Would you get a prostitute if...? [New Scenario!]

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Posted: 1/6/2012 1:52:55 PM EDT

So how hard up would you have to be to hire a 100 year old prostitute?

http://bisserjeta.hsara.com/2012/01/100-year-old-prostitute-still-going-strong/

She says advanced age has several advantages. “Losing all my teeth has been a Godsend, I can tell you. And if someone has a foot fetish, but also likes breasts, in my case they’re in the same general area.”

Being more than a century old certainly hasn’t diminished her creativity either. “I can do more things with a tire-swing and a rolling pin than you could ever possibly imagine.”

Posted: 1/6/2012 1:53:58 PM EDT

[#1]

Bucket list?

Posted: 1/6/2012 1:54:53 PM EDT

[#2]

What the fucking fuckety fuck?

Posted: 1/6/2012 1:55:09 PM EDT

[#3]

Whatever floats yer boat

Posted: 1/6/2012 1:55:37 PM EDT

[#4]

Yeah, I guess.

Posted: 1/6/2012 1:56:15 PM EDT

[#5]

Hair?

Posted: 1/6/2012 1:56:58 PM EDT

[#6]

Mother of God.

Posted: 1/6/2012 1:57:37 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:
Mother of God.

Grandmother, maybe

Posted: 1/6/2012 1:59:14 PM EDT

[#8]

dusty in there

Posted: 1/6/2012 1:59:22 PM EDT

[#9]

Her nickname must be . Miss Gumby.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:01:59 PM EDT

[#10]

If she's been turning tricks for 80+ years, she's gotta have some mad skills, yo!

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:02:05 PM EDT

[#11]

Do the curtains match the rug?

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:03:38 PM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
And if someone has a foot fetish, but also likes breasts, in my case they’re in the same general area.”

thats funny stuff

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:04:48 PM EDT

[#13]

If ever there was a thread that called for this, . . . this is it

. . .

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:05:05 PM EDT

[#14]

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:05:09 PM EDT

[#15]

And if someone has a foot fetish, but also likes breasts, in my case they’re in the same general area.”

She's got humor

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:06:47 PM EDT

[#16]

It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:10:30 PM EDT

[#17]

How many can say they have banged a Centenarian?

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:12:11 PM EDT

[#18]

I got nothin' against hookers, but...

nope. bullet in the head first.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:12:30 PM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:
How many can say they have banged a Centenarian?

How many want to??????

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:15:02 PM EDT

[#20]

I couldn't help but laugh. Not so much because it was funny, but because I didn't know what else to do.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:17:31 PM EDT

[#21]

Quoted:

Quoted:
How many can say they have banged a Centenarian?

How many want to??????

Would banging a 20 year old five times be the same?

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:18:08 PM EDT

[#22]

Quoted:
How many can say they have banged a Centenarian?

Just ask all the politicians at her birthday party.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:20:25 PM EDT

[#23]

Hey, no need for protection

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:21:09 PM EDT

[#24]

WTF

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:31:06 PM EDT

[#25]

I would only hit it if she was a veteran.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:35:47 PM EDT

[#26]

Reminds me of the story of a 93 year old guy who goes to a brothel. He's greeted at the door by the Madam who asks him what he wants and he says, "I want a piece of tail. How much?" She says, "For you, $800." He retorts, "$800! You must be puttin' me on!" She says, "No - that'll be another $200."

Also reminds me of the riddle:
What do walking a tight rope and getting head from a 100 year old hooker have in common?
In both cases, whatever you do, you don't want to look down.

Also reminds me of the guy who goes to a brothel but the Madam tells him there's a convention in town and all the hookers are booked for the night. He asks her if there's anything that she can do to help - he'll pay big. She says, "My granny's a former hooker. Maybe she'll take care of you." He agrees and the Madam sends him to a room in back where there's a 100 year old woman sitting in a chair watching tv. He explains how badly he needs to get off so she agrees to help. She tells him she's too dry to do it the regular way, or in the back door, and her false teeth bother her too much to give head, but she thinks she can help. So to his surprise, she pops out a glass eye and proceeds to wink him off. After they're done he gives her a huge tip and tells her, "That was the greatest I've ever had! I've got to come back to see you again." She replied, "Thanks, I'll keep my eye out for you."

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:46:26 PM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
Reminds me of the story of a 93 year old guy who goes to a brothel. He's greeted at the door by the Madam who asks him what he wants and he says, "I want a piece of tail. How much?" She says, "For you, $800." He retorts, "$800! You must be puttin' me on!" She says, "No - that'll be another $200."

Also reminds me of the riddle:
What do walking a tight rope and getting head from a 100 year old hooker have in common?
In both cases, whatever you do, you don't want to look down.

Also reminds me of the guy who goes to a brothel but the Madam tells him there's a convention in town and all the hookers are booked for the night. He asks her if there's anything that she can do to help - he'll pay big. She says, "My granny's a former hooker. Maybe she'll take care of you." He agrees and the Madam sends him to a room in back where there's a 100 year old woman sitting in a chair watching tv. He explains how badly he needs to get off so she agrees to help. She tells him she's too dry to do it the regular way, or in the back door, and her false teeth bother her too much to give head, but she thinks she can help. So to his surprise, she pops out a glass eye and proceeds to wink him off. After they're done he gives her a huge tip and tells her, "That was the greatest I've ever had! I've got to come back to see you again." She replied, "Thanks, I'll keep my eye out for you."

