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Posted: 12/22/2005 12:54:05 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/22/2005 12:54:29 PM EDT by BeetleBailey]
or are they shunned?
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 1:06:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 1:07:51 PM EDT
Beetle-yes, us menfolk are allowed here as long as we're civil and we're polite and nice.

Click me for the official staff position
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 1:20:47 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/22/2005 1:21:01 PM EDT by BeetleBailey]

...reason I ask is, I have a question on a sensitive subject and I just honestly want some decent and truthful feedback that I know I won't get anywhere else.
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 3:07:55 PM EDT
Ask away we try to do what we can. Men are welcome as long as they play nice.
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 3:17:55 PM EDT

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:
...reason I ask is, I have a question on a sensitive subject and I just honestly want some decent and truthful feedback that I know I won't get anywhere else.


You're in the right place then.
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 5:06:56 PM EDT
Just remember everyone can still see it!!!
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 7:14:51 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 8:54:29 PM EDT

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:
or are they shunned?

Just as long as behave ourselves and don't pry too much into why they have so many shoes.
Link Posted: 12/23/2005 4:35:42 AM EDT
Yup...we'll answer you honestly.
But DO remember it'll appear in active topics.

And we will all pleasd the 5th on the shoe issue. We're professional that way.
Link Posted: 12/23/2005 4:56:26 AM EDT
And no posting crap like

"all women are evil"

and stuff like that there.

We've had just about enough of that.

So...go ahead. ASK.

we're listening.

Link Posted: 12/23/2005 5:28:09 AM EDT
Well, after thinking it over some more, I have decided that it's probably better left in silent disgression. It's probably rude for me to ask such questions to you classy ladies. It had to do with mental, emotional, and physical intimacy, how there are interrelated, and the frequency and depth with which one is connected to the other. (just so you aren't left wondering. I hate that)
Link Posted: 12/23/2005 5:36:40 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:
Well, after thinking it over some more, I have decided that it's probably better left in silent disgression. It's probably rude for me to ask such questions to you classy ladies. It had to do with mental, emotional, and physical intimacy, how there are interrelated, and the frequency and depth with which one is connected to the other. (just so you aren't left wondering. I hate that)




Hmm..I wouldn't mind answering if you pose the question. It's been talked about before here.
Link Posted: 12/23/2005 5:55:14 AM EDT
just ask the damn question, man
Link Posted: 12/23/2005 6:08:26 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:
frequency and depth



Not a woman, but I know for sure that the first depends on her, and the second depends on you.

Fish
Link Posted: 12/23/2005 6:19:29 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/23/2005 6:29:00 AM EDT by BeetleBailey]

Originally Posted By diabolical_chicken:
just ask the damn question, man



well alright. I'll add a poll so no one has to actually respond.

ETA: I hope I'm not over-stepping any boundaries or offending anyone here. I'm really just looking for some honest input. This topic was covered in the team forum recently and elicited some response which I presume is less than trustworthy. My wife and I have been discussing this matter and have come to different conclusions, and since I always am interested in and value your opinions, I just thought that getting another, different perspective on it might be refreshing.

There are two arguments, that physical intimacy is a product of (1) emotional & mental needs being met, and/or (2) the basis, instinctual human desires and hormones. Does one lead to the other? Do they both have to coincide and be in agreeance? Can one last healthily without the other? The general consensus is that each situation and relationship is different, and that women desire physical intimacy when (1) exists and is healthy, while with men it is naturally and primarily (2). How much truth lies within this conjecture?
Link Posted: 12/23/2005 6:52:30 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:

Originally Posted By diabolical_chicken:
just ask the damn question, man



well alright. I'll add a poll so no one has to actually respond.

ETA: I hope I'm not over-stepping any boundaries or offending anyone here. I'm really just looking for some honest input. This topic was covered in the team forum recently and elicited some response which I presume is less than trustworthy. My wife and I have been discussing this matter and have come to different conclusions, and since I always am interested in and value your opinions, I just thought that getting another, different perspective on it might be refreshing.

