Getting over a call - Page 2

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Getting over a call (Page 2 of 2)

Posted: 5/13/2017 3:22:22 AM EDT

[#1]

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Quoted:
OP, hope things are going better. As many here have said, seek professional counseling if possible, outside your dept. if need be. At the very least PLEASE PM me and I'm happy to talk, literally any time.

Continue to talk about it with someone you trust, even if the person you're talking too has no idea about the technical aspects of your job. Stay away from alcohol as much as you can, it may feel like it's helping but I guarantee as time goes on it will make things worse.

Let your spouse/significant other know what's going on as well, even if it has to be in general terms. There will be points when at night you are going to have night terrors about this, and it can be very difficult for them if they have no idea why you end up jumping out of bed/screaming/thrashing in the middle of the night. Hopefully you have a strong, understanding relationship, because eventually it will bleed through to your personal life, and sometimes it may make it seem like you're being a huge asshole.

Get lots of good exercise, and keep your mind occupied. The worst moments can be when you're stressed/sick/not getting enough sleep/just sitting around. Keep working?, even if it means going to the same sorts of calls. You hopefully do what you do to help others on some sort of level, remember what you are there for.

I don't think it will ever completely go away, but eventually, but soon those images will not be the only thing you see when you close your eyes. You will accept there wasn't anything else you could do. You'll be able to move on with your life, but you're always going to carry an unseen scar.

Again PLEASE PM ME OR THE OTHERS WHO HAVE OFFERED HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK AND FIND A PROFESSIONAL TO TALK TO AS WELL.

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I always vent to my wife after a bad day. I'm glad that I can do that with her. I find that when I talk about stuff I don't dream about it. I still get a bit of an adrenaline kick whenever I end up thinking about a shooting. Professional advice I was givin is that it is going to play through your head like a movie from time to time. You will stress yourself more trying to stop it. So just sit back and watch. It ended up being a good win so that helps.

The crazy thing is when stuff happens you just go into straight robot mode and do what needs to get done. Everything becomes an emotionless calculation of time, space and procedure. Contact, reload, radio, contact, hold. The holy shit wave of emotions comes afterwards when you have a minute to think about how crazy what just happened was and how close you just came to getting snuffed out.

As others said you can't choose what sticks with you. In our profession we can soak up a lot of the evil, pain and suffering of others, you need to wring it out every once in a while.

Also remember that this happens or eventually will happen to everybody if they do the job long enough. Most of the time things can get left at work but some things will come home with you. Don't feel bad about it it just means you have a heart. Don't hesitate reaching out to somebody.

Posted: 5/13/2017 5:11:31 AM EDT

[#2]

I can remember all the terrible deaths over my 25 years but very few of the peaceful type. Talk to a counselor or a pastor. Shit happens but you were there trying. Be a peace with that.

Posted: 5/17/2017 1:04:59 AM EDT

[#3]

Please talk to someone either a mental health professional who specializes in first responders or even peer to peer help. Don't let these calls pile up in your mind because pretty soon one after another will start to weigh on you.

Posted: 5/24/2017 7:34:07 PM EDT

[#4]

I retired at the end of 2001, and still haven't discussed some of the stuff that left me with PTSD. I have one image stuck in my mind that I just won't share. I figure sharing it won't remove it from my mind, and I sure as hell don't want to put that image in anyone else's mind, because then they would have to live with it too....and I would still have it. I see no benefit in doubling the number of people who have to have that stuck in their head, and would think it somewhat cruel to pass it on.

Overall I have a wonderful life, think myself richly blessed, but everybody has something. I was given that image along with all the blessings, and I accept my lot. Like I said, everybody has something, and that is what I have.

Posted: 5/25/2017 12:00:29 PM EDT

[#5]

Talk to people if you don't feel like talking to a counselor or someone in your department I'm sure 110% that you have more then one ear here that would be happy to talk with you!

Advice remember the good more then the bad make it a goal of yours each day to read or experience something good that you or a fellow officer/EMT/ Firefighter/ Medical staff has done!

