· The easiest way to find something lost
around the house is to buy a replacement.
· Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out
· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the
quick and the dead.
· Life is sexually transmitted.
· Health is merely the slowest possible
rate at which one can die.
· The only difference between a rut and a
grave is the depth.
· Some people are like Slinkies. Not really
good for anything, but you still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.
· Health nuts are going to feel stupid
someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
· Have you noticed since everyone has a
camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs
like they used to?
· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing
· All of us could take a lesson from the
weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
· In the 60's, people took acid to
make the world weird. Now the world is weird and
people take Prozac to make it normal.
· How is it one careless match can start a
forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a
· Who was the first person to look at a cow
and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things
here, and drink whatever comes out?"
· Who was the first person to say, "See that
chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes
outta its butt."
· Why is there a light in the fridge and not
in the freezer?
· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why
is there a song about him?
· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you
get undressed if they are going to look up there
· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
· If electricity comes from electrons,
does morality come from morons?
· Do illiterate people get the full effect of
· Did you ever notice that when you blow in a
dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him
on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
· Does pushing the elevator button more than
once make it arrive faster?
· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the
· Do you ever wonder why you gave me your
Yes it did!
No biggie ! you only get excited when throwing gas on a fire