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:56:17 PM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:

It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta literally means 'with all seriousness' but is used in converstion a little more like 'are you kidding me?' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:57:08 PM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:

Quoted:
It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.

Party pooper!

Posted: 1/6/2012 2:59:48 PM EDT

[#30]

Quoted:

Quoted:

It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.

Party pooper!

I couldn't have all the basement dwellers here poppin viagra and booking flights.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:05:29 PM EDT

[#31]

Quoted:

Quoted:
It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.

Party pooper!

I couldn't have all the basement dwellers here poppin viagra and booking flights.

But just think about how it would stimulate the local economy!

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:07:08 PM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:

Quoted:

It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.

Party pooper!

I couldn't have all the basement dwellers here poppin viagra and booking flights.

But just think about how it would stimulate the local economy!

I was thinking of the riots when they got here and didn't find her.

It would be like the Occupy movement but with an actual reason to demonstrate.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:07:53 PM EDT

[#33]

Spongebob isn't on the local TV and we can repair our own printers.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:10:25 PM EDT

[#34]

i'll bet she gives a wicked gumjob.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:13:08 PM EDT

[#35]

Experience has gotta count for something.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:15:59 PM EDT

[#36]

no......thats just fuckin nasty

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:16:05 PM EDT

[#37]

Quoted:

So how hard up would you have to be to hire a 100 year old prostitute?

http://bisserjeta.hsara.com/2012/01/100-year-old-prostitute-still-going-strong/

https://fbcdn-profile-a.akamaihd.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/276929_302206099814512_909356858_n.jpg

She says advanced age has several advantages. "Losing all my teeth has been a Godsend, I can tell you. And if someone has a foot fetish, but also likes breasts, in my case they’re in the same general area.”

Being more than a century old certainly hasn’t diminished her creativity either. "I can do more things with a tire-swing and a rolling pin than you could ever possibly imagine.”

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:29:23 PM EDT

[#38]

Quoted:

Quoted:
It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.

Party pooper!

I couldn't have all the basement dwellers here poppin viagra and booking flights.

But just think about how it would stimulate the local economy!

I was thinking of the riots when they got here and didn't find her.

It would be like the Occupy movement but with an actual reason to demonstrate.

Most people won't read down this far, though... so we might get a few pages out of this yet...

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:34:00 PM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:

Quoted:

It sounds like a story that The Onion would write.

That's because it is.

It's a Maltese Parody site just like the Onion.

Bis-Serjeta means 'with all seriousness' and it takes the piss out of most local current events and a couple of international ones.

Party pooper!

I couldn't have all the basement dwellers here poppin viagra and booking flights.

But just think about how it would stimulate the local economy!

I was thinking of the riots when they got here and didn't find her.

It would be like the Occupy movement but with an actual reason to demonstrate.

Most people won't read down this far, though... so we might get a few pages out of this yet...

There was a bit of an uproar as most people didn't realize it was a joke, some complained that the police weren't doing the job and the church even condemned it

Look at some of the comments this one is priceless:

she might be old , but NEVER knew what sex was all about—–2 persons
male/female become one in flesh and spirit…………..don’t sell your soul for
2 minute fun + lust.

God STILL GIVE HER TIME TO REPENT , OTHER WISE SHE GOES TO HELL.

TURN OR BURN DORIS.

YOU A SERVANT OF SATIN– SO REPENT .

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:34:47 PM EDT

[#40]

god the nastiest joke i know would be PERFECT here....but its too long to type + i would get banned....but man is it funny.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:37:23 PM EDT

[#41]

Quoted:
god the nastiest joke i know would be PERFECT here....but its too long to type + i would get banned....but man is it funny.

if it's the better late than never joke, go ahead. make 'em rage.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:41:02 PM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:

Quoted:
How many can say they have banged a Centenarian?

How many want to??????

Would banging a 20 year old five times be the same?

Sure.
Just like when my wife asked me to give all 12 inches and make her bleed...

I had to do her twice and then punch her in the nose.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:41:27 PM EDT

[#43]

There's a growing problem with VD in nursing homes.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:43:17 PM EDT

[#44]

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:48:08 PM EDT

[#45]

Quoted:
There's a growing problem with VD in nursing homes.

Howard is the senior senior member of the nursing home and at the age of 94 still gets around pretty good. One of his favorite places to go is the garden where he can sit in seclusion and ponder his life's accomplishments.

One day another member of the home named Annebel walks in and the two begin to talk. Soon the conversation turns to sex and Howard says "that's what I miss most of all." The woman looks at the frail Howard and says "you old coot...what makes you think you can still get it up?" "I suppose you're right" says Howard "but at least it would be nice if someone would just hold it." The old woman saw no harm in this and agreed to "hold it" and this activity went on everyday for a couple of weeks.

One day Annebel went into the garden to be with Howard and he was nowhere to be found. She was told he was last seen in room 905 so off she went. Annebel arrives at room 905 and is shocked to find Howard with another nursing home member named Mabel. They are sitting together and Mabel is "holding it", Annebel instantly becomes irrate and shouts "Howard, how could you do this to me, what does she have that I don't have?"...Howard just smiles and says "Parkinson's".

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:51:55 PM EDT

[#46]

Hey grandma, your date is here.

Posted: 1/6/2012 3:55:53 PM EDT

[#47]

My ex-wife was a British army nurse, and she told me they had problems with soldiers deployed to Africa banging prostitutes without condoms. African prostitutes.

That's hard-up/stupid right there.