Don't bottle it up and know you did ALL you could do without causing harm to yourself or fellow officer! No lawman can say they never had a day a tear did no fall from there eye! If they do then they where never a lawman or new to the job!

Take care if you need to talk send me an email or IM and we can talk! We are not made of stone and if you did not feel this compassion then your not doing this job for the right reasons!

Posted: 6/25/2017 3:34:15 PM EDT

[#6]

anyone that deals with people in that capacity has felt exactly how you feel. I work as an RN on a surgical oncology floor. there are some patients and things that I will never forget. you just kinda deal and as another poster said you gotta just know that you did everything you could and that its NOT your fault. Just talk about it and get it it all off your chest. thats what coworkers are for man. non medical/ems/leo people dont really seem to understand alot of the time.

Posted: 6/25/2017 11:26:51 PM EDT

[#7]

Different situations affect different people in their own ways. I recently watched a video of another officer I used to work with. He recently had some domestic problems with his soon to be ex wife. The combination of the domestic problems and seeing the article of another officer killed in the line of duty hit him hard. He was very emotional and was bawling his eyes out. Multiple friends are advising he seek professional help. Don't know if he'll go or not.

Posted: 6/27/2017 12:41:11 PM EDT

[#8]

My to 0.02 Euro-Cent... in 26y in LE/Mil now it helped me a lot to talk to my bro´s and my family.
Over and over again. Don´t hide it at home. That is your Castel! They will understand you and support you.
Don´t think you are the only one who feels bad after such call´s.
Talk to your co-workers. I am sure they had similar calls.
And even a tough guy can suffer from a bad call. So you are not weak just cause you have problems with that call.
If you really suffer from it more than 6 weeks....like can´t eat, can't sleep or can't get a clear head... than you need help.
But even that is not a sign of weakness.

Stay safe and feel free to contact me any time.

Cheers,

Gunner

Posted: 7/19/2017 8:27:12 PM EDT

[#9]

I have been directly involved with 2 major events. I am still not over them.

The first was in 2011 and my LT fell through the roof we were ventilating and burned to death.

The 2nd was the July 7th police massacre.

Coupled with all the other horrible calls I have been a part of, it's hard all around.

Posted: 8/4/2017 9:05:01 PM EDT

[#10]

Many years 911 here, BTDT.

IMHO, one of my former commanders seemed to have the best way to describe his process. I adopted it and it works well, for me....

Imagine a house in your head. Inside are the normal rooms and some are bedrooms, there are closets inside these bedrooms. On the upper shelf of one of these closets are a bunch of small boxes, all types of boxes. Some are shoe boxes, some jewelry or watch boxes. Some are wrapped in fancy paper and some are bare cardboard.

Each of these boxes contain a separate demon, representative of each of the awful calls that you ran. They are made up of the pain, emotional torment and trauma that was a part of that call. Each box hold the possibility of eating a pistol.

Every once in a while, you must go into that room, pick a box and take it down.....then open it up and make your peace with this demon. Once you're done, you close it up and put it back in the closet, on the shelf.

This process makes the most sense to me......and they have worked for me.

Two times so far, and recently as a few days ago some trigger causes me to find myself back in the throes of the original call that caused all of the issues. I was walking the dog with my wife and we had just returned to the truck. I checked my phone and saw a post about a call from 3 years ago. I was back on this call....with all if the smells, sights and sounds. I was in the parking lot of the park and also along side the road on that call. I broke down.....I was cratered.

I talked it out with the wife and a buddy who was there.

PTSD is real and we are all afflicted. Get some help, talk it out.

Give me an IM if you need some help.

You are not alone.

Posted: 8/4/2017 9:08:24 PM EDT

[#11]

Quote History

Quoted:
I retired at the end of 2001, and still haven't discussed some of the stuff that left me with PTSD. I have one image stuck in my mind that I just won't share. I figure sharing it won't remove it from my mind, and I sure as hell don't want to put that image in anyone else's mind, because then they would have to live with it too....and I would still have it. I see no benefit in doubling the number of people who have to have that stuck in their head, and would think it somewhat cruel to pass it on.

