Found some more on another board....
12 REASONS A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A MAN
1. Handguns can be used to repel bad guys - and you won't have to listen to the story about how they did it for the next six years.
2. Handguns don't emit noxious gases (unless you're using Armscor or Wolf ammo!)
3. Handguns only need a good boring out with a wire brush and a wipedown with oil for "a special evening".
4. Handguns don't have expensive hobbies, like jetskis, motorcycles, and computers.
5. Handguns don't gripe about your cooking; they don't care what they eat as long as it's ammunition.
6. If the barrel is too small or too short on your handgun, you can buy another handgun with a bigger, longer barrel.
7. Handguns don't require a half-hour of reassurance when they misfire, misfeed, or malfunction.
8. You get to decide what pictures a handgun shoots at.
9. If you ignore a handgun for six months, it won't start shooting wildly if you start using it again.
10. Handguns don't malfunction if you don't pull their trigger "that certain special way" every time.
11. Handguns don't whine when you take them to the department store, the opera, the hairdresser's, the nail salon, the OB/GYN...
12. Handguns are reliable; if you have one that's broken, you can send it back to the factory again and again until it's fixed to your liking.