Just call me "ON-STAR"

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Just call me "ON-STAR"

Posted: 1/10/2006 11:27:27 AM EDT

So, just got the oddest request that I've had in a long time in my career as a corporate travel agent. I had a guy driving from Miami (played a round of golf on the blue monster at Doral this AM..I set up the tee times, too) to Naples, and he was stuck in nasty traffic on I-95. He wanted me to talk him through going a different route.

After weighing my options..I decided on good old Rand McNally.

It's a good thing to be able to read a map.

Yes, that's right. I'm a woman. And I can read a map.

don't faint.

Posted: 1/10/2006 1:01:58 PM EDT

[#1]

i live for maps

i have zero sense of direction

Posted: 1/10/2006 1:05:19 PM EDT

[#2]

Can ya read a topo map?

Posted: 1/10/2006 1:13:31 PM EDT

[#3]

Quoted:
Can ya read a topo map?

Absotivley! Just don't make me hike up too many squiggly lines "death march style".

Posted: 1/10/2006 1:50:55 PM EDT

[#4]

That makes one of us. (Speaking only for myself) I've gotten lost in my own neighborhood before. Forget it.

Posted: 1/10/2006 2:08:07 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Can ya read a topo map?

Absotivley! Just don't make me hike up too many squiggly lines "death march style".

Just the opposite - try to plan a route that crosses the least number of lines.

Posted: 1/10/2006 4:37:19 PM EDT

[#6]

Nothing like having a good ole RM truckers atlashen
Way to go Daisy!!

Posted: 1/10/2006 6:48:36 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:
That makes one of us. (Speaking only for myself) I've gotten lost in my own neighborhood before. Forget it.

Hahaha....haha....haaaa(trails off)

Oh, wait. I have, too.

<------------Can't find the way out of a paper bag with a map.

Posted: 1/11/2006 3:59:15 AM EDT

[#8]

Maps I can read (and fold)
I can find my way on the road of life.
Malls and parking garages???
I'm so lost.

Daisy...wanna go shopping?

Posted: 1/11/2006 6:17:10 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Can ya read a topo map?

Absotivley! Just don't make me hike up too many squiggly lines "death march style".
Just the opposite - try to plan a route that crosses the least number of lines.

From the above, I gather that Daisywench CAN read a topographical map, and DoubleFeed CAN'T read english.

PS, I'm the family navigator. Whenever we hit traffic, hubby makes me find an alternate route. But Daisy... why is that jerk calling his travel agent to get directions?

You should have directed him to his nearest gas station to buy a map.

Posted: 1/11/2006 6:46:26 AM EDT

[#10]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Can ya read a topo map?

Absotivley! Just don't make me hike up too many squiggly lines "death march style".
Just the opposite - try to plan a route that crosses the least number of lines.

From the above, I gather that Daisywench CAN read a topographical map, and DoubleFeed CAN'T read english.

PS, I'm the family navigator. Whenever we hit traffic, hubby makes me find an alternate route. But Daisy... why is that jerk calling his travel agent to get directions? You should have directed him to his nearest gas station to buy a map.

Who knows, Perse? Must be something to do with having to actually stop, and admit that he's got no clue, rather than call me. I already know he's a dimwit.
But he's a Vice President, so I have to do the dirty work. He did call me about a half hour later to thank me, said I did a great job, and he was out of traffic.
yay me

Posted: 1/11/2006 6:49:31 AM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Can ya read a topo map?

Absotivley! Just don't make me hike up too many squiggly lines "death march style".
Just the opposite - try to plan a route that crosses the least number of lines.

From the above, I gather that Daisywench CAN read a topographical map, and DoubleFeed CAN'T read english.

PS, I'm the family navigator. Whenever we hit traffic, hubby makes me find an alternate route. But Daisy... why is that jerk calling his travel agent to get directions? You should have directed him to his nearest gas station to buy a map.

Who knows, Perse? Must be something to do with having to actually stop, and admit that he's got no clue, rather than call me. I already know he's a dimwit.
But he's a Vice President, so I have to do the dirty work. He did call me about a half hour later to thank me, said I did a great job, and he was out of traffic.
yay me

LOL, next time tell him: "Thank you, thank you, no applause, please. Just throw money!"

Posted: 1/11/2006 6:54:55 AM EDT

[#12]

The next time I call my travel agent I am going to ask..."Daisy, it that you?"

If the answer is "Yes," then you had better call EMS, because I will drive off the road with joy!

