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Posted: 4/7/2002 9:00:19 AM EDT
[#1]
"If you boys don't straigten up, I'm going to get my work belt.........."
I can only remember being swatted with the workbelt once. But Dad used to sit on the couch, fold the belt in half and snap it to let let us know that he was watching us and ment business. |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 9:04:37 AM EDT
[#2]
my early lesson on the word "if"..
"If the dog hadn't stop to crap, he would've caught the rabbit". Bravo5-2 |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 9:10:16 AM EDT
[#3]
Probably something like "you little ba#$^rd!" [;)]
Grandma's favorite saying was "Well, that's true too." She seemed to use it for everything, "Well, that's true too," until I almost hated to talk with her. It didn't take long for me to miss hearing it after she past on. |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 9:11:13 AM EDT
[#4]
"The more you stir shit the more it stinks"
Mom had a way with words. |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 9:28:57 AM EDT
[#5]
"Can't's a slugger, too lazy to try." Being sorta slow, it took me a while to figure that out. Another favorite of my Mom's "If you got the money, I've got the time."
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Posted: 4/7/2002 9:32:48 AM EDT
[#6]
One of my step fathers' favorites was, "wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first". Or, when going out on a date, "son, if you ain't in bed by 10, come home". He was a real funny guy.
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Posted: 4/7/2002 9:58:59 AM EDT
[#7]
"Save your money"
My father always told me to "save your money". (How was I supposed to satisfy my requirement for instant gratification that way?) Now, several decades later, my parents have retired early and have a lakeside home which they live in for 9 months out of the year. The other three months are spent in an oceanside condo in Florida. So, I now make sure that mine and my wife's IRAs are max'd every year. On a sidenote, my father told me something last year that gave me an indication of how substantial the inheritance would be. He told me, "I had a nightmare last night that I died and I still had a penny left." Hmmmmmmmmmm........... |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 10:08:43 AM EDT
[#8]
Dad: "Hell's Bells!" (I never did figure that one out!)
Mom: "But I thought You liked ________!" (I'm 39 and this woman still doesn't remember what I like!, But always remembers My brother's likes...Geesh!) Grandma "Mac"(McManus): "I brought It, I'll Park It!" (Said when You're trying to help Her walk, sit, or go somewhere on Her own.) Man I sure do miss Her! [v] Tall Shadow |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 10:10:23 AM EDT
[#9]
Ex father-in-law's favorite saying after he passed gas:
"If you don't all sniff at once there will be enough to go around for all of you"![moon] |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 10:12:29 AM EDT
[#10]
My mother calling me my brother's name. It still happens, and has gotten to the point that if the two of us are together and my mother says one of out names, the other one will answer. [:)]
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Posted: 4/7/2002 10:13:07 AM EDT
[#11]
About the most used was either, "Just wait till your father gets home" #2 "Don't make me stop this car"
My boys thought their names were "no-no" un till they started pre-school. |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 10:15:51 AM EDT
[#12]
"Were you raised in a barn?" actually this always used to come from a friends grandmother but it is the one I remember the most.
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Posted: 4/7/2002 10:24:28 AM EDT
[#13]
The favorite saying mine had was "what did we do to deserve you?" That was cruel.z
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Posted: 4/7/2002 10:28:01 AM EDT
[#14]
My wife's mother's favorite was "I brought you into this world, and I can take you back out."
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Posted: 4/7/2002 10:29:23 AM EDT
[#15]
"If life was [b]fair[/b], there wouldn't be wheelchairs."
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Posted: 4/7/2002 10:35:10 AM EDT
[#16]
Mom's was: after she told me to do something that obviously didn't get done. "You apparently didn't understand. This was not a request"
"close the door, you're letting the flies out" |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 10:37:52 AM EDT
[#17]
[b]Mom[/b] - [i]"... Just wait 'till your father gets home!"[/i]
[b]Dad[/b] - [i]"... Sure you can have that. As soon as you get a job and buy it."[/i] |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 10:43:43 AM EDT
[#18]
Mom-It's a good thing YOU think you're funny.
Dad-Not again [rolleyes] |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 1:15:57 PM EDT
[#19]
"If you weren't horsing around (or 'were paying attention') you wouldn't have gotten hurt."
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Posted: 4/7/2002 1:54:37 PM EDT
[#20]
With my Dad, it wasn't what he said, it was when he didn't say anything and just looked at you...
