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Posted: 1/25/2006 12:49:21 PM EDT
Possibly a dupe, but I thought it was funny.


LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES ENCOUNTERING A SNAKE


AN ANALYSIS OF US LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES UPON ENCOUNTERING A
VENOMOUS SNAKE WITHIN THEIR JURISDICTION

1. FBI:
Searches for but cannot locate snake. After snake is caught by the
local police, FBI forms a Snake Task Force of 150 agents, sets up a
command center, holds press conference and assumes credit for
capture of [a] snake.

2. USSS (Secret Service):
Forms a protective ring of agents around snake and escorts to a safe area.

3. ATF:
Sends SRT team to arrest snake; they expend all of their ammo, then
burn the forest down killing the snake and other local fauna. At a
Congressional inquiry makes a presentation on why additional funding
is required to properly train agents how to battle the threat of snakes.

4. TSA:
Abides by Congressional ruling to prevent "profiling" of venomous
snakes, which requires "random" snake inspections. Venomous snake
escapes while TSA officials strip-search non-venomous species.

5. IRS-CID:
Performs an in-depth investigation of the snake and writes a 100-page
summary of why the snake should not be prosecuted. The
investigation is closed and all agents are out of the office by 4:30 pm.

6. ICE:
After obtaining permission from the BPA, CBP, FBI, FPS, IRS, FINCEN,
DEA, ATF, FAMS, FEMA, and the Girl Scouts of America, they mail the
snake a notice to appear on a specified date for a status
hearing. Snake never responds and is promptly forgotten.

7. DEA:
Initiates a Title 3 and an MLAT investigation on the snakes cell
phone after discovering that the above agencies have begun an
investigation on the snake. Spends $3M to discover the snake is not Colombian.

8. U.S. Attorney's Office:
Declines prosecution out of "professional courtesy."

9. USBP (Border Patrol)
Captures snake. Cannot communicate with snake resulting in
recruitment drive for snake handlers. Takes snake back to border
(for the 4th time).

10. Sheriff's Office
Shoots snake after driving over it several times. Puts snake in
another City Police Officer's car while parked in jail parking area.


Link Posted: 1/25/2006 12:59:04 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/25/2006 1:03:36 PM EDT by Johninaustin]
10. Sheriff's Office
Shoots snake after driving over it several times. Puts snake in
another City Police Officer's car while parked in jail parking area.


I've actually done this. She got almost three blocks before looking down to the floorboard.
Link Posted: 1/25/2006 1:26:47 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/25/2006 1:39:52 PM EDT by NorCal_LEO]
Link Posted: 1/25/2006 4:33:58 PM EDT
10. Sheriff's Office
Shoots snake after driving over it several times. Puts snake in
another City Police Officer's car while parked in jail parking area.

Hmmmmm. Sounds like something I might do. Maybe I should be wearing that star shaped badge.
Link Posted: 1/25/2006 9:45:54 PM EDT
#11 Police Dept

Checks city ordinance book for violation. There is no city violation for snake at large.
Goes to coffee. Homeowner kills snake with shovel.
Link Posted: 1/26/2006 3:05:46 AM EDT
#12 Police/Sheriff Dispatcher:

Tells caller the police don't handle snakes - that's Animal Control's job. Continues drinking coffee and snarfing down chips & cake.
Link Posted: 1/26/2006 3:22:36 AM EDT
Not going to scream dupe, but i have read the military version of this joke, it was a chain e-mail that has been in circulation for years.
Link Posted: 1/26/2006 11:46:51 AM EDT
Let my K-9 chase it, he would love that
Link Posted: 1/26/2006 12:07:36 PM EDT
This a variation of the old "bear" joke.

In Summary:

In order to promote inter-agency cooperation, Congress sanctions a competion amongst top law enforcement agencies in the United States. Invited to compete are the Central Intelligence Agency, The Federarl Bureau of Investigation, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms the the Chicago Police Department.

Congress informs each agency that within a 100 acre parcel of forrest, there is located ONE rabbit. The first agency to recover said rabbit will be named as the best law enforcement agency in the country.

The CIA spends $400 million dollars, cultivates numerous indigenous species with the goal of fomenting a popular uprising against the rabbit, and after 8 years, issues a 1,500 page report concluding that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI spends $50 million to tap all the rabbit's phones, read all his email, send agents in to interview every animal the rabbit has ever interacted with, offers the rabbit immunity if it will testify against the squirrel, and finally, after 5 years, gets the IRS to charge the rabbit with tax evasion, due the fact that pilfered carrots could concievably be considered "income".

The ATF spends $10 million dollars and surrounds the forrest with 100 agents. They yell at the rabbit to "Come out with your paws up!" for 97 hours. They then burn down the forrest and claim that the rabbit had it coming.

The Chicago Police Department sends two patrolmen into the forrest. An hour later, they emerge with a badly beaten bear in handcuffs, who is shouting, "Alright, alright, I'm a fucking rabbit already!"


Sheep
Link Posted: 1/27/2006 7:07:40 PM EDT


Link Posted: 1/29/2006 4:10:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/29/2006 4:10:58 PM EDT by doorgunner]
Link Posted: 1/29/2006 4:34:56 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/30/2006 1:13:17 AM EDT
Dispatcher notifies deputy of snake call. Deputy replies, "Radio, you can send me to any call in this county, but I ain't going to THAT call!"

True story!
Link Posted: 1/30/2006 1:21:50 AM EDT
What about when you work with one?
Link Posted: 1/30/2006 1:23:41 AM EDT

Originally Posted By vanilla_gorilla:
Dispatcher notifies deputy of snake call. Deputy replies, "Radio, you can send me to any call in this county, but I ain't going to THAT call!"

True story!



That would be my plan.

One of my co-workers got sent to "angry rattlesnake, hissing at people.........."
Link Posted: 1/30/2006 2:09:13 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Sagus:
#12 Police/Sheriff Dispatcher:

Tells caller the police don't handle snakes - that's Animal Control's job. Continues drinking coffee and snarfing down chips & cake. Sits there and thinks to self why dont the public grow up and realize that they need to do some things on there own and quit bothering local law enforecement with petty shit



there fixed it for ya
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