Posted: 1/11/2006 6:57:05 AM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:

Who knows, Perse? Must be something to do with having to actually stop, and admit that he's got no clue, rather than call me. I already know he's a dimwit.
But he's a Vice President, so I have to do the dirty work. He did call me about a half hour later to thank me, said I did a great job, and he was out of traffic.
yay me

Didya tell him that gifts were approriate as well? And that you're registered at Macy's, Sears and the local Packie?

Posted: 1/11/2006 6:59:59 AM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
The next time I call my travel agent I am going to ask..."Daisy, it that you?"

If the answer is "Yes," then you had better call EMS, because I will drive off the road with joy!

Great, he'll drive off the road, then call ME to get AAA to drag his ass out of the ditch.

MY JOB IS NEVER DONE!!!!

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:02:02 AM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
Quoted:

Who knows, Perse? Must be something to do with having to actually stop, and admit that he's got no clue, rather than call me. I already know he's a dimwit.
But he's a Vice President, so I have to do the dirty work. He did call me about a half hour later to thank me, said I did a great job, and he was out of traffic.
yay me

Didya tell him that gifts were approriate as well? And that you're registered at Macy's, Sears and the local Packie?

Is "Packie" yank-speak for liquor store?

If so...

Good girl.

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:02:48 AM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:
Quoted:
The next time I call my travel agent I am going to ask..."Daisy, it that you?"

If the answer is "Yes," then you had better call EMS, because I will drive off the road with joy!

Great, he'll drive off the road, then call ME to get AAA to drag his ass out of the ditch.

MY JOB IS NEVER DONE!!!!

We don't have ditches here in Florida. We have "Gator Habitat."

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:05:10 AM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:

Who knows, Perse? Must be something to do with having to actually stop, and admit that he's got no clue, rather than call me. I already know he's a dimwit.
But he's a Vice President, so I have to do the dirty work. He did call me about a half hour later to thank me, said I did a great job, and he was out of traffic.
yay me

Didya tell him that gifts were approriate as well? And that you're registered at Macy's, Sears and the local Packie?

Is "Packie" yank-speak for liquor store?

If so... Good girl.

It most definitely is. Didn't you see "Good Will Hunting?"
lol

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:06:57 AM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:

Who knows, Perse? Must be something to do with having to actually stop, and admit that he's got no clue, rather than call me. I already know he's a dimwit.
But he's a Vice President, so I have to do the dirty work. He did call me about a half hour later to thank me, said I did a great job, and he was out of traffic.
yay me

Didya tell him that gifts were approriate as well? And that you're registered at Macy's, Sears and the local Packie?

Is "Packie" yank-speak for liquor store?

If so... Good girl.

It most definitely is. Didn't you see "Good Will Hunting?"
lol

Great movie! "Hey Will, let's go down to Hahvad and beat up some smaht kids!"

ETA: Damned good thing he called you. I-95 doesn't go to Naples FL. In fact, it doesn't go anywhere close to Naples. As they say in Maine, "ayuhh, ya can't get theyah from heyah."

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:10:19 AM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:

Who knows, Perse? Must be something to do with having to actually stop, and admit that he's got no clue, rather than call me. I already know he's a dimwit.
But he's a Vice President, so I have to do the dirty work. He did call me about a half hour later to thank me, said I did a great job, and he was out of traffic.
yay me

Didya tell him that gifts were approriate as well? And that you're registered at Macy's, Sears and the local Packie?

Is "Packie" yank-speak for liquor store?

If so... Good girl.

It most definitely is. Didn't you see "Good Will Hunting?"
lol

Great movie! "Hey Will, let's go down to Hahvad and beat up some smaht kids!"

ETA: Damned good thing he called you. I-95 doesn't go to Naples FL. In fact, it doesn't go anywhere close to Naples. As they say in Maine, "ayuhh, ya can't get theyah from heyah."

Hey, as a Rhode Islander, you can get ANYWHERE from I-95.

"so this is what a harvard bar looks like? i thought there'd be like equations and shit on the walls."

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:12:47 AM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:

Who knows, Perse? Must be something to do with having to actually stop, and admit that he's got no clue, rather than call me. I already know he's a dimwit.
But he's a Vice President, so I have to do the dirty work. He did call me about a half hour later to thank me, said I did a great job, and he was out of traffic.
yay me

Didya tell him that gifts were approriate as well? And that you're registered at Macy's, Sears and the local Packie?

Is "Packie" yank-speak for liquor store?

If so... Good girl.

