Got a new 38 snubby for the wife. The only 38's I have are S&B and Geco, both run pretty hot and snappy. What are some of the lower recoil FMJ target loads out there ? Thought about trying Magtech or PPU, as they can be found in bulk and for cheap. -Thanks

In my experience, the lowest recoiling ammo for a .38 Special snubby is the Fiocchi 148gr Wadcutter (38LA).  This ammo has always been hard to find for a decent price, but I do see it available at a few online places.  Use ammoseek.com to find the best deals.

Full wad cutters will be pretty mild.  Another option you might look at is finding some Remington or Magtech 38 Short Colt.  They are both lead bullets but they are very mild shooting and perfectly safe in any 38 Special or 357 Magnum revolver.  A ~130gr bullet going ~700fps is soft shooting.

ETA:  Look for cowboy action loads.  They are usually loaded very light also but usually use all lead bullets.

My girlfriend wont touch the 442 but shoots .40 all the time.

J frames arent fun to shoot. Ive done 100+ full power +P (6gr Power Pistol/158gr LSWC...hot) in a day and was sore as hell the next day.

I'm still looking for a good light handload for it. The wadcutters listed above sound good but I can't stomach .38 factory prices.

Yes, I hear you.  I have tried a lot of different rounds, but the Fiocchi 38LA is by far the tamest.  I shot a box of 50 in one session with my wife's Ruger LCR, and I was surprised that it wasn't painful at all.  I have not tried any of the Cowboy ammo - too expensive.  The lowest price I found today is $15.45/50 which is as good as I've seen 38LA.  It's at LG Outdoors.  I have not ever bought from them so caveat emptor.

Normal WWB seems fine for me.

They're not FMJ, but any 158 grain LRN bullet should be pretty light.

They're typically only going 750 fps or so.

A very mild load! 130gr copper jacketed bullet, low power and well priced. There may be milder target and cowboy loads but this one takes the cake for price and availability.

148 HBWC.

AKA a 'mouse fart' load.

It would be relatively cheap for you to set up a single stage Lee press and load your own. When I loaded .38's, I could see the bullets go down range. They would stick into the rubber target backer they were so light. I don't remember what powder I used, may have been Bullseye.

Long ago police agencies used to practice and qualify with low powered loads.  It helped non-gunny type cops qualify.  They eventually found out that it led to a lack of proficiency with the duty loads.

Train with what you carry.  Just saying.

S&B wadcutter loads are nearly as tame as the Fiocchi mentioned above. Federal, Winchester, and Remington all load a 148gr wadcutter load... but none of them are very cheap. The .38 Short Colt suggestion is also a good one for someone who is recoil sensitive. It can be hard to find. Nearly all of the 130gr FMJ loads will have more recoil than wadcutter. I don't find the Winchester or Federal loads to be overly hot, but they do recoil more than WC loads. Nothing is very "fun" to shoot from a lightweight J-frame, even wadcutters will wear on most folks after 50-100 rounds.

My solution is to load my own WC ammo for practice. If your wife isn't an experienced shooter, you might have her try a Glock 42 if she can't handle the J-frame.

Train more than twice a year before shooting quals.

So you are saying everyone should run full training sessions with defensive ammo that cost 0.50-1.00 per round... You must have a great job.  My normal (weekly) range sessions are usually at least 250 rounds or more, so that would mean I would be spending $175 at a minimum per week ($700 per month) on ammo.

In all seriousness you should find a warm load that replicates the recoil of a defensive load, and do defensive drills with it frequently. However, saying "train with what you carry" is just silly and unrealistic.

OP, do you have any friends that reload, and would help you work on your own loads?

Something like a 105 grain bullet over trail boss or a light load of a fast-burning powder like N310 would be about as low-recoil as it's possible to get.  As a bonus, between primer, bullet, and powder, you'd probably be looking at around $0.15/round or less.

Just on bullet weight alone, you'd drop about 1/3 of the recoil compared to a 158grain load.

+1
You're only going to make a J frame so pleasant to shoot.

Federal AE38K.

I work for a living.  I also reload, and practice and carry my reloads.

I was stating what many police agencies found to be true.  One of the good things about semi autos is that they are much more sensitive to the power of the ammo they will work with compared to a revolver.

This forces folks to use ammo that is at least closer in recoil that using wadcutters in a revolver then using full power loads for carry.

Hey, I get why you guys are saying she should practice with a load that is closer to her carry load, but I totally understand and sympathize with the OP's question.  My wife went through the same thing.  She has the Ruger 1.8" LCR in 38 Special +P capable (shrouded hammer so double action only).  Her carry load is the Speer Gold Dot 135gr +P.  When she first started shooting, she could only fire about 15 rounds of FMJ loads that were similarly powered before her hand was hurting.  The big issue for her was to conquer that heavy double action trigger pull.  Dry firing practice went only so far, but using the Fiocchi 148gr WC, she could practice 100 rounds per session and finally got really proficient with that trigger and improve her accuracy remarkably.  She then moved up in load power.  So, yes, as she moved up in power, she couldn't shoot as many rounds in a single session, but she had the fundamentals of sight alignment and trigger pull down, so she didn't necessarily need that amount of repetition.  She was able to continue to improve and can shoot the lights out with those Gold Dots.  This built confidence and now she has no problems carrying that LCR with the Gold Dots.  I think that continuous improvement encouraged her to keep on working on it rather than moving to a different gun (she really loves that LCR size and grip and concealability).  I do recommend starting with a light practice load to get that double action trigger pull down pat which takes a lot of repetition.  Again, we tried a lot of different 38 special loads (I still have a lot of partially shot boxes of ammo ), and she and I feel that the Fiocchi 148gr HBWC load (38LA) is the lightest recoiling, commercially available round (not counting those cowboy loads). MHO, YMMV, etc.

This is the key. A heavy slow bullet will still recoil more than a light slow bullet.
Taken to the extreme, 1.5 gr Red Dot and a .360 diameter roundball thumb-seated in the sized case. Squirt some LEE liquid Alox around the roundball at the case mouth and let dry.
Velocity is about 500 fps, noise is about like a pellet gun, recoil is like a .22LR.