If corporal punishment was in order, I remember my little balls retracting and my asshole puckering up before the first blow landed. I think that's fear reaction, because I knew flight was impossible... The other one was the smack from nowhere. That always got my attention... Any of you guys remember these kinds of things? My Mom was always pretty reasonable with no real memorable quotes other than that she loved us. I knew my Dad loved us, too. He just had different ways of showing us. |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 2:09:31 PM EDT
[#21]
Mom would always say: 'It's all fun and games 'til someone loses an eye'...
Dad would always say: 'Were you born demon possessed or is this a recent development?'... My parents were always a couple of funny ones... |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 2:12:40 PM EDT
[#22]
Asked for movie money. Gave me the money but I wanted something for popcorn. Waited too long, he took the money back. Do you want to see the movie or eat?
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Posted: 4/7/2002 2:25:03 PM EDT
[#23]
What part of NO didn't you understand......or Don't make me come up there.....
And when I was in nursing training and one of the few males in there and I came home late not alone i found notes lying on the kitchen counter "Do we need to quess her name or are you gonna write it down here and makes us look good - Mom" Kuiper |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 2:53:40 PM EDT
[#24]
Mom - "I'll give you something to cry about."
and "The Bible says (insert nonsense here, most of which I could never find in the bible)" Dad was a good guy, didn't talk much though. |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 3:09:30 PM EDT
[#25]
Suffer
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Posted: 4/7/2002 3:34:03 PM EDT
[#26]
"Adapt"
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Posted: 4/7/2002 7:26:23 PM EDT
[#27]
Get use to it.
Money use to grow on trees, but we just cut the tree down. |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 7:38:08 PM EDT
[#28]
[b]Don't Do Like I Do, Do Like I SAY Do![/b]
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Posted: 4/7/2002 7:40:52 PM EDT
[#29]
Dammit, are you in jail again?
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Posted: 4/7/2002 8:01:33 PM EDT
[#30]
"Nice round head, like bowling ball"
"Once again, you exemplify lowside compliance" That, and refer to me as "Mongo" in public... |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 8:04:34 PM EDT
[#31]
Quoted: [b]Don't Do Like I Do, Do Like I SAY Do![/b] My late grandma from WV (Marlinton, Pocahontas Cty) used to say that. She was a fount of homespun wisdom and wit as well as the occasional malapropism. "The Lord willin' and the creek don't rise..." = let's hope it works. "Like Grant took Richmond..." = something fast or quick And of course, she always referred to her big Philco color TV as "the colored telleevision"....[:D] On my dad's side he, a USAF M/Sgt or T/Sgt (I forget which- lotsa stripes on his arms, though...) used to ALWAYS say: "A place for everything and everything in its place." His dad used to say: "A stick on the bottom cheers the day up." [rolleyes] I miss my grandma, but I don't miss my dad or his dad. The latter were crusty, money-grubbing Mass. Yankees who stuck their noses in everybody's biz. My mom's side were WV mountaineers who believed in freedom and being left alone. When it comes to me, even though I live in MA, I think my mom's side won out...[beer] .................................... I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than those attending too small a degree of it. - --THOMAS JEFFERSON (1791) |
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Posted: 4/7/2002 8:05:25 PM EDT
[#32]
Quoted: "If you boys don't straigten up, I'm going to get my work belt.........." I can only remember being swatted with the workbelt once. But Dad used to sit on the couch, fold the belt in half and snap it to let let us know that he was watching us and ment business. Maybe he should have swatted you a few times when you brought home your report card and saw your spelling grades. [;)] |
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Posted: 4/8/2002 4:01:24 AM EDT
[#33]
It was referred to as the "MEDICINE belt" around my house. A good dose of medicine would cure what ails ya.
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Posted: 4/8/2002 4:11:38 AM EDT
[#34]
My dad had a hundred of them:
1. When clearly not listening to what my dad had just said: "Son, don't make me chew my cabbage twice." 2. When also engaged in 1: "Son, your eyes banged open and your ears slammed shut." 3. When told to do something Son: "But dad, you're not giving me a choice" Dad: Son, sure you've got a choice, you can do it with a sore bottom or without a sore bottom. I could go on and on. My dad had a hundred clever ways for getting his point across without being a jerk. |
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Posted: 4/8/2002 5:00:08 AM EDT
[#35]
As my father used to say: "If you don't get a G-D job by sundown you're goin' to military school with that Dinklestien-sh!t-kid! Son-ofa-b!tch!"
