I saw some shitbird get busted today.



One of the officers was a SMOKING hot woman...and by "smoking hot", I mean really cute, girl-next-door with a nice butt and a super-cute face.



This made me wonder, what would be the BEST line to use on a female cop if I were ever to get pulled over?



All I can come up with would be something along the lines of, "If you weren't so pretty, I'd be really pissed about getting pulled over."

So is court considered our first date or ?

In before you get cuffed and tazed

No words, just show her your dick.

Seriously, chicks dig a man who takes control.

I think that's his ultimate goal.

The few I've known have been kinda nuts, and chased uniforms.

I thnk the first step to nailing them is to put on a police uniform.

I'm not sure, but I can tell you what not to do. Don't run into her car.

I saw a hot lady cop once going into the convenience store, so I lingered so I could see her again when come out. Well, I did, then we both backed out of our parking spaces (we both were in small cars and there was a big SUV in between) in opposite directions and bumped into each other.

She was annoyed and insisted it was my fault, so I had to pay to re-paint her bumper.

Here, say exactly this:

Are you a single gal?

Yes/no

Want to go get a drink with me after work?

Yes/no

No, I'm serious.



The only problems with my idea are;



1) I never get pulled over.



2) If I DID get pulled over, the chance of it being a female cop is like 7%



3) If I was "lucky" enough to get pulled over by that 7%, a quarter of that would probably be lesbian, or look like one.



4) Of those non-lesbians, I would guess that 90% of them were married.



5) Of those 10% unmarried, non-lesbians, what are the chances that she would be really cute? Maybe 3%?

Logic rarely works well for me, and I don't drink much...



Which brings me down more...



What percent of that 3% from above would be faithful nymphomaniacs who don't drink?
 

I'm not going to tell you the exact odds there... but lets just say they are long. Real long.

"you know, your ass is really not bad at all considering you sit in that car all day baby"

"Ever use those cuffs on someone outside the line of duty"?

"You call that a nightstick? This is a nightstick!"

There is no one, great pick up line.  There's no way to figure out how she's going to react since all women are different.  I'd think you'd have better luck if you had regular contact with her since most LEOs have their 'game face' when on duty.  Just short of stalking her, I'd find out what gym she went to and hope to bump into her a couple of times and just ask her out.

Just say "hey you wanna fuck sometime?"

NEVER, I mean NEVER stick your dick in a woman who has a badge....NEVER!

Just get a "Honk if you are DTF" sticker for the rear window of your lifted Chevy.  Gets 'em every time.

How about something simple, like "FRISK THIS, BITCH!"


Ought to work, yes?

Should we take my case to the DA, or should we settle it at your place tonight?

Chicks dig confidence.  You got this one in the bag.



 

By these numbers I am getting a .01575% chance of being pulled over by a cute single non lesbian cop. And I think your numbers are hopeful.

Did ja shoot any dogs today??......Y'want to??......

I got a speeding ticket from a female cop once. She was good looking, but not smoking hot. I made no effort to pick her up.

You were not supposed to tell him the exact odds, he may not do it now! Could have potentially been excellent dash-cam footage

Best way to pick up a female cop.....?


I'm guessing by the belt.  Less chance of losing grip and dropping the poor lass.

the pirate wins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaPv5MXlnIg&feature=related



"Why dont they call you guys Officeress? you know like Actress?"

Run.

I was thinking of something along those same lines.

Fixed

"if i made a furtive movement on you, would you prone me out?"

that's all i got for now..

"Does your baton expand?  Because mine does."

So, what part of this is NOT stalking?



 

You can come over and shoot my dog anytime.....

So...THERE'S STILL A CHANCE!!!!







 

SIR PSYCHO SEXY
A long long long long time ago
before the wind before the snow
lived a man lived a man I know
lived a freak of nature named Sir Psycho

Sir Psycho Sexy that is me
sometimes I find I need to scream aah

He's a freak of nature but we love him so
he's a freak of nature but we let him go

Deep inside the garden of Eden
standing there with my hard on bleedin'
there's a devil in my dick and some demons in my semen
good God no that would be treason
believe me Eve she gave good reason
botty looking too good not to be squeezin' (squeezin')
oh creamy beaver hotter than a fever
I'm a givin' 'cause she's the reciever
I won't and I don't hang up until I please her
oh makin' her feel like an over achiever
I take it away for a minute just to tease her
then I give it back a little bit deeper (deeper)

Sir Psycho Sir Psycho yeah he's the man that I met 1 time
Sir Psycho Sir Psycho yeah he's the man that left me blind
Sir Psycho Sir Psycho yeah he's the man he's the man he's the man
Sir Psycho Sir Psycho yeah yeah

He's a freak of nature but we love him so
he's a freak of nature but we let him go

I got stopped by a lady cop
in my automobile
she said "get out and spread your legs"
and then she tried to cop a feel
that cop she was all dressed in blue
was she pretty? boy I'm tellin' you
she stuck my butt with her big black stick
I said "what's up?" now suck my dick
like a ram getting ready to jam the lamb
she whimpered just a little when she felt my hand
on her crotch so very warm
I could feel her getting wet through her uniform
proppin' her up on the black and white
unzipped and slipped "ooh that's tight"
I swatted her like no SWAT team can
turned a cherry pie right into jam (jam)

Sir Psycho Sir Psycho yeah
I'm the man that you met 1 time
Sir Psycho Sir Psycho yeah I'm the man that leave you blind
Sir Psycho Sir Psycho yeah I'm the man I'm the man I'm the man
Sir Psycho Sir Psycho yeah yeah

Hel-hel-hello young woman that I love
pretty punk rock mamma that I'm thinking of
hold me naked if you will
in your arms in your legs in you pussy I'd kill I'd kill
to be with you to kiss with you I do miss you I love you

Lay me down (x8)

Descending waves of graceful pleasure
for your love there is no measure
her curves they bend with subtle splendor

Oh now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the funk will make me freak
if I should die before I waked
allow me Lord to rock out naked
bored by the ordinary time to take a trip
calling up a little girl with a bull whip
lickety split go snap "snap"
girl gettin' off all in my lap
the tallest tree the sweetest sap
blowin' my ass right off the map
oohah and it's nice out here
I think I'll stay for a while

I was pulled over by a woman cop in colorado a few years ago.

I was sitting on the ground next to my motorcycle while she wrote the ticket. She told me that she didn't write me up for anything except the item she was required to by law (forgot my insurance papers or something).

She then touched my jacket and said "that is a really nice motorcycle jacket". By touched, I mean she put her hand on my arm and guided me closer. As in, "Take me!"

She was HOT.

I am absolutely convinced she would have or right there on the hood of her car.

Being a married man, I declined and found my way out of the situation.

So, basically, you saw the only one on the planet. Better get crackin'.

Ask her if you can SIIHPAPP

If she is a member of ARF.com it would be a great ice breaker that could end bad or end with the two of you laughing and more.

"Girlfriend hasn't been treating you right, huh sweetcheeks?"

Those are the best tits Ive ever seen to run a line of coke off of.

you know how I know you're gay?

If you mace me, does that mean you're into S&M?

Never invite the (wo)man into your life.

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Walk up to her and say "Mine's bigger."

When she turns toward you, point at her holster and repeat "Mine's bigger."

" Wanna play hide the night stick?"

Red Hot Chili Peppers addressed this scenario like 20 years ago.

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Mrs. Officah Mrs. Officah tell your lieutenant get dem cuffs off of ya......,