It's been a bad week arfcom.

Girl decided to split. Mom was taken to thr hospital with stroke symptoms.

Tapdancing Allah on a flaming chariot.

Got pics? That could be funny.

Mushroom walks into a bar..

Mushroom: Hey Bartender, give me a beer.
Bartender: We don't serve your kind
Mushroom: Oh c'mon I'm a real fungi


Thank you, I'll be here all night...Don't forget to tip your wait staff.....

I'll work on it

Sorry to hear about your rough week.  

Have you seen the Chris Costa Man Tits thread?  

Link

The other night my friend passed out on his bed, so this other kid tied dental floss to each of his fingers and hands and tied the other end of the strings to things around the room (like the chairs, door handles, etc.). The other roommate came busting through the door drunk and tripped on all the strings and the kid woke up screaming.





You kinda had to be there (and drunk), but I was laughing my ass off.

My gf busts up over that video over and over again. A true classic

A friend showed me this.

Linky

Makes me lol everytime

"I'll have a coke."

 

This

and this

The amazing and epic fart video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QFpUZ-hFbA

I interviewed a guy from Myriad Genetics for a position I have open.



HR sent out the offer letter and he wanted to negotiate more.  We have a very good idea what Myriad pays their techs because we've hired a few from there already and they are happy about the pay jump.  HR dealt a little more and stated that was their final offer.



The guy then went back to Myriad and asked them to meet or beat our offer.  Myriad met the offer so he decided to stay there and rejected our offer.  In the next few days the courts decided AGAINST Myriad's claims to patent genes which affected the department the candidate is in.



The candidate called me at my desk phone saying if we can beat his raise he'll take the position.  I told him "We're a biotech company, not a car dealer that you can shop around at to get a better deal.  We're no longer considering you as a candidate".



Not too funny for him but I found it amusing and cathartic.

your timing sucks, last night gd was pretty funny, tonight its boring as hell

Hope these help.




























That's all for now. Ask me if you want more.

Hope ur week gets better.

I thought these were funny:

How Fights Start  
     
     
      My wife sat down on the couch next to me
      as I was flipping channels.
      She asked,
      "What's on TV?"
     
      I said,
      "Dust."
     
      And thats when the fight started...
      ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
       
        My wife and I were watching
      "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
      while we were in bed.
      I turned to her and said,
      "Do you want to have sex?"
     
      "No,"
      she answered.
     
      Then I said,
      "Is that your final answer?"
     
      She didn't even look at me this time,
      simply saying, 'Yes.'
     
      So I said,
      "Then I'd like to phone a friend..."
     
      And thats when the fight started...
      ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
       
       Saturday morning I got up early,
      quietly dressed,
      made my lunch,
      and slipped quietly into the garage.
      I hooked up the boat up to the van,
      and proceeded to back out
      into a torrential downpour...The wind was blowing 50 mph,
      so I pulled back into the garage,
      turned on the radio,
      and discovered that the weather would be bad all day....
     
      I went back into the house,
      quietly undressed,
      and slipped back into bed.
      I cuddled up to my wife's back,
      now with a different anticipation,
      and whispered,
      "The weather out there is terrible."
     
      My loving wife of 5 years replied,
      "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
     
      And that's when the fight started...
      ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
       
       I rear-ended a car this morning.
      So, there we were alongside the road
      and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
      You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed
      and little things just seem funny?
      Yeah,
      well I couldn't believe it...He was a
      DWARF!
      He stormed over to my car,
      looked up at me, and shouted,
      "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
     
      So, I looked down at him and said,
      "Well then,
      which one are you?"
     
      And thats when the fight started...
      ************ ********* ********* ********* **
       
       My wife was hinting about what she wanted
      for our upcoming anniversary.
      She said,
      "I want something shiny
      that goes from 0 to 150
      in about 3 seconds."
     
      I bought her a bathroom scale.
     
      And thats when the fight started...
      ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
       
       When I got home last night,
      my wife demanded
      that I take her some place expensive...so,
      I took her to a gas station.
     
      And thats when the fight started...
      ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
       
       After retiring,
      I went to the Social Security office
      to apply for Social Security.
      The woman behind the counter
      asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
      I looked in my pockets
      and realized I had left my wallet at home.
      I told the woman that I was very sorry,
      but I would have to go home and come back later.
     
      The woman said,
      "Unbutton your shirt."
      So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
      She said,
      "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,"
      and she processed my Social Security application.
     
      When I got home,
      I excitedly told my wife
      about my experience at the Social Security office.
     
      She said,
      "You should have dropped your pants,
      you might have gotten disability, too."
     
      And thats the fight started...
      ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
       
       My wife and I were sitting at a table
      at my school reunion,
      and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink
      as she sat alone at a nearby table.
     
      My wife asked,
      "Do you know her?"
     
      "Yes," I sighed.
      "She's my old girlfriend.
      I understand she took to drinking
      right after we split up those many years ago,
      and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
     
      "My God!' my wife exclaimed,
      "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
     
      And thats when the fight started...
      ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
       
        I took my wife to a restaurant.
      The waiter, for some reason took my order first.
      "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
     
      He said,
      "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
     
      "Nah, she can order for herself..."
     
      And thats when the fight started...
      ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
       
        A woman was standing naked,
       in front of the bedroom mirror... She was not happy
      with what she saw and said to her husband,
      "I feel horrible, I look old, fat and ugly.
      Right now,
      I really need you to pay me a compliment."
     
      The husband replied,
      "Your eyesight's damn near perfect!"
     
      And thats, when the fight started...

Bump for more hilarity.