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Posted: 2/16/2002 10:52:42 AM EDT
How To Wash A Cat 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water. 3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything he can find. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself. [img]http://www.dimensional.com/~mwluse/wet_cat.jpg[/img]
Link Posted: 2/16/2002 10:55:34 AM EDT
Link Posted: 2/16/2002 11:03:20 AM EDT
Yes I can smell it now, it is either a Master or a Hillman no, no maybe an S&G. None the less I do smell a lock.
Link Posted: 2/16/2002 11:08:30 AM EDT
LOL, on the floor! Seriously funny. Oops, here comes my wife with her cat! Gotta go!
Link Posted: 2/16/2002 11:35:23 AM EDT
"Squeaky!!" ROFLMAO!!
Link Posted: 2/16/2002 1:03:42 PM EDT
That is awesome, makes me want to find that old email "How to give a cat a pill"
Link Posted: 2/16/2002 1:07:22 PM EDT
Ahh, found it How to give a cat a pill, how to give a dog a pill Cat 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply adhesive bandage to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Call fire department to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap. 13) Tie the little darling's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. Dog How to Give A Dog A Pill ... 1) Wrap it in bacon.
Link Posted: 2/17/2002 5:03:52 AM EDT
That cat looks miserable. When I was growing up we had a dog and a cat. My favorite thing was sicking the dog on the cat, man how they used to FLY through the house. I think I got put on restriction once for doing this because they ended up crashing into a coffee table and breaking stuff.
Link Posted: 2/17/2002 7:39:16 AM EDT
poor kitty
Link Posted: 2/17/2002 7:42:09 AM EDT
A shower stall and a milk crate work great! Sherm
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