For all those poor slobs [myself included ] Who have had the misfortune of trying to find an electrical gremlin in a Brit built vehicle.

Lucas the Prince of Darkness

   * Not many people know that Land Rovers attempted to market a computer. Why did they stop? They could not find a way to get it to leak oil!
   * A Land Rover doesn´t leak oil, it marks it´s territory. Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil? The factory took it backand worked on it until it did.
   * Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same. " - "He replied, "It does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"
   * The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
   * Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
   * Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
   * Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
   * The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.
   * The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
   * >Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices
   * Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
   * "I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..."
   * If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.
   * A friend of mine told everybody he never had any electric problems with his Lucas equipment. Today he lives in the countryside, in a large manor with lots of friendly servants around him an an occasional ice cold shower...
   * Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.
   * Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators
   * Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
   * Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars,kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting:" Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."

In before the Jar of Lucas Wiring Smoke

Yeah Lucas...Because Gentlemen dont need to drive at night

Good news - Series Land Rovers only a few circuits, Delco 10SI bolts right in and Bosch makes great Relays. If you're lucky enough to have a German or Swiss truck, you get TÜV switsches, which eliminates another problem.

But you cant keep oil in them, you can keep water out - so just enjoy the aroma of petrochemicals, the constant rust proofing and always pack a rain coat - especially if you are driving.

If they aint leaking - you dont have any fluids.

Wish I could find the Photo of the little silver tray they would put under the Queen's Rolls when they stopped - to keep the car from oil soiling wherever it was.


Luck
Alac

As a former owner of a 1976 TR-7, I agree with this list!

My friends and I had interesting tastes in cars in high school.  Everyone else is running around in Cameros, Firebirds, Mustangs, jeeps, etc.  My group had a TR-7, '77 MGB, and a '74 Fiat Spider.

I've always have heard it:  Edison invented the Electric Light...but Lucas invented the Electric Dark.  

*yawn* another Lucas thread. Well, my 1940 BSA M20 is still running on 69-year old Lucas electrical equipment,like the dynamo, magneto, regulator, and all the wiring,too.

Well I've seen 200k mile Yugo GV and 12 second $2000 CRX - theres always an outlier. In all humor there is more than a grain of truth - even more so with Lucas. But being a Brit enthusiast, I've come to the conclusion we badmouth our favorite marques...to keep others uninterested. I liked it better in the 80s when nobody wanted a Series Rover.

Luck
Alac

* Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators;
where I worked before, had a bumper sticker on the desk that said that. I showed it to the Lucas rep... he didn't laugh.

My wife insited on owning a Jaguar, bought it used with only 6k miles on it (2005 X-type) for 29k the car has failed to cool once due to a fan relay switch failure. Once in a while you can't lock the door unless you turn it on and off three or four times.
It also now has a warning light that traction controll is off (car does NOT have enough power to lose traction)

today it has been recalled due to a computer issue

The MIL has an 2000 S-Type with roughly 45k on it. She's had no issues over the last 9 years. The engines actually a AJ V8 - same used in a number of other Ford products - it had some issues like the BMW M60/M52 engines (high sulphur gas huffing the Nikasil bore) - but is really a pretty good engine family. The rest of the car is greatly improved, as are most Jags once Ford took ownership. Improved - but not class leading - read Lexus

The X-Type's another CD132 platform vehicle from Ford (same as the Mondeo).  Overall, its by far the least reliable post-Ford Jag according to JD Power - but no worse than a number of other vehicles that are perceived to be reliable. 2005 in particular has been rated fairly well, and 2006 received Power's highest marks in the IQS (90 day reliability - kinda worthless but normally indicative). MBenz, on the other hand, had persistent and pervasive quality issues until the last 2-3 model years. 2008 Powers VDS (3 Year dependability) rates Jag above MB, Audi, Porsche (which I find hard to beleive) and just under Honda. Ford did wonders with Jag - but they never shook the bad rep. Less Lucas pays dividends it seems.

Luck
Alac

I've had my Triumph Bonneville for almost 28 years...with only a few electrical issues over the years. All of them easy to fix and most were minor stuff. I've had my Land Rover Discover 1 for 12 years and 167,000 miles on it. Other then the cruise control switch crapping out and replacing some O2 sensors, no electrical issues.

Now my 99 Chevy Suburban 2500...you want to talk about weird electrical issues...don't get me started.

I had a 71 Triumph Spitfire for four years.

The one day that it ran right, it was a lot of fun.  The rest of the time was hell.