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Posted: 1/25/2002 12:51:26 PM EDT
I've read similar threads here before and thought to myself:( Man that must suck. Glad I have a good marriage. ) Holy suprise I dont. My wife left me for good today. Needless to say, I'm not taking it well. Without getting into specifics, it happened so fast my head is spinning. I really thought I was doing it right. In fact, in my next relationship, I will do the same things, only better. Ungrateful bitch. I feel like crap you guys.Just needed a shoulder, thanks you guys. I think I'll get drunk and cry. Billy
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 12:55:54 PM EDT
Originally Posted By captainpooby: I think I'll get drunk and cry.
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No need to ruin your health. Now is the time to keep yourself in good health, good shape, and good emotional status. Whether or not a woman will ever admit it, it kills them to see you doing well without them. On the flip side, when you don't want it...a broken relationship sucks. Keep your head up...there are plenty of women out there looking for a guy to treat them right. Many fishes in the sea my friend!
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:05:18 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:06:26 PM EDT
Keep your head up. Though it may look bad now, things will get better. BTDT. Booze is not a good escape. I'd rather spend time at the range shooting small groups than talking to "RAAAALPH" on the porcelain telephone.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:10:40 PM EDT
Screw her man, if she left you it is her loss. You are better off without her.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:13:51 PM EDT
i'm not saying you will do it, but don't drink - some of us do really stupid things when we are drunk if you can, join a health club - when i went through a similar issue, i joined and lost 30lbs of fat and gained 20lbs of muscle in one year. keep your head up. i hope you have some family with you; sometimes they can help. god bless
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:18:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/25/2002 1:20:59 PM EDT by Glockster35]
Sorry to hear about your mis-fortune. Marriages are difficult at times. Is there any possibility of getting back together? I too went through a divorce several years ago. It was the hardest thing I ever had to face, and I did it all alone and by myself, not an easy task, but I had no one to talk to and no one to help me through it. Mine was sudden like yours appears to have been. I had no time to prepare for what was coming. She had it all planned out though. She left one all our bills were paid off with my money. I re-married soon after the divorce was complete. And to tell you the truth, it's much better the second time. I am pretty sure this one will last forever. But I recall saying that with the last one too. But I can guarantee you this, if this one doesn't work out for me, then I will NOT do it again. It's just too damn difficult to keep them happy. Speaking from experience just keep your head up high, and if you need professional help to get you through it, then by all means make it happen. Your life is not worth wasting over a woman who no longer desires you! I'm not saying you are crazy, but I sure thought I was! July 8th will be 5 years in the second marriage for me, the first was only 3 years! It is possible to move on. I just noticed eveyone else saying not to drink alcohol, and I would have to agree, through it all, I made myself a promise, not to drink until the divorce was final. That way I didn't do stupid things to get myself in trouble. Good luck to you!
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:19:28 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Aimless: Shut down any joint credit cards, open loans on the house etc., joint bank accounts. Nothing wrong with knocking back a few over this, but get on with it. If you let her ruin your life for too long you let her win and make her feel that she must be pretty good if you are that wracked up over it. At least now you know she's not trustworthy and you won't waste any more time on her. Living well is the best revenge. Or actually a younger hottie Tae Bo instructor is better revenge. Doesn't matter that they left, the leaver is always jealous if you get on with your life with someone else.
