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So I went to see 'Resident Evil: Afterlife' in 3D (the only way it's offered, locally at least) last night.

1. That entire film was gayer than a fanny pack full of dicks, balls touching or two fistfuls of another mans KY-coated chest hair. Where was any semblance of a plot or continuity?

Click To View Spoiler

2. 3D? Cute...but it is too distracting. The occassional "Oh, there's an axe flying at the screen" would be fine. When every other fucking scene is a slow motion Matrix ripoff, followed up by 3D overkill...well...it makes my brain hurt. That and the 3D glasses make everything too dark. I tried watching the film without the glasses, but there was so much 3D pixelation going on that you didn't have any choice but to watch the damn thing with the shades on.

3. PG-13? That means no Meatlla, folks, which has occured in ever film so far.

It also leads into the rest of my post...

Three couples came in during the previews and sat down directly behind me. Immediately they start giggling, talking and generally acting the fool. I was annoyed but figured that they'd shut the fuck up once the movie started.

No dice.

About 5 minutes into the opening and the guys shut up...but their dates keep gabbering on. At this point I turn around and, as politely as I can muster, say "You want to keep it down?"

They shut up for about fifteen minutes before the occasional whisper turned into full blown giggling and laughing once more. Less patient, I turned back to the shadows behind me and said a little louder "Shut the fuck up!".

No reply. Dead silence. Mission accomplished.

30 minutes later, we're back to giggling and talking. Ever-prepared, I pulled the Surefire G2L LED from the pocket of my cargo pants, turned and delivered 120 lumens of retina-melting goodness (somewhat diminished by the tinted 3D glasses, I'm sure) to the offenders. Shrieks from the females...shrieks from the males. Grunts from the couple sitting a row or two behind them.

[chefsdad]Well, it was about this time that I noticed[/chefsdad] that the offenders weren't possibly a day over 15.

"Do your parents know you're here?" I asked.

"...yes..." one of them replied. I did not yet know that the film was the first of the PG-13 Resident Evil films.

The rest of the film was uneventful. While filing out of the theater, I spotted the couple behind the offenders and apologized for the light. The guy laughed it off...his date was a little less friendly about it. Such is life.

I treated myself to a bacon cheeseburger from Wendys, drove home and watched 'Enemy At The Gates' to cleanse my brain.

Cliff Notes:
The fallout due to the latest Resident Evil being rated PG-13 isn't limited to a lack of Meatlla, over the top gore, swearing or sexual content. You're going to have actual 13 year olds watching the film behind you.

P.S.
Don't be a cunt. If you want to talk plot, use spoiler tags.

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If a movie isn't rated at least R, you know it will suck in terms of realism.  

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Im old and dont like loud noises, children or dogs.

P.S.
Don't be a cunt. If you want to talk plot, use spoiler tags.
[/spoiler]

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Everything I found online says it is rated R. Why do you think its PG-13?

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This, I just checked Fandango

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The part in red is only part of why I think you kick ass.

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1/2 way through the credits a woman I didn't recognize who was a umbrella employee said "this will be the fight of your lives".

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So do you see Millas tits or not?

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The movie series turned to crap after the first movie. The Game series took a dump at RE:4. Sure, it was a fun game, but it had nothing to do with Resident Evil.

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???  Milla doesnt have very big knockers at all.  I guess you thought they should have just carried the tradition.  I'd rather have had ali larter expose her boobs this go around.

My GF and I left at the credits, and when we were walking out, they panned back to the movie but we missed it.  Can someone use the spoiler tag and tell me what I missed.

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120 lumens is pretty weak. My single AAA keychain light will produce 120 lumens.

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Here's The Footage

Click To View Spoiler

I want a reboot. I don't usually say that with movies...but I demand a fucking reboot of the series that is true to the original story.

I also want Milla to get a set of newbies...something between a healthy B cup and a tasteful C.

...and I want Paul Anderson brought before me so he can watch as I burn all that he loves.

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120 lumens is pretty weak. My single AAA keychain light will produce 120 lumens.

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I tried to Google "Meatlla" to figure out what you were talking about and I pulled up this thread again

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I think he means the "meat" on Milla, or her jugs.

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Here's The Footage

Click To View Spoiler

I want a reboot. I don't usually say that with movies...but I demand a fucking reboot of the series that is true to the original story.

I also want Milla to get a set of newbies...something between a healthy B cup and a tasteful C.

...and I want Paul Anderson brought before me so he can watch as I burn all that he loves.

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Seeing Millas titties has always been a high point of the series.

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Milla's tits are perfect as they are, heretic!!

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Plot wise, some of the hardest characters in the game were beaten too easily IMO (like a particular end battle in 5 was over very quickly in the movie) but I was pleased to see some of my favorite characters/technologies/villains for the first time on screen.

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Perky and pointy...quality is there. However, this is Arfcom and I want both quality and quantity. They don't need to be massive, drooping udders for me to enjoy...but what Milla is packing isn't enough quantity for my tastes.


Click To View Spoiler

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Bingo. Two cup sizes more and I'd be in love.

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As for Milla's boobs, GTFO.  Her boobs are perfect for her body type.  You put D cups on her and she's going to look like one of those stupid fucking WWE girls where fully 1/3 of her body weight is silicone.

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Like I said...a healthy B or a tasteful C would still be perfect, even for her skinny build. As thin as she is, a solid B cup would be grand without looking out of place.