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Posted: 4/8/2002 6:19:39 AM EDT
[#36]
Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!
And the ultimate threat "I'm not going to tell you again! I have to admit I said those things to my children too. |
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Posted: 4/8/2002 6:40:10 AM EDT
[#37]
Dad: "Because I said so!"
"Do you have shit in your head again?" "Move!!!!!" Mom: "I'd tell your father about this, but I want you disciplined not killed." Grandpa; "You can't polish a turd." Grandpa: "Jumping jumping jumping Jeezus Christ almighty!!!!" |
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Posted: 4/8/2002 7:29:48 AM EDT
[#38]
"what have ya done now?"
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Posted: 4/8/2002 7:34:13 AM EDT
[#39]
" you're too quiet in there,what are you doing?"
[;)] |
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Posted: 4/8/2002 7:40:42 AM EDT
[#40]
"God bless America!"
(This was an exclamation my mom used in place of the usual profanities. [;)]) |
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Posted: 4/8/2002 3:41:37 PM EDT
[#41]
Dad:
"You can want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first." Me:"Where are we going?" Dad:"Up a mule's butt to see the sun rise." Still don't get this one. When talking about not having a preference: "I'm like old mother duck. If it don't rain, I'll walk." I still don't get this one either. "Can't never could do nothing until he tried." "You will NEVER do that again!" through clenched teeth as he picked me up off the ground by my shoulders at 13. I was taller then him, heavier by about 30lbs, and strong as an ox. But he got his point across, and I never did what I did again. "I love you, son." Something he told me every day after he and my mom worked out there differences when I was a child, and the last words he said to me, about 3 minutes before he died. |
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Posted: 4/8/2002 4:09:12 PM EDT
[#42]
I liked to sleep, so I heard the following a lot...
"up and at 'em!" "It's daylight in the swamp! Rise and Shine!" My response was usually something along the lines of "Wake me up at the crack of noon". |
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Posted: 4/8/2002 10:16:07 PM EDT
[#43]
Mom used to clean a lot and always wanted me to help out. She would start pointing out things and say put this, that, these, those away. She always wanted things in a specific place, but always failed to share that info.
Me: Where should I put it? Mom: Shove it up your ... if you can't find anywhere else. [shock] Oddly, I grew up retentive and loathe cleaning |
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Posted: 4/8/2002 10:28:44 PM EDT
[#44]
Mom--"If you are bleeding on my carpet I'm gonna give you something to cry about." or "Your father must have been a real F***-up!"
Dad--"Can't never did anything, so don't waste your time with that word." |
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Posted: 4/9/2002 12:38:28 AM EDT
[#45]
One of my mom's favorites, "Just think how good it will feel when it quits hurting."
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Posted: 4/9/2002 4:13:49 AM EDT
[#46]
My dad allways said you are so dumb you don't know whether to shit or go blind!!!! So we would just close one eye and farted! My sister was having twins and her husband was in saudia, so as she was in heavy labor ! my brother who is a viet-nam vet on ssi and mental stressed from two tours in nam was the only one there with my sister when she gave birth to the twins! So she was out of it when they were born, when she awoke the doctor said you were in luck your brother was here to name them a girl and a boy! She said oh my god he's nuts why would you let him do that? What did he name the girl baby? The doctor said denise, she said i like that name maybe he's allright after all. What did he name my son? The doctor says denewphue! bob cole
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Posted: 4/9/2002 4:18:15 AM EDT
[#47]
Aim small..miss small..........Wait a minute that was a movie....sorry
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Posted: 4/9/2002 5:04:40 AM EDT
[#48]
Dad: "If you get arrested just remember that you have one phone call. Don't call me."
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Posted: 4/9/2002 5:50:03 AM EDT
[#49]
Quoted: "Can't's a slugger, too lazy to try." Being sorta slow, it took me a while to figure that out. Another favorite of my Mom's "If you got the money, I've got the time." What line of work was Ma in? |
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Posted: 4/9/2002 6:03:04 AM EDT
[#50]
Quoted: My dad allways said you are so dumb you don't know whether to shit or go blind!!!! So we would just close one eye and farted! bob cole I truly thought I came up with the second part of that equation. |
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