TIPS FOR DETROIT SUPER BOWL GUESTS
Just in case any of you not in the state of Michigan have any idea of
coming to Michigan for the Super Bowl!!!
Subject: Tips for the 2006 Super Bowl Guests
1. First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It's Deh-troit.
NOT DEE-troit. If you pronounce it DEE-Troit then we will assume you are
from Toledo and here for the country Music hoe-down.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Detroit has its own
version of traffic rules... Hold on and pray!
3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 am to 10:00 am. The evening rush
hour is from 3:00 pm to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday
Weekends are open game.
4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
cussed out and possibly shot. If you're first off the starting line when
the light turns green, count to five before going across the intersection.
This will avoid getting in the way of cross-traffic who just ran their yellow.
5. Schoenherr can ONLY be properly pronounced by a native of the
Detroit metro area. That goes for Gratiot too.
6. Construction and renovation on! I-94, I-96, I-75, I-275, I-375, The
Lodge and The Southfield Freeways are a way of life and forever. Just deal
7. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a
factory defect or they are "out-of-towners"
8. All old men (or women) with white hair wearing a hat have total
9. The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 and I-275 is 85 regardless of
the posted speeds. Anything less is considered downright SISSY. Oh, and
don’t even think of allowing more than one car length between cars!
10. That attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit
is NOT ornamental. DO NOT get out of your car to take pictures.
11. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that
says Keep honking, I'm reloading", he/she is.
12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone,
people are not waving because they are so friendly in Detroit. I would
suggest you duck.
13. I-275 and I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR.
14. It's not M-10, it's "the Lodge".
15. That's not a lake, it's a pothole.
16. If someone tells you it's on Outer Drive, you better hope you have a map.
17. The Michigan left turn is simple. If you want to turn left, go a ¼
of a mile past your turn, get to the left, then make a left, then make
another left, then make a right when you get back to the intersection where you
wanted to turn left in the first place. NOW you have gone left.
18. And those 2 really ugly arches over Telegraph???? DON'T EVEN ASK!!
WE DON'T HAVE A CLUE!!!!!
Someone had an extra few million to spend on that fuckly waste of steel.
19 That firecracker noise you hear are not firecrackers.
20 Stay on the expressway. It's the nicest part of town.
Welcome to Detroit, where the weak are killed and eaten...
T Bone (Detroit).
If you see a Big Black Guy with Diamond Ear Rings in his ears and he's accompanied by 20 other peoeple, he is no one of IMPORTANCE! He's just the Mayor!
Also if you are staying in a Hotel North of Eight Mile, you need to know that the weather will be different once you go South of Eight Mile so be prepared for the unexpecting!
And if someone bumps your car lightly from the rear while stopped in Detroit don't get out to exchange insurance info.... unless you don't really like your car anymore.
Believe me... If it was a real accedent, they'll follow you to the police station to exchange info.