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Posted: 12/27/2005 5:59:14 AM EDT
[#1]
You are silly!  
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Posted: 12/27/2005 6:30:47 AM EDT
[#2]
By the way Mike's Mom is a nice person but his dad Kicked me out of his neighborhood.. LOL.
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Posted: 12/27/2005 7:36:06 AM EDT
[#3]
They have a strick no asian policy, it's in the home owners rules. Gotta follow the rules right?
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Posted: 12/27/2005 10:03:39 AM EDT
[#4]
This lady walks into a bar, raises her right arm, exposing her extremely hairy amrpits and says, "I'll have a Gin and tonic."
The drunk on her right says "I'll by this lovely ballerina her drink..put it on my tab." Bartender nods and hands the lady her drink She quickly finishes her drink and raises her left arm, exposing again another hairy armpit and says, "I'll have another please." The drunk on her left follows the other drunks lead and says "I'll by this lovely ballerina her drink..put it on my tab." Bartender nods and starts to pour, but puzzled by the drunks stops and leans to hte drunk on the left and says "How do you know she is a ballerina?" The drunk replies "Cuz only a ballerina can lift her leg above her head that high.*hicup*" 
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Posted: 12/27/2005 10:30:08 AM EDT
[#5]
YOU GUYS ARE TERRIBLE!
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Posted: 12/27/2005 11:41:05 AM EDT
[#6]
Ma and Pa were sitting at home one evening, waiting up for their daughter to get back from her night out with her boyfriend.
Somehow, while eating peanuts, Pa managed to get one lodged in his ear. Well he tried and tried to get it out, but couldn't. When the daughter and her boyfriend showed up, Ma told them what had happened and that they needed to go to the hospital. Wanting to help, the boyfriend siad he knew what to do. "I'm gonna put my fingers in your nose, and I want you to blow hard, OK?" Pa agreed, and when they did, the peanut came shooting out. All was better, the boyfriend said goodnight, and the daughter went to bed. Ma was very impressed, " That was a very nice young man, wasn't he Pa? " " Yes, he was, and from the smell on his fingers, he's gonna be your new son in law....." |
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Posted: 12/27/2005 11:54:11 AM EDT
[#7]
A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ."
The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?" |
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Posted: 12/27/2005 11:56:05 AM EDT
[#8]
Three nuns were talking........
The first nun said "I was cleaning in Father’s room the other day and do yuo know what i found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" , the other nuns asked. "Well, of course i threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, i can top that. I was in Father’s room putting away laundry and i found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh, my!", gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?", they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!", she replied. The third nun fainted. |
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Posted: 12/27/2005 11:57:06 AM EDT
[#9]
A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result.
He figured he’d crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, "So you’ve been out drinking again, have you?!" "No! What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on his best innocent expression. "The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again." |
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Posted: 12/27/2005 12:00:50 PM EDT
[#10]
 wheelchair....oh damn......
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Posted: 12/27/2005 12:37:34 PM EDT
[#11]
Unka Boo your peanut joke was so gross! But very funny!!!
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Posted: 12/27/2005 1:47:51 PM EDT
[#12]
My husband's Aunt introduced herself to me by telling me a joke [so much for first impressions!]
She says "hello, I'm Diane -- do you know why the witch flew her broom with her panties off? Me.... No?Diane "To get a better grip" 
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Posted: 12/27/2005 2:20:00 PM EDT
[#13]
Patty that's a great joke!
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Posted: 12/27/2005 5:05:36 PM EDT
[#14]
A guy is drivin up thru Washington state and happens across an Apple farmer with a stand along side the road.
The apples were marked 5$,10$,15$ and 40$. The guy asked the farmer why so much for the apples? The farmer replied that they were a new breed with two flavors. The guy had to try one, so picked up one of the 5$ apples and bit into it. It tasted like a regular apple to him, the farmer instructed him to turn it over and take a bite. To his amazment is tasted like caramel! Then he had to try the second apple and picked up one of the $10 dollar ones. First bite was red licorice and after he turned it over the second was black licorice. Amazing he said! He grabbed the 15$ apple and took a bite. It tasted like Penut butter, turned it over and the second was just like chocolate. Wow he shouted, incredible! But now, why does this apple cost 40$ he asked? The farmer replied, well......it tastes like pussy. I've got to try that one the guy proclaims and took a bite. GROSS!!!! he yelled as he spit it out, that tastes like shit! Farmer says, I know, turn it over now
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Posted: 12/27/2005 9:30:06 PM EDT
[#15]
Reminds me of my Great aunt who only had one-leg, Eileen. |
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Posted: 12/27/2005 11:11:12 PM EDT
[#16]
Three guys on shipwrecked and washed up on a beach.. @#@@#$^@#^!@ ... @%@#$%@^$# ... @!%!#$2 3 wishes #$%@^@ .. #$%@#%!@$.. #$%#$. and third wish@#!@%! !^%#$%#...
I'll have a Coke. 
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Posted: 12/28/2005 5:52:02 AM EDT
[#17]
LOL, damn that's a funny joke! LOL |
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Posted: 12/28/2005 1:41:15 PM EDT
[#18]
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their
bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I! g! uess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His Mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios." |
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Posted: 12/28/2005 2:55:13 PM EDT
[#19]
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