It's been a while since I've posted, and it sucks that I'm returning with a post like this.

About three weeks ago my brother discovered that his wife has had multiple affairs in the five years they have been married. He hired a PI firm and has consulted with an attorney, and has familiarized himself with divorce law in VA. In the last couple of weeks the PI firm has compiled a mountain of data including photos, a couple of years worth of texts between the wife and Dbs (provided by my brother), and the like.

She's currently traveling to Canada with their two small children and will return in a week or so. He has informed her that she will either sign a separation agreement drafted by his attorney in which he will split all assets 50/50 and award no alimony, or he will file and take the case to court, subpoenaing the two most recent DBs to testify.

He has a few guns in the house, and found her 9mm and put it in the safe along with the rest of them as she tried to take her own life about 15 years ago (long before they met).

Although he has done his due diligence and the law seems to be on his side regarding the affairs/divorce, my concern is that this woman will either try to:

A) hamstring the process and his access to their home/children by saying she fears for her life ("Because guns!") and filing a restraining order, or;
B) encouraging some kind of retaliation from one of the DBs with whom she's having an affair. Both have a lot to lose - one of them is a prominent businessman who is married with three kids, and who has been EXTREMELY concerned that the affair will come to light.

Am I being overly cautious here? I've encouraged him to remove the all the guns from his home and store them securely offsite - he's decided to hold onto his own 9mm.

Mods feel free to move this topic, or to lock/delete if this isn't an appropriate topic.

I'd have him give ALL the guns to someone else to hold. I have heard (and I think read on here) stories about someone claiming to have had a person threaten them with a gun.... Only to show the police an empty safe and no guns to be found.

My suggestion would be to ask a lawyer and not a bunch of cops...

As much as we claim to know, we really DON'T know that much...

We know criminal stuff.. And even then we know it in a general "overall" sense and not in a detailed in depth sense...


Some of the older guys that have been doing it for years might know the more common statutes word for word... But they won't know the rare ones.


(There are exceptions to what I said. Some dudes know the entire book word for word.. I used to know more. Then I went to a job where laws don't matter and rules aren't enforced.)

Thank you for the advice. He spoke with her last night; she said that she "fears for her own safety" and blames the affairs on him, so go figure.

She seems unstable. How tough would it be for her to file a restraining order - is there any sort of evidenciary requirement in VA, or is it like ME where every visit to an attorney by a woman practically comes with an offer for a free RO with a bonus A&B charge upgrade while supplies last?

If your brother or the wife walked into the lobby and spoke with me I would just say none of this is criminal and to consult with an attorney.

Why doesn't your brother just find another place to live in the meantime?

NOT a LEO!!!

The words civilized divorce is an oxymoron.

Call an attorney!!

He's retained an atty.

He's not going anywhere. They're in a new home paid for solely by him, and he will likely be a single dad to a 2.5 y/old and a 6mo old because if she gets custody she can't leave the state. She's been trying to get him to move to AL for five years; I think when the divorce goes through she's outta there.

It is very easy for someone to file for an emergency protection order, which lasts 72 hours (or until monday if it expires over the weekend). Anyone can go to a magistrate and swear request one, which doesn't automatically meant the petitioner will get one, but it is a fairly low standard. Protection orders can be extended, but you have to go to court and talk to the judge about it.

Does he plan on cohabitating with her during the divorce? What happens when she gets an order of protection/restraining order and a judge forces him to live somewhere else?

If she does that he's willing to let a judge decide what happens next. As VA is a "fault divorce" state it sounds like the law may back him up.

Update: she told him today that she "may decide to stay in Canada for a while with the kids" if he doesn't agree to work things out without divorcing her. This afternoon he told his attorney to file and have her served.

Saved a co-worker of mine, he logged his gun into the evidence room everyday at the end of his shift while going through his divorce.

Saved one of mine too. He stopped at his parents house on the way home from work everyday and locked up his pistol. Wife got pissed one night and called the cops. When they showed up she told them "my husband is a federal agent and he pulled his gun out and threatened me..." he pulled the cop into another room and laid it all out, told him he had permission to search the house and his car, and would take him to his parents house and open the safe he was using to show him where his gun was... Cops asked her to repeat he complaint and then locked her up.

If he had any guns in the house he would have arrested and charged. There is zero tolerance around these parts for DV and as a LEO with access to guns you are guilty until proven innocent...

Have him give the guns to someone else to hold until the dust settles. Its better than having the cops confiscate them and log them into property where he has to fight to get them back.

Pretty serious tactical error informing her like that while she was out of the country.

Best of luck.

No OPSEC compromise occurred.

He told her before she left that her having several affairs in five years made him rather uninterested in "working things out", and that she would agree to a fair settlement agreement drawn up by his attorney or that he would file and have her served. She begged him to not carry out service of process while visiting family in Canada... because she wants to keep the affairs/investigation/divorce a secret from her parents. This gives you a glimpse into her state of mind. He has started the process after what appears to be a veiled threat to keep their two small children abroad as leverage.

In the meantime, he found out that before they met she had been "the other woman" for three other married men.

Thanks for the heads-up and your insight. I think having them all out of the house is a good thing, but she's showing herself to be a loon who is capable of anything at this point.

Thank you for responding - I've let him know to ask his attorney about this.

Curious Hypothetical question (and sorry, not trying to hijack the thread here), but what would one do with NFA guns in the situation where one was in the process of or about to divorce.  You can't really store those off-site, correct?

My understanding is as long as they are locked up, and only the registered person has the key, you are good, even if stored off-site.

Noted and thanks.

FPNI. Saw it happen to a shipmate when we came back from a Med Cruise. She wanted a divorce,  he wanted to work it out. He came home one afternoon, one of his pistols was on the table. Just as he was asking why, the law knocks on the door and she is suddenly hysterical. Instant shitshow. Get ALL the guns out of the house. 

Take them to an FFL for "repair" and pay the dealer to "put them at the back of the work line".

My local FFL has several guns in the safe that have been "getting worked on" for months. He charges a small storage fee (last time I asked was like $20 a month) and doesn't have to log it as a ownership transfer, just in the shop log for "repair".

I can tell you from my own experience. Don't know if he's ever been through a divorce before, but attorneys are paid to win the case for their client. Period.

I filed for divorce on my last wife and her attorney filed a victim protection order against me. She told my ex that it was her policy in all her divorce cases and could be used for leverage to get what they wanted later.

My ex refused to go through with the VPO order and that part of the divorce never went before a judge. She called the court clerk and told them to cancel it. I still had to pay the fees. It still shows on a court record that a VPO was filed. The subject came up at my last job interview.

Your instincts are on point.  Women have a VERY powerful weapon -- the DV process.  My ex filed about a half dozen.  Everything is tilted in favor of the woman, especially if she's the accuser.

Get rid of the guns, now.  Drop them off at your local FFL for cleaning.  Whatever he wants for the paperwork and storage, it's worth it.

If she is doing the things she appears to be doing, she isn't in a very good position.  She will be desperate, and will resort to anything to save face and engender some sympathy with her friends. "Yes, I was driven into the arms of another man, but us was because my husband was a) controlling, b) abusive, 3) taking drugs, or 4) all of the above."  That will be her only bargaining chip.  If she lied about her marital fidelity, don't expect her to start being truthful now.