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Posted: 8/8/2003 10:43:01 AM EDT
IT'S SO HOT IN TEXAS THAT...

The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

IT'S SO DRY IN TEXAS THAT..."

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year old"

A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?" A rancher quickly answered, "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?" The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood." "Well," said the rancher puffed up, "we got about two and a half inches of that."

"YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TEXAS WHEN..."

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

You can say 110 degrees without fainting.

You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

You can make instant sun tea.

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

When the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

It's noon in July, the kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break a sweat the instant you step outside and it's only 7:30 am.

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize asphalt has a liquid state.

Link Posted: 8/8/2003 11:00:02 AM EDT


Too hot that I want to move to Alaska for 3 months of the year.
Link Posted: 8/8/2003 11:00:03 AM EDT
Very good!

I liked the one about the farmers feeding the chickens crushed ice.......
Link Posted: 8/8/2003 4:23:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TexasEd:
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.




oh god how true
Link Posted: 8/8/2003 4:24:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TexasEd:
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.




oh god how true
Link Posted: 8/8/2003 4:37:21 PM EDT
Talked to my brother, says its 100.
Link Posted: 8/8/2003 5:10:27 PM EDT
It's 104 here at the lake.

I rode my Harley today. While sitting in traffic for 2 minutes at a time I would sweat so much I didn't feel I needed a shower when I got home because I was already soaking wet
Link Posted: 8/8/2003 5:57:27 PM EDT
it went over 100 today. and this is near the coast
Link Posted: 8/9/2003 1:18:54 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TexasEd:
IT'S SO DRY IN TEXAS THAT..."



That phrase simply doesn't work in the Houston area.
Link Posted: 8/10/2003 7:18:01 AM EDT
So far we've had several weeks of above 100 daily.
Link Posted: 8/10/2003 7:22:17 AM EDT
damn...maybe i'm not missing Aug. in TX afterall....i KNOW it's hot down around the house about now.
Link Posted: 8/12/2003 12:15:14 PM EDT
A couple days ago the news said it got to 115° in Elgin. Was around 108° at Camp Mabry and 105° at ABIA...

I just came back from Phoenix when this was going on... it felt like I didn't leave the desert!

Link Posted: 8/12/2003 12:29:10 PM EDT

Originally Posted By BigD:

Originally Posted By TexasEd:
IT'S SO DRY IN TEXAS THAT..."



That phrase simply doesn't work in the Houston area.



LOL. it's like a Terrarium.
i love Houston. it's so hot and humid it keeps most of the yankees away.
Link Posted: 8/12/2003 7:28:14 PM EDT

Originally Posted By 308wood:

Originally Posted By BigD:

Originally Posted By TexasEd:
IT'S SO DRY IN TEXAS THAT..."



That phrase simply doesn't work in the Houston area.



LOL. it's like a Terrarium.
i love Houston. it's so hot and humid it keeps most of the yankees away.



Here, here!!!
Link Posted: 8/12/2003 10:04:55 PM EDT
...you enter a greenhouse and you immediately notice how nice and cool it is in there, as compared to the outside.
Link Posted: 8/13/2003 8:32:45 PM EDT
A Houstonian dies and goes to hell. The devil sees him and turns the thermostat up to 90. Later that day he sees the Houstonian out and about whistling, the devil asks him why he isn't suffering, the Houstonian replies "this is just like Houston in May."
Annoyed the devil turns up the humidity to 95% and the temp to 95. he looks at the Houstonian and is surprised to see him still smiling.
Again he asks why the good mood.
"This is just like Houston in June." is the answer.
Satan, now very mad turns the heat up all the way and maxes out the humidity.
The Houstonian sits around lounging and having a grand time. Satan is pissed and says "when is Houston like this??
"August" is his reply.
Then with the cunning of the great deceiver, Satan figures out how to get this guy, turns the thermostat all the way down. soon hell is as cold as Alaska in the winter. Some of the pipes burst, and Tonya Harding is skating with Bill Clinton.

From the direction of the Houstonian comes a shout:
"THE ASTROS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!"
Link Posted: 8/19/2003 7:24:33 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/19/2003 7:25:23 PM EDT by Palm]
It is so hot in Texas that we had to put lids on our bar-b-ques to keep the meat from burning on the top before it was done on the bottom.
Link Posted: 8/19/2003 7:52:07 PM EDT
You can damn near make BBQ with a little liquid smoke and throw the meat in an all black smoker during the day...

No shit...my smoker will due 170-190 in direct sunlight.
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