Just a little something I read somewhere else and modified a bit......so it's not really an original.

[b]I sit at a table in the middle of the day
Looking out my window, not a lot to say.
TV blaring, newspaper in front of me unread,
People see me think I must be dead.
Talk to me,
Walk by me,
I’m totally unaware.
I’m back there!

At the end of my Thousand Yard Stare


I try to sleep but wake up in the middle of the night.
Thinking about whether what I did was right.
Want to go out, walk and wander the streets
And thinking if it’s the fires in Volendam my heart eats
Thinking
Pondering
Totally aware
I know you will be there…

At the end of my Thousand Yard Stare

We worked through that newyears night.
And finally people see what we did was right.
Recognition, finally for God’s sake.
And still at times my tears break.

Scarred but not broken
The burden I have to bear
Images you can find

At the end of my Thousand Yard Stare[/b]

how about if it was [b]

We worked through that newyears night,[/b]

pretty good

Thanks for grammar hint and thanks in general

My wife asked me the other night"why do you jump when you sleep"My reply was"i see dead pepole,and things no one should see"After 15 yrs of this you see things sometimes you wish you didnt.Its hard to leave those images on the street.But i deal with it the best i can.



She still doesnt under stand.........and for her sake its good she never will!



WATCH YOUR 6
1-HOLE  OUT

Kuiper- you forgot the first “h” in through.

The imagery is good but in the second stanza
“[b]And thinking if it’s the fires in Volendam my heart eats[/b]”
I don’t know what “Volendam” is, would you clarify?

How about changing the last stanza to:
[b]
Scarred but unbroken,
These burdens I wear,
Images best unspoken

In the end of my Thousand Yard Stare[/b]

The way I read the poem the author gets recognition for what was done as morally correct. Now that the person has scares that were conquered, the 1000yd stare becomes past tense instead of the present tense that is presented through out the poem.

Hope this helps.

edit for clarification

They would if it was indeed pasttense...in this particular situation past and present mix since it's the past the rules the authors presence at certain times.

I should know, 'cause besides getting inspired by the first stanza I wrote the rest myself.

Volendam is the name of a small Dutch town in which I was unfortunate enough to encounter 250 burn victims aged 13to21 during new years eve 2000-2001.

Kuiper some demons never go away. We just have to learn to exists with them. Our lives, families and careers pay a high cost if we don’t. I am a firm believer that a critical incident management program be in place on every dept or agency or be available to the individuals. Reading some of your posts it sounds like you have some demons to corral. Drop me an e-mail and we can share some demons.

My experience in dealing with acute PTSD(Vietnam,Fire Service) or trauma is that the faster it is dealt with,the quicker you will find yourself coming out the other side. Unfortunatly for many of us, we were forced to stuff it...the 'real men don't talk about it', bullshit. Untreated, it will slowly kill you, and effect every member of your family. I ran for 25 years till I realized it wasn't working. It took five years of work for me to re-remember the feeling of loss. What a break through. It's never all better, but now I know the language, and warning signs. CISD came to our Department in the early 90's, and it works. I hope you can find the courage to face your deepest fears, and turn a horrifying negative to an experience that will make you a wiser man...it's better to do it with a specialist in these things. The ability to feel fully human again is a never ending journey, for me....

                  Warm Regards,
                              Capt. Gib Ret.

We hear you, and we've been there, too.

Get some exercise, and talk to a professional. Someone removed from the crap can really help you get some perspective.

Thanks for the replies guys. Doing a lot better than a couple of days ago. I spoke with my critical incident dep. the day after. And I think we got somewhere.

Thanks for replies and emails.

Kuiper