It most definitely is. Didn't you see "Good Will Hunting?"
lol

Great movie! "Hey Will, let's go down to Hahvad and beat up some smaht kids!"

ETA: Damned good thing he called you. I-95 doesn't go to Naples FL. In fact, it doesn't go anywhere close to Naples. As they say in Maine, "ayuhh, ya can't get theyah from heyah."

Hey, as a Rhode Islander, you can get ANYWHERE from I-95.

"so this is what a harvard bar looks like? i thought there'd be like equations and shit on the walls."

"...You like apples?"

"What?"

"You like apples? I got yah girlfriends numbah, howsya like them apples!"

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:16:41 AM EDT

[#21]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:

Who knows, Perse? Must be something to do with having to actually stop, and admit that he's got no clue, rather than call me. I already know he's a dimwit.
But he's a Vice President, so I have to do the dirty work. He did call me about a half hour later to thank me, said I did a great job, and he was out of traffic.
yay me

Didya tell him that gifts were approriate as well? And that you're registered at Macy's, Sears and the local Packie?

Is "Packie" yank-speak for liquor store?

If so... Good girl.

It most definitely is. Didn't you see "Good Will Hunting?"
lol

Great movie! "Hey Will, let's go down to Hahvad and beat up some smaht kids!"

ETA: Damned good thing he called you. I-95 doesn't go to Naples FL. In fact, it doesn't go anywhere close to Naples. As they say in Maine, "ayuhh, ya can't get theyah from heyah."

Hey, as a Rhode Islander, you can get ANYWHERE from I-95.

"so this is what a harvard bar looks like? i thought there'd be like equations and shit on the walls."

"...You like apples?"

"What?"

"You like apples? I got yah girlfriends numbah, howsya like them apples!"

"we're not going to Kelley's because you like the take-out girl, it's 15 minutes out of our way."

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:23:03 AM EDT

[#22]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:

Who knows, Perse? Must be something to do with having to actually stop, and admit that he's got no clue, rather than call me. I already know he's a dimwit.
But he's a Vice President, so I have to do the dirty work. He did call me about a half hour later to thank me, said I did a great job, and he was out of traffic.
yay me

Didya tell him that gifts were approriate as well? And that you're registered at Macy's, Sears and the local Packie?

Is "Packie" yank-speak for liquor store?

If so... Good girl.

It most definitely is. Didn't you see "Good Will Hunting?"
lol

Great movie! "Hey Will, let's go down to Hahvad and beat up some smaht kids!"

ETA: Damned good thing he called you. I-95 doesn't go to Naples FL. In fact, it doesn't go anywhere close to Naples. As they say in Maine, "ayuhh, ya can't get theyah from heyah."

Hey, as a Rhode Islander, you can get ANYWHERE from I-95.

"so this is what a harvard bar looks like? i thought there'd be like equations and shit on the walls."

"...You like apples?"

"What?"

"You like apples? I got yah girlfriends numbah, howsya like them apples!"

"we're not going to Kelley's because you like the take-out girl, it's 15 minutes out of our way."

I take a phonecall and this thread spirals into Yankee hell.
WTF

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:26:38 AM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:
...Yes, that's right. I'm a woman. And I can read a map.

don't faint.

Ah, but can you fold it back correctly?...

(That's the part that always throws my better half.

)

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:28:18 AM EDT

[#24]

Quoted:
Quoted:
...Yes, that's right. I'm a woman. And I can read a map.

don't faint.

Ah, but can you fold it back correctly?...

(That's the part that always throws my better half. )

Ya know, the good part about paper? Is that it folds many different ways.

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:29:51 AM EDT

[#25]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:

Who knows, Perse? Must be something to do with having to actually stop, and admit that he's got no clue, rather than call me. I already know he's a dimwit.
But he's a Vice President, so I have to do the dirty work. He did call me about a half hour later to thank me, said I did a great job, and he was out of traffic.
yay me

Didya tell him that gifts were approriate as well? And that you're registered at Macy's, Sears and the local Packie?

Is "Packie" yank-speak for liquor store?

If so... Good girl.

It most definitely is. Didn't you see "Good Will Hunting?"
lol

Great movie! "Hey Will, let's go down to Hahvad and beat up some smaht kids!"

ETA: Damned good thing he called you. I-95 doesn't go to Naples FL. In fact, it doesn't go anywhere close to Naples. As they say in Maine, "ayuhh, ya can't get theyah from heyah."

Hey, as a Rhode Islander, you can get ANYWHERE from I-95.

