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2/23/2017 5:55:53 PM
Posted: 3/21/2012 1:59:44 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2012 5:10:46 PM EST by Frosty451]
edit: got the advice I needed.
Link Posted: 3/21/2012 4:25:26 PM EST
You are in love with your yoga instructor that is engaged and you want to tell her how you feel?

I'm sorry but that does not sound like a good idea. Before I read your team post I was thinking on the word friend. Like her, you, and maybe the fiance were all friends are you hung out together. She teaches you yoga. Yeah, yall may talk and share details about each other's life. But she is engaged. To a man who she has known for a while, they have talked about a future together, been through arguments and miscommunications together.

Do you know how she acts when she gets tired/ angry/ and how she takes it out on stuff if she does? You might have an idea but that guy knows.
Do you know things she likes beside the basic chit chat that goes on at your gym? Do you know her religious beliefs? Prolly not that good. But I bet the other guy does. How much time do you spend with her?
She goes home to her fiance. She eats dinner with him. She relaxes with him. She goes to bed with him and wakes up with him.

Think about all that. You are a guy she teaches at the gym. What would you do if she said no? Of course she would tell her fiance. Then that would prolly make him wonder either A) There is a crazy guy who is just in one of her classes who is creepy in love her (B) Get mad at her and wonder why this guy was close enough to her he thought he could win over his girl by telling her he loved her.


I would really think about what you are about to do.
Link Posted: 3/21/2012 4:34:11 PM EST
[Last Edit: 3/21/2012 4:42:43 PM EST by Frosty451]
Seriously, this is stuff I didn't consider I need to hear from an outside perspective. Not what I wanted to hear, but thanks, keep it coming.

No, I don't know her fiance. If I did it I doubt I ever would have considered telling her.

Also, just to be clear, I do not believe by telling her I would "win her over" because that stuff just doesn't happen to me.
Link Posted: 3/21/2012 5:00:24 PM EST
I agree with SPJ. I don't think its worth ruining a friendship or even your time in her class. You didnt give any background on if you hang out with her outside of class. How close are ya'll? If you haven't met her fiance then I assume you're not that close. I think you are way in over your head and are going to get embarrassed.

She isn't the only girl out there. Keep looking.
Link Posted: 3/21/2012 5:11:25 PM EST
[Last Edit: 3/21/2012 5:50:10 PM EST by Frosty451]
"Way over my head" is an understatement.

"Creepy" is exactly what i want to avoid.

I'm not looking for other women. I wasnt looking when i met her. I just want to be content with my lot in life, whatever it is :-(


Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 3/21/2012 6:33:24 PM EST
[Last Edit: 3/21/2012 6:34:43 PM EST by RevMetric]
I know you didn't ask for guy help, but I'm offering it anyway.

This woman intrigues you. You find her interesting because she has many of the qualities you find desirable. You've developed a friendly and comfortable familiarity with her during your year of yoga. But that's all it is. You can't truly love someone if that's all you've shared. You seem like you're not that comfortable approaching women. That's ok... a lot of us are like that... myself included. You need to recognize these feelings you have for her are one-sided. I think you have a crush on her and that's all it is. Unfortunately, she's taken and you need to move on. If that means taking yoga classes somewhere else, then do it.

Don't "come out" to her in this situation. You'll just embarrass yourself. Just get over it and move on. There are approximately 150 million women in the U.S. Your chances of finding someone else are pretty good.
Link Posted: 3/22/2012 12:14:17 AM EST
Yeah youve convinced to not say anything. Im not afraid of being embarrassed , beeen there before. I dont wanr to be "that creepy guy". Guess ill suck it up and suffer in silence like i always do. :-/

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 3/22/2012 3:08:16 AM EST
Originally Posted By Frosty451:
Yeah youve convinced to not say anything. Im not afraid of being embarrassed , beeen there before. I dont wanr to be "that creepy guy". Guess ill suck it up and suffer in silence like i always do. :-/

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile


There is no reason to suffer. If you think you can't get over her then you need to get a new yoga class.
Link Posted: 3/22/2012 3:27:43 AM EST

Originally Posted By Frosty451:
Yeah youve convinced to not say anything. Im not afraid of being embarrassed , beeen there before. I dont wanr to be "that creepy guy". Guess ill suck it up and suffer in silence like i always do. :-/

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

Get a new yoga class. It isn't fair to you or her. And I don't really know what you would be suffering from. You have a crush on a girl that teaches at the gym.
Link Posted: 3/23/2012 11:47:50 PM EST
Originally Posted By BeautifulStranger:
Originally Posted By Frosty451:
Yeah youve convinced to not say anything. Im not afraid of being embarrassed , beeen there before. I dont wanr to be "that creepy guy". Guess ill suck it up and suffer in silence like i always do. :-/

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile


There is no reason to suffer. If you think you can't get over her then you need to get a new yoga class.


