User Panel
User Panel
User Panel
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:38:08 AM EDT
[#1]
Favorite Joke: "This interview"
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:39:25 AM EDT
[#2]
time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:39:40 AM EDT
[#3]
Uh...I'll have a coke, then.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:40:32 AM EDT
[#4]
Where's that Indian I was supposed to wrestle?
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:42:16 AM EDT
[#5]
The Aristocrats!
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:42:49 AM EDT
[#6]
Quoted: Where's that Indian I was supposed to wrestle? This one might work if you were applying for an IT position. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:43:16 AM EDT
[#7]
So a family walks into a talent agency...
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:43:31 AM EDT
[#8]
Ya know, I ran into this earlier in the year at a career fair.
These two engineers were interviewing for a variety of jobs... "Hi, I'm Rem" "Hi, Rem...listen, we're going to be up front with you neither one of us has any interviewing expereience so its as stressful for us as it is you so...ummm...pshhhh...lets break the ice and get more comfortable...tell us a funny joke or something" "  ....uhhhhhhhhh...ummmmmmmmmmm...uhhhhhhh...derrrrrrrrr...uhhhhhhhh""ah hem...okay, we'll lets skip the joke..." The interview was conducted poorly by these two morons. Career services asked me to evaluate the interviews and I said something to effect of "I was fine and it went well for me...but the retards that interviewed me didn't have a freaking clue about anything. Will not work for them regardless of offer" |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:43:48 AM EDT
[#9]
Quoted: The Aristocrats! Love it. Although I'm not sure Barbara in HR would appreciate it much less understand it.  |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:44:29 AM EDT
[#10]
Velcro chaps.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:44:31 AM EDT
[#11]
Why did Princess Diana cross the street?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:44:58 AM EDT
[#12]
Sonofabitch Fish
One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before; the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, "Give it a shot, father." After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says, "Whoa, what a big sonofabitch!" The priest says, "Ah, please sir, can you mind your language?" The fisherman responds (thinking quickly), "I'm sorry father, but that's what this fish is called––-a sonofabitch!" "Oh, I'm sorry," says the priest. "I didn't know." After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop. "Eminence, look at this big sonofabitch!" "Please father," says the bishop. "Mind your language, this is a house of God." "No, you don't understand," says the priest. "That's what this fish is called, and I caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!" "Hmmm," says the bishop. "You know, I could clean this sonofabitch and we could have it for dinner." So the bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to Mother Superior at the convent. "Mother Superior, could you cook this sonofabitch for our dinner tonight with the Pope?" "My lord, what language!" says the mother. "No, sister," says the bishop. "That's what the fish is called––-a sonofabitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we'd like you to cook it" "Hmmm," replies Mother Superior. "Yes, I'll cook that sonofabitch tonight." While the Pope is over for dinner that evening he remarks that the fish is superb. He asks where they got it. "I caught the sonofabitch!" says the priest. "And I cleaned the sonofabitch!" says the bishop. "And I cooked the sonofabitch!" says Mother Superior. The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, but then takes off his hat, puts his feet up on the table, and says, "You know, you f***ers are all right.". |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:46:03 AM EDT
[#13]
Quoted: Why did Princess Diana cross the street? She wasn't wearing a seat belt. That's right up there with "What kind of wood doesn't float?" |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:46:21 AM EDT
[#14]
Quoted:
Why did Princess Diana cross the street? She wasn't wearing a seat belt. I rost
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:46:40 AM EDT
[#15]
Honest answer?
I'd probably say some lame engineering joke that everyone's heard a million times before. The question only exists to see if you have the ability to make good conversation and think on your feet. ARFCOM answer? What do you get when you cut open a dead baby with a razor? An erection! Eeeeey! |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:48:06 AM EDT
[#16]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Why did Princess Diana cross the street? She wasn't wearing a seat belt. I rost Thats fuckin horrible.. But so did I
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:48:39 AM EDT
[#17]
Quoted:
Why did Princess Diana cross the street? She wasn't wearing a seat belt. did you hear that she was on the radio a while back? and on the dashboard, and on the windshield... |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:51:50 AM EDT
[#18]
That's a tough one.