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Great advice. I'd take the first part very seriously. Words don't help a whole lot this close to the problem, but realize time is your friend, it will heal you. Sometimes it wont seem like it's moving fast enough, but the clock never stops ticking. My aditional suggestion is to keep yourself busy. Go ahead and throw a few back tonight. Starting tomorrow though, sit down, I mean actually sit down somewhere and make plans to stay busy. Make a list. Write it out and just do it. There is no torment like a mind running through the past with broken hopes for the future with the person who you thought was "the one". I have had similar experiences and for me, working out and exercise, combined with an active effort to spend time with friends and family made a LOT of difference. Before you know it, minutes and hours have turned to weeks and months. You'll feel better. It's life. Sometimes it's great and we can just coast, sometimes it sucks and we have to get serious about controling ourselves and taking care of ourselves. It isn't easy, but it's within you to do. Sorry for your shitty news. I really am, but down the road, I swear, you'll look back with no regrets.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:24:08 PM EDT
CYA financially, get a lawyer, and then get plastered - ONCE. You didn't mention if there are children involved, and I hope not. BTDT too, the first one lasted 3 yrs. the second is 19 and counting. Living well is TRULY the best revenge.. My Email is on my profile. Don't hesitate to use it.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:28:30 PM EDT
Please accept my condolences. Been there, done that. Divorce really sucks, but you WILL get over it. I've found that being 43, employeed, in good health, owning a house, and being single are pretty good.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:38:28 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:38:31 PM EDT
Keep your head up. Follow the advice in the previous posts regarding getting drunk and also about severing all financial ties. Sever all of the ties immediately. To do this you may need to cancel some credit cards, call the issuing bank and briefly explain the situation stressing the suddenness of the separation. Ask the bank to issue you a new card while requesting that they issue a stolen tag on the old acct numbers. The store where she will next use the card will be instructed to cut up the card. Also protect your other assets and equity. Cancel any other open lines of credit or have her removed if possible. Do not allow her back in your house without some sort of chaperone or escort. Move your toys out when she is going to be in the house. Get a hold of me if you need a shoulder, any other advice, or other ways to protect yourself. Use my email, I'll be here. Matt
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:53:08 PM EDT
You [b]will[/b] survive! It's a terrible time, hang in there, I'm sure our little AR familly will be here for you!
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 1:54:33 PM EDT
Do your best to keep your head up bro! I am sorry that this is happening to you, and I wish things could be different. Whatever happens, remember that you have one heck of a family here. Tyler
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 2:02:55 PM EDT
[red]get an attorney- NOW! the laws are not in your favor.[/red] that said-, after my marriage flickered out for the last time, i first had to decide to survive. i was completely devastated. i had tried so hard for so long. i always thought we'd overcome. i made the right decision, sounds like you have too. with hind sight- it's never as dire as it seemed at the time. then i drank for about 6 mos. i feel i needed to. it's okay to grieve. just don't lose control and hurt yourself. or anyone else for that matter. after about a year i began to recover. to feel like myself again. i really learned who my friends are. you'll be suprised by whom you'll be able to rely on... and perhaps who you can't. i bet you'll find, like i did, that you know some really neat people who really care about you. take advantage of it. that's what they are for. the climax of my recovery was my day in court. i came out of the courthouse and i swear the air was fresher and the sun was brighter! right now, it may seem unlikely at times, but you will get over it too. like you, i vowed to do better next time. however, i'm not in a big hurry to. i got to make myself a priority again. do not be afraid to get therapy. it is NOT a sign of weakness. if you don't believe me watch the soprano's for cripes sake. it did a world of good for me. good luck, especially if you have kids. lots of guys going through the same thing. it's my 80 yr old grandmother's theroy that all women under 50 are crazy... hormones in the meat supply, or something... i hope not!