Overall I have a wonderful life, think myself richly blessed, but everybody has something. I was given that image along with all the blessings, and I accept my lot. Like I said, everybody has something, and that is what I have.

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Brother,

You have got to let that shit out.

I'm here, IM me.

Posted: 8/8/2017 4:41:19 PM EDT

[#12]

Quote History

Quoted:
Brother,

You have got to let that shit out.

I'm here, IM me.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
I retired at the end of 2001, and still haven't discussed some of the stuff that left me with PTSD. I have one image stuck in my mind that I just won't share. I figure sharing it won't remove it from my mind, and I sure as hell don't want to put that image in anyone else's mind, because then they would have to live with it too....and I would still have it. I see no benefit in doubling the number of people who have to have that stuck in their head, and would think it somewhat cruel to pass it on.

Overall I have a wonderful life, think myself richly blessed, but everybody has something. I was given that image along with all the blessings, and I accept my lot. Like I said, everybody has something, and that is what I have.

Brother,

You have got to let that shit out.

I'm here, IM me.

Likewise. I've helped other ARFCOM folks with difficult calls.

Posted: 8/26/2017 11:02:15 PM EDT

[#13]

I've recently gone through a similar situation and feelings after doing chest compressions on an infant who ended up dying. In 2 months my squad has dealt with 5 infant calls where 3 have died. I was at everyone of them. I took the advice of a coworker and went to see someone who does emdr therapy. It is designed with ptsd types of issues. I feel better after two sessions with her than I have felt in years. Please look into it. Most of the people who do emdr have a clue about what we deal with,

Posted: 8/26/2017 11:08:20 PM EDT

[#14]

Quote History

Quoted:
If horrible things impact you, it means you are a caring human being. Others have said to talk it out... I recommend that. If your agency has EAP, look into it for a variety of reasons.

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This.

Posted: 8/26/2017 11:48:07 PM EDT

[#15]

Some calls you ain't meant to get over. They show you that it's Hell all the way down.

Good luck.

Posted: 11/9/2017 11:56:20 PM EDT

[#16]

This forum needs a stickied “fucked up calls” thread.
Seriously.

“Sunlight is the best disinfectant”.

Posted: 11/10/2017 12:23:17 AM EDT

[#17]

Quote History

Quoted:
This forum needs a stickied “fucked up calls” thread.
Seriously.

“Sunlight is the best disinfectant”.

View Quote

true.

J-

Posted: 11/11/2017 3:17:24 AM EDT

[#18]

Talk to your fellow emergency service workers

Talk to your close friends

Talk to your spouse (if they can handle that kind of thing). I have had so many people say not to take your calls home with you, and I find that to be ridiculous advice considering it DOES come home with you regardless on if you want it to or not. My wife can tell when something is bugging me, and I find it very comforting to to talk with her. As a disclaimer, I am one of the minority that actually has a really good marriage and very supportive wife...

Posted: 11/11/2017 12:04:50 PM EDT

[#19]

Quote History

Quoted:
Talk to your fellow emergency service workers

Talk to your close friends

Talk to your spouse (if they can handle that kind of thing). I have had so many people say not to take your calls home with you, and I find that to be ridiculous advice considering it DOES come home with you regardless on if you want it to or not. My wife can tell when something is bugging me, and I find it very comforting to to talk with her. As a disclaimer, I am one of the minority that actually has a really good marriage and very supportive wife...

View Quote

Truth in these words. While there may initially be ballbusting, most of us will offer advice and a sympathetic ear - as long as you buy (or make) coffee, because we've BTDT.

As for your wife?

Take her out more often.

I'm in a similarly lucky boat. HH6's grandfather was a town constable and VFF, so she was used to his disappearing at a moment's notice. Her other Grandfather was career Army and had dealt with sh*t overseas, so she'll patiently listen if I have to talk.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Getting over a call (Page 2 of 2)

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