(sing to the tune of "Ballard of the Green Beret")

Security badges upon their chests
They are mammals Westec's best
Ogling chicks selling lemonade
These are Mall Ninja Brigade

Tactical sneakers on their feet
Ninjas ready for CQB
Infra-red on while people spends
They're so sweet I crap my pants

MP5's hanging from their side
One false move kiss your butt good-bye
Retail security is Ninjas' game
In polyester pants they are never lame

Ninjatsu they know by heart
Hooligans better not get smart
Cut off their heads, they can't make no bail
Far far away I hear guitars wail

In the morning they open doors
Busting their ass and saving yours
They all finished the seventh grade
Only these are Mall Ninja Brigade

[edited to correct grammatical error]

That's aewsome and original

Keving67

You know...

Even in Colorado, this is funny. Very Funny.

Goes on [url=www.mallninja.com]The Website[/url]when I get back in town.[:D]

Juggernaut

That is cool, and in cool I mean.......

You could submit it to MallNinja.com. They probably ask to remove the parts about you crapping your pants and hearing guitars wail since they are somewhat proprietary to RealUltimatePower.net. [:(]

Ballard? That's a neighborhood in Seattle.....

Proprietary as a Carbon15 Bolt.

I'll just put it in there, and hope no one notices-unless of course, Javak WANTS to re-write it. Ninja pop culture is on the rise again anyhow(must remember to write article about this for MallNinja.com, along with the Ultimate Zombie Shotgun setup article I'm too lazy to write...), so trying to segment this person's ninja funnyness from that one's is rather futile.

I'd say there's enough references to Mall Ninjas to make it on the fan subs page. Now, if you [i]want[/i] it to become the OFFICIAL ballad of Mall Ninjas Everywhere(R)(hint, hint), then give it another try without RealUltimateInfluences[:D]

Juggernaut

and the guy who found the Titanic.

It is also the name of a now closed school in Clark County Missouri.

medcop

I thought RealUltimatePower.com is now defunct or something.  It just wouldn't be funny without crapping my pants or guitar wailing, though.  The only reference missing is the pee-pee part.  I kinda ran dry at that point (no pun intended).  If anyone's to get upset over this, it's Westec Security (a real rent-a-cop outfit)

I shall meditate and make the song OFFICIAL.

The Ballard of Mall Ninja, take II

Security badges upon their chests
Security men America's best
Ogling chicks selling lemonade
These are Mall Ninja Brigade

Tactical sneakers on their feet
Ninjas ready for CQB
Ninjatsu they know by heart
Bought training manuals from WalMart

MP5's hanging from their sides
Infra-red on, they can see her thighs
Retail security is Ninjas' game
In polyester pants they are never lame

Uniforms got white sugar dust
One more donut their guts will bust
Patrolling mall in little golf cart
'Cuz the food court is just too far

In the morning they open doors
Busting theirs and saving yours
They all finished the seventh grade
Only these are Mall Ninja Brigade

Dude, I love that song, and by love I mean I really want to get that song liquored up and treat it like a coy altar boy.  Mazeltov, or is that Help! Mary!.