little hats on them and take 'em out for a beer.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:30:19 PM EDT

[#2]

Fatten' them up, then....

Start makin bacon.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:33:40 PM EDT

[#3]

Quoted:
Put little hats on them and take 'em out for a beer.

They'd need diapers as well I suppose.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:35:41 PM EDT

[#4]

I aint ever seen no opossum like that.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:35:42 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
Fatten' them up, then....

Start makin bacon.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:35:49 PM EDT

[#6]

You should allow them to ascend and to assume their divine form . . .

BACON!!!

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:38:47 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Put little hats on them and take 'em out for a beer.

They'd need diapers as well I suppose.

Pigs usually shit in just one corner of their enclosure. I didn't say take em somewhere fancy

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:39:14 PM EDT

[#8]

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:39:39 PM EDT

[#9]

If you give those pigs some pancakes, eventually you'll get maple syrup flavored bacon.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:40:44 PM EDT

[#10]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Put little hats on them and take 'em out for a beer.

They'd need diapers as well I suppose.

Pigs usually shit in just one corner of their enclosure. I didn't say take em somewhere fancy

Bowling?

ETA: Wait, will that work? If you feed them strictly maple syrup, would you have maple ham without any added maple flavor

Speed

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:40:56 PM EDT

[#11]

They look . . . fuzzy. Pigs aren't supposed to be fuzzy, are they?

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:41:57 PM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Put little hats on them and take 'em out for a beer.

They'd need diapers as well I suppose.

Pigs usually shit in just one corner of their enclosure. I didn't say take em somewhere fancy

We only eat McDonalds once a month.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:42:52 PM EDT

[#13]

give them pinwheels and take them ziplining.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:42:58 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
They look . . . fuzzy. Pigs aren't supposed to be fuzzy, are they?

You must be talking about the middle one. He was kinda soft feeling. His hair is wavy which is kinda odd.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:43:48 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
give them pinwheels and take them ziplining.

http://external.ak.fbcdn.net/safe_image.php?d=AQDGhWcb-fuxJcBe&url=http%3A%2F%2Fi3.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2F6TlNOwwQQJk%2Fhqdefault.jpg

Bad behavior will not be tolerated around these parts nor will it be rewarded with ziplining or parasailing.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:44:34 PM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:

Quoted:
They look . . . fuzzy. Pigs aren't supposed to be fuzzy, are they?

You must be talking about the middle one. He was kinda soft feeling. His hair is wavy which is kinda odd.

maybe you've been infiltrated by midget furries?

or, you've finally captured a grow-your-own-bacon fantasy kit.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:46:03 PM EDT

[#17]

Feed the three little pigs to the big bad wolf.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:46:59 PM EDT

[#18]

I'm of the opinion that they should be put immediately to death and henceforth be converted into sausage. Too much effort to bacon them up, and besides I'm betting that the other pigstas will be bigger and more palatable when they come and try a drive by oinking.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:47:02 PM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:

Quoted:
They look . . . fuzzy. Pigs aren't supposed to be fuzzy, are they?

You must be talking about the middle one. He was kinda soft feeling. His hair is wavy which is kinda odd.

maybe you've been infiltrated by midget furries?

or, you've finally captured a grow-your-own-bacon fantasy kit.

Do you work in marketing perchance?

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:47:34 PM EDT

[#20]

Are they gilts or boars?

If they are gilts I would grain them out for few months first. But I'm silly like that.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:47:35 PM EDT

[#21]

Can you get a rubberband on them? If you can cut them, bob the tail off for EZ identification later on. Release, one two years later, bar hog, profit.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:47:42 PM EDT

[#22]

Quoted:

Quoted:
They look . . . fuzzy. Pigs aren't supposed to be fuzzy, are they?

You must be talking about the middle one. He was kinda soft feeling. His hair is wavy which is kinda odd.

maybe you've been infiltrated by midget furries?

or, you've finally captured a grow-your-own-bacon fantasy kit.