Most jokes have a slight element of being off colored, and that's the last thing you want to say for a first impression in the work place. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:53:50 AM EDT
[#19]
Quoted:
That's a tough one. Most jokes have a slight element of being off colored, and that's the last thing you want to say for a first impression in the work place. I agree, I just tried to think of one that wouldn't piss off someone, no way I could do it.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:54:51 AM EDT
[#20]
Quoted: Uh...I'll have a coke, then.  
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:55:32 AM EDT
[#21]
Being that I'm an engineer, I would tell an engineering joke!
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:58:12 AM EDT
[#22]
Quoted: Quoted: That's a tough one. Most jokes have a slight element of being off colored, and that's the last thing you want to say for a first impression in the work place. I agree, I just tried to think of one that wouldn't piss off someone, no way I could do it. Hence the conundrum. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 10:59:39 AM EDT
[#23]
I would lead them in a short prayer before the interview.
"Dear Lord, This has been a tough couple of years ... You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress Farrah Fawcett, my favorite musician Michael Jackson, my favorite salesman Billy Mays,, and my favorite athlete Steve McNair. "I just wanted you to know that my favorite president is Barack Obama. Amen |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:03:36 AM EDT
[#24]
Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: That's a tough one. Most jokes have a slight element of being off colored, and that's the last thing you want to say for a first impression in the work place. I agree, I just tried to think of one that wouldn't piss off someone, no way I could do it. Hence the conundrum. It's a trap. I don't know any jokes that would be appropriate for work. In all seriousness, I don't know any jokes at all. I didn't realize the position was "comic". |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:03:51 AM EDT
[#25]
"Quick as I catch my breath, I call him darlin'." The problem is that it's more story than joke, and takes about three or four minutes to tell properly.
Jane |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:04:58 AM EDT
[#26]
Quoted:
"Quick as I catch my breath, I call him darlin'." The problem is that it's more story than joke, and takes about three or four minutes to tell properly. Jane Intrigued. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:05:16 AM EDT
[#27]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Why did Princess Diana cross the street? She wasn't wearing a seat belt. That's right up there with "What kind of wood doesn't float?" Natalie? |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:05:42 AM EDT
[#28]
"I forgot the rest of the joke, but your mother is a whore".
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:06:28 AM EDT
[#29]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Why did Princess Diana cross the street? She wasn't wearing a seat belt. did you hear that she was on the radio a while back? and on the dashboard, and on the windshield... I hear she was always a very hygeine-conscious woman. She always made sure to have her Head & Shoulders in the glove compartment. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:07:22 AM EDT
[#30]
Quoted:
Being that I'm an engineer, I would tell an engineering joke! "Why can't they play at night?" |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:07:28 AM EDT
[#31]
Quoted:
Sonofabitch Fish lol
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:13:40 AM EDT
[#32]
Quoted:
"I forgot the rest of the joke, but your mother is a whore". I lost. One of the best SNL skits ever. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:17:29 AM EDT
[#33]
Q:What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: A quarter pounder with cheese. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:17:33 AM EDT
[#34]
My neighbour found out that her dog ( a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian.
The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the chemist and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The lady went to the chemist and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days." The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer." The pharmacist says, "Well stay off your bicycle for about a week." |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:20:32 AM EDT
[#35]
Get a job sparkling wiggles. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:24:29 AM EDT
[#36]
Quoted:
I would lead them in a short prayer before the interview. "Dear Lord, This has been a tough couple of years ... You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress Farrah Fawcett, my favorite musician Michael Jackson, my favorite salesman Billy Mays,, and my favorite athlete Steve McNair. "I just wanted you to know that my favorite president is Barack Obama. Amen Except, "Meet the 45th President of the United States, Joe Biden" is no joke at all. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:28:53 AM EDT
[#37]
I'd tell the font joke, it's clean and probably can't get me into much trouble.
Two fonts walk into a bar and order drinks. The bartender refuses and escorts them to the door. Why can't we have a drink they ask. The bartender replies, because we don't serve your TYPE in here. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:30:21 AM EDT
[#38]
Q: What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
A: Dr. Dre. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:30:45 AM EDT
[#39]
They're just looking for another reason to not hire you.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:37:33 AM EDT
[#40]
Did you hear Playboy offered Sarah Palin a full spread for next month?? Not to be out done National Geographic contacted Michelle Obama...