"so this is what a harvard bar looks like? i thought there'd be like equations and shit on the walls."

"...You like apples?"

"What?"

"You like apples? I got yah girlfriends numbah, howsya like them apples!"

"we're not going to Kelley's because you like the take-out girl, it's 15 minutes out of our way."

SKYLAR: "Oh my God... men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your weiner then you're acting directly on its behalf."

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:31:06 AM EDT

[#26]

"Why does he hang out with those retarded gorrillas?
Because any one of them if he asked them would take a fuckin bat to your head if he asked them to. thats called loyalty."

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:36:09 AM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:

SKYLAR: "Oh my God... men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your weiner then you're acting directly on its behalf."

That's a sigline...but I'd have to strap on Kevlar to troll GD from now on....

I said 'strap on'...hehehe

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:36:54 AM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:
"Why does he hang out with those retarded gorrillas?
Because any one of them if he asked them would take a fuckin bat to your head if he asked them to. thats called loyalty."

Clark: Yeah, but I will have a degree. And you'll be servin' my kids fries at a drive-thru on our way to a skiing trip.

Will: That may be, but at least I won't be unoriginal. But I mean, if you have a problem with that, I mean, we could just step outside - we could figure it out.

Clark: No, man, there's no problem. It's cool.

Will: It's cool?

Clark: Yeah.

Will: Cool.

Chuckie: Fuckin' damn right it's cool. How do you like me NOW?

Morgan: My boy's wicked smart!

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:43:14 AM EDT

[#29]

the boredom within the force is extremely powerful today.

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:47:51 AM EDT

[#30]

Quoted:
"Why does he hang out with those retarded gorrillas?
Because any one of them if he asked them would take a fuckin bat to your head if he asked them to. thats called loyalty."

Skylar: What if I said I wouldn't have sex with you again till I got to meet your friends, what would you say?
Will: It's four-thirty, they're probably still awake.

Chuckie: I didn't get on Cathy last night.
Will Hunting: No?
Chuckie: Nah.
Will Hunting: Why not?
Chuckie: I don't know. [yells across room] Cathy!
Cathy: What?
Chuckie: Why didn't you give me none of that nasty little hoochie-woochie you usually throw at me?

Cathy: Oh, fuck you and your Irish curse, Chuckie. Like I'd waste my energy spreading my legs for that Tootsie Roll dick? So go home and give it a tug yourself.

Sean: Nail them while they're vulnerable, that's my motto. See you Monday. We'll be talking about Freud and why he did enough cocaine to kill a small horse.

Skylar: You were hoping for a goodnight kiss.
Will: No, you know. I'll tell ya, I was hoping for a goodnight lay, but I'll settle for like a kiss.
Skylar: How very noble of you.
Will: Thank you.

Sean McGuire: The reason he hangs around with those "gorillas," as you called them, is because anyone of those "gorillas" would take a baseball bat to your head anyday. It's called loyalty.

Sean McGuire: If you're gonna jerk off, why don't you just do it at home with a moist towel?

Will Hunting: You wasted $150,000 on an education you coulda got for $1.50 in late fees at the public library.

Will: Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the schrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorroids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

Posted: 1/11/2006 7:49:05 AM EDT

[#31]

Quoted:
the boredom within the force is extremely powerful today.

Extremely is right.

Posted: 1/11/2006 9:08:32 AM EDT

[#32]

Well hello there, motherofallhijacks, how ya doin'?

Ya'll crack me up. And yes, I said 'ya'll'.

Posted: 1/11/2006 9:15:27 AM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:
Well hello there, motherofallhijacks, how ya doin'?

Ya'll crack me up. And yes, I said 'ya'll'.

It was MY thread, I can hijack ALL I WANT!

so there!

Posted: 1/11/2006 9:17:24 AM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Well hello there, motherofallhijacks, how ya doin'?

Ya'll crack me up. And yes, I said 'ya'll'.

It was MY thread, I can hijack ALL I WANT!

so there!

"How do you like them apples?"

SP1Grrl...you just got PWN3D! (only slightly though)

Posted: 1/11/2006 9:23:37 AM EDT

[#35]

I've a 3 year old with a better attention span.
<-------I'll be over HERE

Posted: 1/11/2006 10:53:44 AM EDT

[#36]

hijack with a joke...

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful
parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that
this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution, and sometimes it
says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird
anyway.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and
waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house,
new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then
thought, "that's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and
said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been
raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith."