To all the men who think it's a hopeless situation and she'll never lose the weight.

Wrong.  It cn be done.

But she has to do it for herself.  Not for you.  She has to want it badly enough for herself.

I've lost 65 pounds in the last year.  I'm 42, and my son is 17.  I was very unhappy in my first marriage, and my 2nd marriage ended unfortunately with the death of my husband.  It took another 8 years to finally start to fix myself.  I'm now at a healthy weight nd BMI, and have been maintaning for 5 months so far.

However, what I have realized is that the weight wasn't the only thing that was making me unhappy.  I'm still working on that.  Funny how even losing all that weight didn't make me as happy as I should be.  She's gotta figure that out for herself.  I'm working on it.

I agree with you in part.  She absolutely needs to want it badly enough for herself.  The problem is that married couples are supposed to be "one".  That means that one's decisions need to take into consideration the needs of both involved partners.  This isn't just her issue, and it isn't just about her.  It's an issue that impacts both her and her husband.  It's time for married people to stop thinking of themselves as if they weren't in a partnership.

And before anyone thinks I'm being judgemental or sitting on a high horse, I'll openly admit that about a year ago I received a bathroom scale as a present from my wife.    Yes, I got the message loud and clear.

By the way, Daisy, congratulations on your success on getting into shape.

in!!!!



tell her in song,  that will soften the blow.

So how bad a husband is the OP if he would NOT address her weight issue?  At 215, her weight is high enough that it most certainly will cause health problems if not addressed.  Is the OP supposed to stand by and ignore a potential health crisis?  No, someone who loves their spouse tries to find a way to help.  The wife even admits to needing help, but then faults her husband for trying.  This is a difficult situation for HIM.  And I'm not saying it's not hard for her too.  It has to be.  But she has to help herself first.

At least he was bluntly up front about it.

Some guys might be so dazzled they promise "I'll always love you forever no matter what".  

He set the terms of his bargain.  Like a contract.




Depending upon the injuries and ensuing disabilities, that can be an extremely tough go.

There are upper body cardio machines for people in that case which might work.  A physical therapist could probably asist with getting you set up with one.

Water aerobics is also fairly efficient without impacting joints so much.

Of course every case is different.

I'm just saying, for me at least, injury doesn't mean give up.  It means reconfigure.




Again, this human life is full of pain.  But truth stand alone on its own merits.  He spoke his truth about himself.  No more and no less.



I know it did.  Seriously.  I have made unspeakable mistakes in my life.

I have learned to take the pain of it head on.


Do not ever give another human being the power to destroy you.  Ever.  Period.




Pardon me for some blunt talk you will hate:

That is just FUBAR.  Quit taking care of people.  




And that self-hatred can be 99% lifted immediately with every sincere hard exertion of every muscle one does.

Not some half hearted "try", but with every step, every push or pull to strengthen the heart and the rest of the body.

Heroic effort is exerted by all sorts of very average looking people every day.  You've done it before, you can do it again.




Where is the excuse for what?  The OP was not talking about divorce.

He is facing his very real physical disgust.

And even if some guy actually truly has thought through "Do I want to remain married to a grossly fat woman?" and has truthfully answered "No.", how is that "stupid"?



Maybe, but it sounds like feeding into drama and excuses if one asks me.




This is good.  Seriously.  Emphasise the long healthy life stuff.





Or just face that they are at different fitness levels.  Tell her that you will help and get out of the way for whatever excercise she likes to do.




One pair of shoes, sweat pants, sweat shirt and out the front door.  30 minutes morning, 30 minutes evening.  That's all it takes.  

But that is what it takes.



"Take care of her"???  How?  She's an adult.

I get sick of all this "everybody take care of everybody" horseshit.




Gosh, do ya think?  

And just who in tarnation has the responsiblity to pry her ass out of a depressed rut if she is?

Clue #1 –– It ain't Oprah.



NO.

No man, no human being, either props me up or brings me down.




He's not talking about divorcing her.

But actually... what's it to you, or to me, or to any of us what he ends up doing?

I don't have a dog in this fight.

Yes, you've provided insight into what a woman in your position feels like.

So have I.  

But I don't say "ditch her" and I don't say "coddle her" either one.

Those are the OP's decisions based upon the OP's situation.

This too. If you can stick it out til you get a little older, you won't want to have sex anyway and then it won't matter that much. Sux, but that's life.

EMBRACE THE PLUMP BROTHA! I welcome you into the fraternal order of chubby chaser post #124.

IBTL

This place has turned into the "No Fun Zone" for sure.

babies do not cause a woman to permanently gain weight...
baby weight? sure, i will buy that.
3-5 years after the kid was born? thats just being a lazy slob.

loosing weight is easy. calories in < calories expended.
very few people have conditions preventing them from loosing weight.
there is a reason that 66%+ of americans are overweight or obese.
excuses excuses excuses.
stop making them.
stop posting and go for a walk, run, bike, swim, play with the dog or kids, hell anything!

i bet thats not the response johnny expected!

the issue of a overweight spouse is not just lust related.
it comes down to respect.
does your wife know you wish to remain physically AND emotionally attracted to her?
mine does.
if she gives up on how she looks, be it dressing, hygene, and fitness. i take that as a big slap in the face, as it is telling me she no longer gives a damn about how i feel about her and things that are VERY important to me.
i get your point though. some people putt less emphasis on physical appearance, while others make that paramount.

it is all about respect and honoring one another.

Rub some dirt on it.

I would never date or marry a man who wouldn't love me if I were overweight (not directed at you, OP, you're a good man). That said, I do my best to keep my weight at a healthy level BECAUSE mine is a good man and loves me no matter what. Love for him motivates me. Bullying, manipulation, and pushing do not.

I started to gain weight, and hit my heaviest a year ago. In the last 4.5 months I have lost 25 lbs AND gained muscle. I look better now than I did when we started dating - and I'm in the same pant size I was then, too. I feel great, and he can't keep his paws off me. But NEVER when I was having a hard time did he punish me for it. I take care of him, and he loves me for it. No. Matter. What.