Do you work in marketing perchance?

no sir. high speed aluminum tubing. why do you ask?

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:48:28 PM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:
Can you get a rubberband on them? If you can cut them, bob the tail off for EZ identification later on. Release, one to two years later, bar hog, profit.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:48:35 PM EDT

[#24]

we all need moar bacon. fatten the little bastards up nice an' thick like and shoot em later. make it worth the round

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:50:42 PM EDT

[#25]

Weeeeeeeeeeee, Weeeeeeeeeeeeee, Weeeeeeeeeeeeee

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:51:18 PM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:
I'm of the opinion that they should be put immediately to death and henceforth be converted into sausage. Too much effort to bacon them up, and besides I'm betting that the other pigstas will be bigger and more palatable when they come and try a drive by oinking.

All good points.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:52:40 PM EDT

[#27]

Eat the piglets. They taste great and their parents are out there somewhere just waiting to be turned to bacon.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:53:28 PM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:

Quoted:
They look . . . fuzzy. Pigs aren't supposed to be fuzzy, are they?

You must be talking about the middle one. He was kinda soft feeling. His hair is wavy which is kinda odd.

maybe you've been infiltrated by midget furries?

or, you've finally captured a grow-your-own-bacon fantasy kit.

Do you work in marketing perchance?

no sir. high speed aluminum tubing. why do you ask?

The grow-your-own bacon fantasy kit. Has a nice ring to it that makes my salivary glands go into warp drive.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:54:41 PM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Can you get a rubberband on them? If you can cut them, bob the tail off for EZ identification later on. Release, one to two years later, bar hog, profit.

I haven't checked yet. We got lots of people hog hunting around here though. My luck would be someone else would take them.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:54:43 PM EDT

[#30]

Quoted:

Quoted:
They look . . . fuzzy. Pigs aren't supposed to be fuzzy, are they?

You must be talking about the middle one. He was kinda soft feeling. His hair is wavy which is kinda odd.

maybe you've been infiltrated by midget furries?

or, you've finally captured a grow-your-own-bacon fantasy kit.

Do you work in marketing perchance?

no sir. high speed aluminum tubing. why do you ask?

The grow-your-own bacon fantasy kit. Has a nice ring to it that makes my salivary glands go into warp drive.

does sound like a good idea.

hell, i'd buy one.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:56:07 PM EDT

[#31]

They are made out of bacon

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:58:54 PM EDT

[#32]

Add corn judiciously for a month or 2 then cook low and slow.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:59:07 PM EDT

[#33]

They will only breed further. Kill them now.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:03:29 PM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:
They will only breed further. Kill them now.

These two aren't.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:05:29 PM EDT

[#35]

Eat one now, fatten the other for eating later. solved!

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:07:11 PM EDT

[#36]

Get them fat first. Also, your dogs will appreciate the exercise.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:09:00 PM EDT

[#37]

Release them into the wild.....................of Walmart.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:12:33 PM EDT

[#38]

remember, they'll taste like what you feed em',,,
here comes some BEER SAUSAGE !!!!!!

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:12:57 PM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:
Release them into the wild.....................of Walmart.

Damn that would be awesome lol.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:51:53 PM EDT

[#40]

.45 LC? .22 short is way cheaper.

I might have kneejerked a plea for leniency based on their cuteness, but I vote they should fry after they fatten' up a bit.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:54:12 PM EDT

[#41]

I'd get them fat then choot 'em. Think of all the fun the dags will have.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:56:39 PM EDT

[#42]

I wouldn't wait till Sunday. Plenty of their friends out in the wild getting fattened up all on their own just waiting for you to catch them.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:59:03 PM EDT

[#43]

So the third one escaped?

Both female?

Fatten for slaughter.

Posted: 1/6/2012 4:08:23 PM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:
So the third one escaped?

Both female?

Fatten for slaughter.

Yeah I had a little dog crate pushed up into the swing door opening of the trap. I wasn't prepared for the red striped one to come when he did and he knocked the crate aside and beat a hasty retreat down a back alley into the hood.