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Posted: 3/2/2006 5:54:09 AM EDT
My girlfriend has an 8 year old. Her ex is 40 and has a 20/21 year old pregnant girlfriend.

When the kid is at dad's, he is evidently allowed to sleep in the bed with dad and GF. When I stay at my girlfriend's place, he often wants to sleep in the bed with us, and cites "daddy lets me do it" as a validation of why it's ok. My girlfriend also lets him sleep with her when she's alone.

I'm frankly uncomfortable as hell with this. She sleeps in between us when she allows it so it's not like I'm snuggling with someone else's kid, but it still creeps me out. Aside from the creepy feeling, it leads to nobody in the bed getting any sleep at all except for the kid.

I don't think an 8-year old should be sleeping in any bed but his own, especially one where there are non-parents involved. I think that both the mother and father should tell the kid to stay in his own bed and start putting their foot (feet?) down.

Am I crazy? Is 8 too old to be sleeping with mommy and daddy on a regular basis?
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 6:01:27 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 6:49:08 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SP1Grrl:
I don't have kids, but I certainly think 8 is way too old to be sleeping in the bed. That just seems really weird to me. hinking.gif



Same situation for me but +1 for finding it weird. I know I never slept in bed with my parents at that age. I could maybe understand if something scary happens or really bad dream one night, but as something that keep on going ... kid is just going to get spoiled and not want to sleep in his bed even more. hinking.gif
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 6:51:49 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 7:29:36 AM EDT
8 is a little old to be sleeping with parents, in my opinion.
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 8:40:39 AM EDT
My eldest was in our bed until he was 4 1/2. Looooong story. Anyway, now 8, he occasionally climbs in when he's had a bad dream. BUT he is with his dad and mom. I personally would not want a kid that was not mine in bed with me...like it or not, it leads to issues you'd rather not deal with.
Your gut is right. If you are in the bed, he's not. And if I were your GF, I'd have REAL problems with my son sleeping in a bed with his dad and 21 year old pregnant girlfriend.
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 8:53:12 AM EDT
8 is too old. At least you are feeling weird about it, which makes you normal, unlike him....


Link Posted: 3/2/2006 8:57:43 AM EDT
Where the hel is Sarge??? I think he was one of the people who allow his kids to sleep in bed with him and his wife. 8 is WAY too old. Kids belong in their OWN damn bed when old enuff. 8 is more then old enuff.
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 9:04:00 AM EDT
In the kid's defense, his folks are still going through the divorce and have only been separated for a year and half or so. He's also dealing with some screwy issues with the dirtbag dad leaving mom for the 20 year-old slut.

With that said, I came from more of a "tough love" background, and I personally think that if they force him into his own bed he'll get over it pretty quickly.
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 9:30:29 AM EDT

Originally Posted By in_burrito:
In the kid's defense, his folks are still going through the divorce and have only been separated for a year and half or so. He's also dealing with some screwy issues with the dirtbag dad leaving mom for the 20 year-old slut.

With that said, I came from more of a "tough love" background, and I personally think that if they force him into his own bed he'll get over it pretty quickly.



Going through the divorce is really not an excuse. I went through a divorce when my girls were around the same age. They seen numerous fights where Daddy was beating on Mommy etc. It was not a pleasant thing for them. They however did NOT sleep in bed with either one of us during the trying time. At 8 years old they are way to old to be in bed with parents other then a rare occasion for a nightmare or something. It is really not a good idea to have a child in bed with an adult that is NOT their own parent no matter what the age or circumstances.
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 9:39:50 AM EDT
In general, I think cosleeping is fine, but I have to agree with the others that a child should not be sleeping in a bed with an adult who is not the parent. Sorry, not in today's world. It has nothing to do with the child's age, either.
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 9:44:09 AM EDT
I think that the way I'm going to re-addres this with my girlfriend is that if she thinks its necessary for him to be in the bed, I'll sleep in the guest room. I don't want it to come across as a "kid vs. boyfriend" kind of thing, but I really don't see any alternative.
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 9:54:40 AM EDT

Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:
In general, I think cosleeping is fine, but I have to agree with the others that a child should not be sleeping in a bed with an adult who is not the parent. Sorry, not in today's world. It has nothing to do with the child's age, either.



Same thoughts here.
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 9:57:07 AM EDT

Originally Posted By in_burrito:
I personally think that if they force him into his own bed he'll get over it pretty quickly.



I think you're right. I also think the less time the kid spends at "dad's" the better.
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 11:02:18 AM EDT

Originally Posted By livefreeordieNH:

Originally Posted By in_burrito:
I personally think that if they force him into his own bed he'll get over it pretty quickly.


I think you're right. I also think the less time the kid spends at "dad's" the better.


Ironically, I currently see more of the kid than the dad does. Unfortunately I'm not in a position to discipline him, so I have to simply try to guide him when I can and encourage him to "help mom out".
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 11:03:21 AM EDT
I have never let my kids sleep in the bed with me except for special circumstances (sick, bad dream etc). A former friend would let his kids, ages 11, 9, and 7, sleep with him. I was weirded out by it too.
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 11:23:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:
In general, I think cosleeping is fine...



You mean after infancy, right?

(BTW, I agree 100% with your comments re: non-parental adults.)
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 7:15:06 PM EDT
Uhm...........my bed will never have kids in it. My bedroom is my space, and it WILL NOT be invaded.
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 9:42:58 PM EDT
Yes, that is too old.

My boy sleeps in the bed with us, but he is 9 months. Trust me, I heard all the horror stories about suffocation, never going to his own bed, etc.

It works out perfect. He never wakes up hungry and screaming in the middle of the night. He just starts kicking my wife lightly and she knows its time to nurse him. I have actually been awake and watched her in her light sleep move him about, make sure he is on his back and can nurse with no problem. That whole mother thing is amazing.

He has no problems sleeping in his crib during the day or in the early evening since we don't hit the sack untill around 11:00. I put him down about 8:00 all by himself. Not a peep unless he get hungry.
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