Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login
Posted: 1/17/2006 6:38:03 PM EDT
Old Bud is wanting to go home from the nursing home. If he goes, he'll die if he falls. He can't haul in wood to heat the house, has a tough time walking without a walker, but still wants to go back to his home. He is more worried about the welfare of "Trigger" his dog, than his own welfare.
He is 103, be a 104 next month. He isn't the oldest there. There is one woman that just turned 104 and doesn't have all her mental facilities in tact. She sees someone, she hollers, "help me" over and over again. If you ignore her, which most do, she starts saying "f*ck you" over and over.
It's not that I don't blame Old Bud for wanting to go home or being that hard headed, but the nursing home has to be depressing as hell. He did threaten to get up and whip my ass this afternoon after I asked him if he was ready for me to thump him! He's still is as sharp as a tack, meaner than a rattlensnake, but just ain't as tough as he once was.
I'm thinking if we can get him to stay in the nursing home, he'll either die in a month or so, or live another 10 years. It all depends on his attitude. Being alone for him is depressing, being in the nursing home is also depressing. Looks kind of bleak, anyway you look at it.
I really don't know whether to support him in letting him go home to die, probably alone, or make him stick it out to have an easier passing, with people around.
I've been through this before but with a father dying from cancer. He had a DNR but we kept him on oxygen. He would have ripped the oxygen off if we had let him. We didn't prolong his life, we just made his passing less painful.
Bud's passing shouldn't be painful if we're lucky. I'm more afraid of him dying alone than living longer with less dignity. And I think he is too.
I guess this is the question - better to die in less dignity in a nursing home but with company around or die (maybe painfully!) alone at home with more dignity?
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 7:14:22 PM EDT
well Dan, I understand what your saying, I also understand that a man lives independant all his life doesn't want to become a burden or hassle to anyone when they get old, so you'd think a man thats 103 and still possesses high mental capacity has the right to make the decision on where he wants to die, my grandfather didn't ever want to go to a nursing home, he lived with my parents for several months before he wanted to go back to his own house, he lived there for two weeks before my uncles got power of attorney over him and put him in a home, he was angry at all his children for letting them put him in there, so he refused to talk, eat and drink till he got dehydrated and they had to put him in the hospital where he died of a heart attack a week later.

so if he still has his sences about him, I'd let him make the desicion as to where he wants to go, it'll be painfull for you, but not as painfull as it would be should you go agaist his wishes.

MLW>"<
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 7:47:02 PM EDT
Brother L, you didn't cut any bones about it. It ain't my decision I know. I'm guess I'll do my best to talk him into staying at the nursing home but if he wants to go home knowing he will die if something happens, then I'll do what I can to support his decision.
At least to some degree, he has some say in how he will meet his Master!
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 8:12:53 PM EDT
Danc ........... theirs only one thing guaranteed in this world and thats death.

I understand it sucks for you to loose a friend ........i've lost more than a few over the years.......not to mention damn near all the family that i cared about.

I have a DNR living will... got no desire to be a vegtable or stuck in a fucking nursing home..

I'll take quality of life over quanity any day

He's a 103 and sounds like he's lived a good life the way he wanted and had a good friend I'd remain one and take him home......

No disrespect intended at all danc just an honest opinion
Link Posted: 1/17/2006 9:00:29 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/17/2006 9:01:45 PM EDT by danc46]
ACman, to respect the man as you suggest is probably the right thing to do. They are considering approaching APS - Adult Protective Services of the DHS - to see if they can force him to stay.
He's poor, doesn't have much in the way of assets. So they'll let him go home because he has his full "faculties'. Now if he had lots of money that the DHS could control by keeping him in the nursing home, APS would step in, saying it was for his own welfare, and make him stay.
Yeah, it works that way with the DHS. Unless I twist their bureaucratic asses up tight.
I learned a long time ago funerals are for the living, not the dead. They could care less!
The fact of putting someone in the ground is for the living to realize they are gone. So the living can accept their passing. I've got lots of good memories, lots of good hunts, lots of good laughs, to remember. It's just that I hate to see him die alone. His "escape" of being alone, no brothers or family around, is to drink the Rock & Rye (THANKS, CowboyDave!) and smoke a cigar!
I agree, death is inevitable, sooner or later. But the fact of dying alone, without someone around who cares, seems a sad death to me.
In a way, death is a joyful thing for those who are suffering. Accepting Old Bud's passing is not really going to be that hard for me. It's just I want it to be an easy one, not from falling then freezing to death, which is more than possible with him going home.
I'll pray to the Good Lord about it. Others are also. I know it'll be all right!
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 5:14:32 PM EDT
Most people are angry they find themself in a nursing home. Its tough to accept you are in a place with so many ill & strange people. Its very depressing for everyone involved. However sometimes they make friends and enjoy smoking or visiting with the other inmates, I mean patients. And if they have activities like bingo with prizes they may even start to enjoy themselves & want to stay. My step-dad did. It took a long time, about 3 months but he didn't want to leave when he was given the choice.

Try and visit him when you can but its not your responsibility whether he stays or goes. He is lucky to have such a good friend as you & I know you feel the same about him. Turn it over to God and keep him in your thoughts and prayers & don't let it bring you down.
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 5:30:02 PM EDT

Originally Posted By 1dreamer:
Turn it over to God and keep him in your thoughts and prayers & don't let it bring you down.


Thanks, 1dreamer! I've put it in God's hands and it'll be all right!
Link Posted: 1/18/2006 7:52:35 PM EDT
If it were me, I would tell him exactly what I thought he should do. If he wants to do the opposite, I would respect his wishes.

Probably the most important thing to do is spend as much quality time with him as possible while you still have the chance.
Top Top