If asked to tell a joke I would immediately think of the WORST thing I could come up with |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:38:52 AM EDT
[#41]
Eric Holder.
Ha-ha. 
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:40:12 AM EDT
[#42]
what's brown and sticky?
A stick. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:45:37 AM EDT
[#43]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Why did Princess Diana cross the street? She wasn't wearing a seat belt. did you hear that she was on the radio a while back? and on the dashboard, and on the windshield... I hear she was always a very hygeine-conscious woman. She always made sure to have her Head & Shoulders in the glove compartment. Everyone expected her to marry a handsome Arab but she took a turn for a solidly built pole. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:46:08 AM EDT
[#44]
 "How come it takes three Polacks to screw up a light bulb? –– Cause they're so darn stupid!" |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:46:12 AM EDT
[#45]
Resort to the classics.
What is the difference between broccoli and boogers? Kids will eat boogers. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:46:47 AM EDT
[#46]
Quoted: time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana  |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:48:00 AM EDT
[#47]
Did you here the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
He lays in bed, tossing and turning, night after night....wondering whether or not there is a dog. *************** No profanity, no sex, no race...just a (very) little humor at the expense of a stupid nondescript person. Remember, this "tell a joke at the job interview" idea is not meant to make the interviewer laugh. It is designed to show the interviewer what sort of person the job candidate is, and whether or not they have the necessary viewpoint to work there. Telling an offensive joke equals "don't call us, we'll call you", especially if the interviewer is a politically correct corporate drone from HR. Steve |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:49:28 AM EDT
[#48]
There is a new Game Warden in town and he knows that Bubba is a outlaw where hunting out of season, and game limits are concerend. So the Game Warden decides to break the ice, let Bubba know who's boss so he takes Bubba fishing.
In the Game Wardens boat, Bubba is at one end, the GW is at the other. Bubba opens his tackle box, takes out a quarter stick of dynamite, lights it and tosses it in the lake, BOOM fish float to the surface. The GW is livid, starts telling Bubba how much the fine is, how he is going to jail. Bubba opens his tackle box, takes out a quarter stick of dynamite, lights the fuse, tosses the dynamite in the GW's end of the boat and says: Are yew gonna talk or are yew gonna fish? |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:53:49 AM EDT
[#49]
Quoted:
Resort to the classics. What is the difference between broccoli and boogers? Kids will eat boogers. Have to admit, I
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/28/2011 11:55:51 AM EDT
[#50]
Quoted:
There is a new Game Warden in town and he knows that Bubba is a outlaw where hunting out of season, and game limits are concerend. So the Game Warden decides to break the ice, let Bubba know who's boss so he takes Bubba fishing. In the Game Wardens boat, Bubba is at one end, the GW is at the other. Bubba opens his tackle box, takes out a quarter stick of dynamite, lights it and tosses it in the lake, BOOM fish float to the surface. The GW is livid, starts telling Bubba how much the fine is, how he is going to jail. Bubba opens his tackle box, takes out a quarter stick of dynamite, lights the fuse, tosses the dynamite in the GW's end of the boat and says: Are yew gonna talk or are yew gonna fish? I rost! |
|
|
Win a FREE Membership!
Sign up for the ARFCOM weekly newsletter and be entered to win a free ARFCOM membership. One new winner* is announced every week!
You will receive an email every Friday morning featuring the latest chatter from the hottest topics, breaking news surrounding legislation, as well as exclusive deals only available to ARFCOM email subscribers.
AR15.COM is the world's largest firearm community and is a gathering place for firearm enthusiasts of all types.
From hunters and military members, to competition shooters and general firearm enthusiasts, we welcome anyone who values and respects the way of the firearm.
Subscribe to our monthly Newsletter to receive firearm news, product discounts from your favorite Industry Partners, and more.
Copyright © 1996-2024 AR15.COM LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Any use of this content without express written consent is prohibited.
AR15.Com reserves the right to overwrite or replace any affiliate, commercial, or monetizable links, posted by users, with our own.