This.

Suffering is a very big word for a crush falling short.
Pick yourself up, and walk away being happy that you met someone who showed you such people are out there. Just stop crushing on ones who are engaged.
Link Posted: 3/24/2012 1:59:59 AM EST
You've built up all this attachment and emotion about a woman you barely know. And you're not 15, you're 40. I'm not saying this to be mean but you need a shrink. Seriously. They can help with your social awkwardness and help you form appropriate attachments. You could end up happy, relaxed with friends and a good woman if you work on this the right way.
Link Posted: 3/24/2012 12:28:47 PM EST
Leave it be. Pining for someone who doesn't pine for you back is fruitless. And if you succeed in stealing her away, you will have broken her fiancee's heart. Find someone else. There are other fish in the sea.
Link Posted: 4/9/2012 8:01:04 AM EST

Originally Posted By TechGal26:
Originally Posted By BeautifulStranger:
Originally Posted By Frosty451:
Yeah youve convinced to not say anything. Im not afraid of being embarrassed , beeen there before. I dont wanr to be "that creepy guy". Guess ill suck it up and suffer in silence like i always do. :-/

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile


There is no reason to suffer. If you think you can't get over her then you need to get a new yoga class.


This.

Suffering is a very big word for a crush falling short.
Pick yourself up, and walk away being happy that you met someone who showed you such people are out there. Just stop crushing on ones who are engaged.

I agree with these posts.

Link Posted: 4/9/2012 8:12:09 AM EST
[Last Edit: 4/9/2012 8:24:05 AM EST by Tao]
Originally Posted By BigeasySnow:
You've built up all this attachment and emotion about a woman you barely know. And you're not 15, you're 40. I'm not saying this to be mean but you need a shrink. Seriously. They can help with your social awkwardness and help you form appropriate attachments. You could end up happy, relaxed with friends and a good woman if you work on this the right way.


Plus, and I'm not sure how this isn't common knowledge for guys, but if your confession of love blindsides a girl, or is really in any way surprising to her, it was inappropriate and unrequited from the get-go.

Telling a girl that you're attracted to her and want to get to know her better outside of the limited environment you've seen each other in so far? Fine and dandy. If she's surprised, be prepared to be turned down.

Telling a girl you love her, despite having only seen one side of her in one environment? Red flags galore, and the beginning of something that never ends well.

Put another way:

If your feelings spring from countless little fantasy encounters in your head, based on limited actual time spent together: NO GO.

If your feelings spring from things she has actually done and said, that explicitly indicate attraction to you: Continue doing whatever made her say and do those things, the rest will take care of itself.
Link Posted: 4/9/2012 10:23:02 AM EST

Originally Posted By Tao:
Originally Posted By BigeasySnow:
You've built up all this attachment and emotion about a woman you barely know. And you're not 15, you're 40. I'm not saying this to be mean but you need a shrink. Seriously. They can help with your social awkwardness and help you form appropriate attachments. You could end up happy, relaxed with friends and a good woman if you work on this the right way.


Plus, and I'm not sure how this isn't common knowledge for guys, but if your confession of love blindsides a girl, or is really in any way surprising to her, it was inappropriate and unrequited from the get-go.

Telling a girl that you're attracted to her and want to get to know her better outside of the limited environment you've seen each other in so far? Fine and dandy. If she's surprised, be prepared to be turned down.

Telling a girl you love her, despite having only seen one side of her in one environment? Red flags galore, and the beginning of something that never ends well.

Put another way:

If your feelings spring from countless little fantasy encounters in your head, based on limited actual time spent together: NO GO.

If your feelings spring from things she has actually done and said, that explicitly indicate attraction to you: Continue doing whatever made her say and do those things, the rest will take care of itself.
This, too.

Link Posted: 4/14/2012 5:47:31 AM EST
Originally Posted By Frosty451:
Yeah youve convinced to not say anything. Im not afraid of being embarrassed , beeen there before. I dont wanr to be "that creepy guy". Guess ill suck it up and suffer in silence like i always do. :-/

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile


You just stated you aren't afraid of being embarrassed and in the same sentence said you are (et al creepy).

First few posts are spot on. You have a crush and don't know what love is. You'd most definitely be "creepy" if you did your thing. There was a time you could have shown interest. Hell I still might. But this crap about "confessing" and "love" and "suffering" is straight weird.
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