There are two arguments, that physical intimacy is a product of (1) emotional & mental needs being met, and/or (2) the basis, instinctual human desires and hormones. Does one lead to the other? Do they both have to coincide and be in agreeance? Can one last healthily without the other? The general consensus is that each situation and relationship is different, and that women desire physical intimacy when (1) exists and is healthy, while with men it is naturally and primarily (2). How much truth lies within this conjecture?



huh. I think I know where you're going with this. I'll see if I can try to give you my take on it. Of course each relationship is different, as everyone is different.

For me, a relationship will not last long without the intimacy of sex. I crave the closeness and physical and mental connection of it. My s/o and I usually don't go more than 48 hours without, unless one or the other is just exhausted or sick.

That being said, when my late husband had brain cancer and was sick, we went for almost 5 months without. It's all about the situation. At that time it wasnt about going without, it was about doing what you have to do. And even though he didn't have the strength for intercourse, there were other things that we did that weren't as "taxing". It's just about keeping up the intimacy and closeness for me, because without that, you're just roommates.
Link Posted: 12/23/2005 7:03:47 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:

Originally Posted By diabolical_chicken:
just ask the damn question, man



well alright. I'll add a poll so no one has to actually respond.

ETA: I hope I'm not over-stepping any boundaries or offending anyone here. I'm really just looking for some honest input. This topic was covered in the team forum recently and elicited some response which I presume is less than trustworthy. My wife and I have been discussing this matter and have come to different conclusions, and since I always am interested in and value your opinions, I just thought that getting another, different perspective on it might be refreshing.

There are two arguments, that physical intimacy is a product of (1) emotional & mental needs being met, and/or (2) the basis, instinctual human desires and hormones. Does one lead to the other? Do they both have to coincide and be in agreeance? Can one last healthily without the other? The general consensus is that each situation and relationship is different, and that women desire physical intimacy when (1) exists and is healthy, while with men it is naturally and primarily (2). How much truth lies within this conjecture?



SweetmotherofGod...I gotta give you credit Beetle...you pack a whallop in your questions!

First, I HIGHLY recommend reading "Hot Monogamy." It's chock full of info on this issue.
I don't agree with the first statement. People can and are physically intimate with people they hardly know all the time. I believe there is a difference between Making love and having raw sex. Neither one is better than the other, on a base level, and just because you love someone does NOT mean you can't have the latter. That said, true intimacy is reached (physically ans emotionally) when peoples needs are being met within the relationship. Everybody's needs are different. Saying that men JUST require sex alot and women JUST require cuddling is foolish. Part of the problem with relationships is that once established, folks find it difficult to ASK for what they want/need and grow resentful that they are not getting it and then...well...both physical and emotional intimacy break down. Men need more than sammiches and wild sex acts to be happy, whether they want to admit it or not. And We women need a hell of alot more than reassurance that our asses don't look big in our jeans.
FTR??? I find myself attracted physically to my husband at the weirdest moments---usually when we're in sync in other areas: last nite, while visiting a Christmas Lights RailRoad, I was joking with a lady next to me...hubby jumped into the fray, realized he'd said something that was a HUGE double entedre and I pounced on it. We all laughed, he looked at the woman and said, "I knew the minute it was out what she'd say."
I wanted to pounce on him right then and there.
But, er...the chidren, so I didn't.

Net net...every relationship is different. My opinion is that REAL intimacy (physical AND emotional) can only occur when communication is there between both parties.
Link Posted: 12/29/2005 11:53:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:

Originally Posted By diabolical_chicken:
just ask the damn question, man



well alright. I'll add a poll so no one has to actually respond.

ETA: I hope I'm not over-stepping any boundaries or offending anyone here. I'm really just looking for some honest input. This topic was covered in the team forum recently and elicited some response which I presume is less than trustworthy. My wife and I have been discussing this matter and have come to different conclusions, and since I always am interested in and value your opinions, I just thought that getting another, different perspective on it might be refreshing.

