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Posted: 3/7/2006 8:50:05 PM EDT
Help me to understand something from the other perspective and if you see fit offer advice as you please.



I guess my tendency to simplify things down to the cold reality is biting me in the ass. Though I don't intend it to be it is seen as negative or just turns wemon away. Some just seem not to want an issue boiled down to simple realities as they are because the answer is not what they want to hear. If thats unclear I mean they want partial truth or a non-solution and that puzzles me? Do some wemon just not want a clear cut explanation to a problem or do I just come off as negative when I break down a problem?


Link Posted: 3/7/2006 9:24:38 PM EDT
You are not married... I can tell!

Most women I know don't want their problems solved, especially when they are describing them in great detail.
In my experience women want someone to talk to. ....or more precisely someone that will listen to, and commiserate with them in their problems.

The easiest way to put them off?
Simplify or otherwise try to solve the problem they are talking about.

....Yes Dear.
Link Posted: 3/7/2006 9:27:04 PM EDT

Originally Posted By HBruns:
You are not married... I can tell!

Most women I know don't want their problems solved, especially when they are describing them in great detail.
In my experience women want someone to talk to. ....or more precisely someone that will listen to, and commiserate with them in their problems.

The easiest way to put them off?
Simplify or otherwise try to solve the problem they are talking about.


....Yes Dear.




Kind of where I was leaning but was hoping for a female view. They probably think I'm trolling though even though it is not my intent.
Link Posted: 3/8/2006 4:26:14 AM EDT
You aren't trolling, a lot of guys ask questions in here. HBruns is right on the money, though. Most of the time, we ladies want to talk out our problems, but we don't want them solved for us. We want a man to listen and commisserate, but not nit pick and offer solutions. Men, on the other hand, are natural "fixers". We also see all the subtle nuances involved in an issue, and oversimplifying it misses the point. We don't want a bare bones summary of our problem, and we don't want you to fix it. I know that sounds crazy, but women are just wired differently. HTH
Link Posted: 3/8/2006 8:04:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:
You aren't trolling, a lot of guys ask questions in here. HBruns is right on the money, though. Most of the time, we ladies want to talk out our problems, but we don't want them solved for us. We want a man to listen and commisserate, but not nit pick and offer solutions. Men, on the other hand, are natural "fixers". We also see all the subtle nuances involved in an issue, and oversimplifying it misses the point. We don't want a bare bones summary of our problem, and we don't want you to fix it. I know that sounds crazy, but women are just wired differently. HTH



When I get quick fix responses to my "problem," it makes me feel like the other person thinks I'm really stupid. Like I couldn't come up with that myself... I'm just complaining about having to resolve a problem... most likely because someone's feelings are going to get stepped on in the process, not because I don't know how to fix it. It would be nice to be able to solve all problems without stepping on toes, so I spend a little more time solving my problems so I won't hurt someone else. However, the older I get, the more direct a route I take. Women, once they get direct, can really deflate egos in a way men generally do not. That is a pretty serious charge.
Link Posted: 3/8/2006 9:56:42 AM EDT
I think it depends on the problem in question. If it is a situation, I have no problem with someone giving me ideas. If it is personal, sometimes it is like someone saying, hey, I don't like this about you, but if you "fix" it, someone someday may find you acceptable. Things like that, especially when it was something you weren't already beating your self in the head for, are just wrong, it is kind of llike pounding a bee hive with a short stick while you are naked and tied to a post. Don't go there.


Originally Posted By daydreamer:

Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:
You aren't trolling, a lot of guys ask questions in here. HBruns is right on the money, though. Most of the time, we ladies want to talk out our problems, but we don't want them solved for us. We want a man to listen and commisserate, but not nit pick and offer solutions. Men, on the other hand, are natural "fixers". We also see all the subtle nuances involved in an issue, and oversimplifying it misses the point. We don't want a bare bones summary of our problem, and we don't want you to fix it. I know that sounds crazy, but women are just wired differently. HTH



When I get quick fix responses to my "problem," it makes me feel like the other person thinks I'm really stupid. Like I couldn't come up with that myself... I'm just complaining about having to resolve a problem... most likely because someone's feelings are going to get stepped on in the process, not because I don't know how to fix it. It would be nice to be able to solve all problems without stepping on toes, so I spend a little more time solving my problems so I won't hurt someone else. However, the older I get, the more direct a route I take. Women, once they get direct, can really deflate egos in a way men generally do not. That is a pretty serious charge.



True. Usually accidental, but true.
Link Posted: 3/8/2006 11:50:15 AM EDT

Originally Posted By daydreamer:

Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:
You aren't trolling, a lot of guys ask questions in here. HBruns is right on the money, though. Most of the time, we ladies want to talk out our problems, but we don't want them solved for us. We want a man to listen and commisserate, but not nit pick and offer solutions. Men, on the other hand, are natural "fixers". We also see all the subtle nuances involved in an issue, and oversimplifying it misses the point. We don't want a bare bones summary of our problem, and we don't want you to fix it. I know that sounds crazy, but women are just wired differently. HTH



When I get quick fix responses to my "problem," it makes me feel like the other person thinks I'm really stupid. Like I couldn't come up with that myself... I'm just complaining about having to resolve a problem... most likely because someone's feelings are going to get stepped on in the process, not because I don't know how to fix it. It would be nice to be able to solve all problems without stepping on toes, so I spend a little more time solving my problems so I won't hurt someone else. However, the older I get, the more direct a route I take. Women, once they get direct, can really deflate egos in a way men generally do not. That is a pretty serious charge.




I'm really to straightforward to have any ego issues nor am I the sensative type so tend not to take things personally. So if I am reading right unless they say specificly they want something fixed, moved, or dead just play along rather than solve the problem? Stepping on toes and whether I do it depends on the person, to say simply I'll consider if I like, care, or respect that person if not I don't choose my words as carefully. Guess I need to work on that. As far as talikng about a problem rather than addressing it, maybe I'll never understand. I think I'm too task oriented.
Link Posted: 3/8/2006 12:00:23 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/8/2006 12:02:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By daydreamer:

Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:
You aren't trolling, a lot of guys ask questions in here. HBruns is right on the money, though. Most of the time, we ladies want to talk out our problems, but we don't want them solved for us. We want a man to listen and commisserate, but not nit pick and offer solutions. Men, on the other hand, are natural "fixers". We also see all the subtle nuances involved in an issue, and oversimplifying it misses the point. We don't want a bare bones summary of our problem, and we don't want you to fix it. I know that sounds crazy, but women are just wired differently. HTH



When I get quick fix responses to my "problem," it makes me feel like the other person thinks I'm really stupid. Like I couldn't come up with that myself... I'm just complaining about having to resolve a problem... most likely because someone's feelings are going to get stepped on in the process, not because I don't know how to fix it. It would be nice to be able to solve all problems without stepping on toes, so I spend a little more time solving my problems so I won't hurt someone else. However, the older I get, the more direct a route I take. Women, once they get direct, can really deflate egos in a way men generally do not. That is a pretty serious charge.



These ladies have done an excellent job!
There are times when I am terse and direct and it pisses people off (not my intention) and there are times when I want to discuss things and hubby (or my older brother, the 2 main men in my life) will be terse and direct and I get pissed.
Women are complex.
I'll admit that.
But we're really alot of fun.
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