There are two arguments, that physical intimacy is a product of (1) emotional & mental needs being met, and/or (2) the basis, instinctual human desires and hormones. Does one lead to the other? Do they both have to coincide and be in agreeance? Can one last healthily without the other? The general consensus is that each situation and relationship is different, and that women desire physical intimacy when (1) exists and is healthy, while with men it is naturally and primarily (2). How much truth lies within this conjecture?



SweetmotherofGod...I gotta give you credit Beetle...you pack a whallop in your questions!

First, I HIGHLY recommend reading "Hot Monogamy." It's chock full of info on this issue.
I don't agree with the first statement. People can and are physically intimate with people they hardly know all the time. I believe there is a difference between Making love and having raw sex. Neither one is better than the other, on a base level, and just because you love someone does NOT mean you can't have the latter. That said, true intimacy is reached (physically ans emotionally) when peoples needs are being met within the relationship. Everybody's needs are different. Saying that men JUST require sex alot and women JUST require cuddling is foolish. Part of the problem with relationships is that once established, folks find it difficult to ASK for what they want/need and grow resentful that they are not getting it and then...well...both physical and emotional intimacy break down. Men need more than sammiches and wild sex acts to be happy, whether they want to admit it or not. And We women need a hell of alot more than reassurance that our asses don't look big in our jeans.
FTR??? I find myself attracted physically to my husband at the weirdest moments---usually when we're in sync in other areas: last nite, while visiting a Christmas Lights RailRoad, I was joking with a lady next to me...hubby jumped into the fray, realized he'd said something that was a HUGE double entedre and I pounced on it. We all laughed, he looked at the woman and said, "I knew the minute it was out what she'd say."
I wanted to pounce on him right then and there.
But, er...the chidren, so I didn't.

Net net...every relationship is different. My opinion is that REAL intimacy (physical AND emotional) can only occur when communication is there between both parties.



This is exactly what my girlfriend said the other night.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 5:03:22 AM EDT
Thank you for the info. I wish you womenz weren't so complicated
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 7:53:58 AM EDT
I just realized that this thread went away from the original question. Regarding sex and intimacy, I reccomend themarriagebed.com/. It is a Christian site, but I think there are a lot of articles there that will help you to better understand the issue from both sides. I found it very helpful. Another good read is "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

Yes, women are complicated, but it's worth a little research to ensure yourself a happy future and a long marriage.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 8:00:35 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/30/2005 8:03:13 AM EDT by BeetleBailey]
She lives!


Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:
Another good read is "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.



Quite possibly one of the top five books I've ever read. And thank you for that link, it is very informative, and being a Believer, moreso than you realize...
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 8:12:48 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:
She lives!


Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:
Another good read is "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.



Quite possibly one of the top five books I've ever read. And thank you for that link, it is very informative, and being a Believer, moreso than you realize...

Did I originally reccomend that one to you? I have tossed it out there a lot because it really made a difference in my own marriage. If you liked it, he also wrote another book called "Loving Solutions" which deals with marital problems including a lack of sexual activity. I haven't read it, but I have heard that it is really good. Maybe you should take a look at it and post a review.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 8:25:43 AM EDT

Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:
She lives!


Originally Posted By cat_aclysm:
Another good read is "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.



Quite possibly one of the top five books I've ever read. And thank you for that link, it is very informative, and being a Believer, moreso than you realize...

Did I originally reccomend that one to you? I have tossed it out there a lot because it really made a difference in my own marriage. If you liked it, he also wrote another book called "Loving Solutions" which deals with marital problems including a lack of sexual activity. I haven't read it, but I have heard that it is really good. Maybe you should take a look at it and post a review.




OHMYGOD!!!!!!
<girly squeal>

I REALLY recommend that book as well: it was given to me by a co-worker. The beauty of that book is that it is written to cover all kinds of relationships, not just sexual ones.
Helps you to read family members and friends better.

Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:54:00 PM EDT
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