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 2:11:05 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/25/2002 2:12:10 PM EDT by M4Madness]
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 2:20:54 PM EDT
You did the right thing started talking instead of holding it in. I would stay away from Booz There is a saying "One is to many and a Thousand never enough" also take it One Day at a Time. Take the advice of these people. CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNTS: Joint Bank, credit. If she took care of bills make sure they were being paid last couple of months. Get a Lawyer stay around good friends and family. Use my E-mail address if you need. Hang in there God closes one door and opens another one better for you.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 2:25:19 PM EDT
No time for you to be drinking! Seriously, (1.) Secure your Bank Account, Credit Cards, etc. (2.) Change the Locks. (3.) Call a Lawyer. AND see if there is a way for you to get back together. If not..proceed with the Divorce. (4.) After having completed steps 1 - 3, have some drinks. If at a Bar..go to the bar and come home in a Taxi. Do this ONCE. (5.) Join a Gym and start Pumping Iron and running on the Tread Mill (6.) Go shopping for a new wife..check out the churches..a lot of them have a lot of good Singles groups with a lot of good single women. Especially Asian Women...and Filipinas..they make good wives. (7.) While Step (6.) is ongoing..and the Divorce is proceeding...do something to reward yourself..like redecorating/remodeling the house. This will help to erase the memories. Or buy yourself that rifle or handgun that you've always been wanting but haven't because of the wife. But whatever reward you give yourself, make sure that you can afford it.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 2:26:31 PM EDT
...on the bright side, when my wife left, I could finally buy my first machine gun!!! Seriously.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 2:31:44 PM EDT
i just wanted to add, that what these guys are saying about you not being alone here is true. although no one knew it, this site was a LOT of company during a couple of lonely years. see, i told you you'd be surprised![;)]
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 2:35:28 PM EDT
Man that must suck, glad I have a good marriage. TURN HER NOW EMPTY CLOSET IN TO A FIRST RATE, CUSTOM DESIGNED, BUILT-IN GUN VAULT!!!!
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 2:44:10 PM EDT
99% of all women are just plain crazy. Either their father already messed them up in the head or a past boyfriend did. Not all mind you, but alot of them. My wife said to me last night was she's going back home. I didn't know if she would be here today when I got home. She was and I'm glad she didn't go but I am so tired of the bullshit. You may be better off where you are now. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Keep things simple and you'll be fine. You'll be looking back at this moment in awhile and not understand why things seemed so bad right now. Good luck my man.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 2:46:37 PM EDT
I wish I could type better to tell you my story, but it is also kind of private. Not trying to be the macho male and saying its all her fault, but honestly, I tried my hardest. Who would have ever thought, that a bunch of gun nuts could be so sensitive. Thank you for your support and advice, it is greatly appreciated. To answer some questions; there are no children, the assets are minimal, maybe acouple grand cash. I WILL get the house. I think I will close the joint accounts, and cut the cards tho. Its Friday nite, I think I'm entitled to get drunk. Thank you again for your support, Billy
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 2:51:09 PM EDT
You "just needed a shoulder". Well you certainly got that and more. There is a lot of experience evident in this thread and a lot of very good advice. The best thing you can do right now is to follow that advice – and never look back. Best of luck Capt.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 2:55:52 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/25/2002 2:57:16 PM EDT by raven]
Hey, the best guy I know had his wife leave him in a big way: suicide. He felt horrible that he couldn't make her happy. Really, he should have thought of it that she couldn't be happy despite him. That's really the way it was. I'm sure that's the way it is with you.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 3:01:07 PM EDT
ALLWAYS cover your ass! move your valuables to a secure location (parents, siblings, rental storage,...) stop any direct deposits, cancle all lines of credit, video tape the house and all furnishings, call a lawyer today! B&E can't be charged if you co-hab. have a friend/relatitive stay with you. DO NOT ENTER AN ALTERCATION WITH HER! VERBAL OR OTHERWISE. remember domestic violence can strip you of your firearms forever. "i'm never going to marry again, i'll just find some bitch to hate every 3-4 years and buy her a house".
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 3:35:02 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 3:38:44 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 3:57:38 PM EDT
Sorry to see this happen to anyone. Hurts like hell. A friend of mine told me this is now a business relationship. Don't let the emotions get in the way (easier said than done.) get this book "Getting divorced without ruining your life". Divorce can kill your finacial health. Exercise and find something positive to focus on. We all know that women are attracted to confident physically and financially healthy guys. Take care of business. I had a wife then I got a life, now I have a partner for a wife for the rest of my life. "Drinking is the cause and cure for all of life's problems." Homer Simpson.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 4:00:41 PM EDT
Goto the nudie bar and get yourself a few lap dances, it'll make you feel better.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 4:20:23 PM EDT
So much good advice here already. Don't get yourself into any domestic violence crap! (That was slick willies doing's.) Get drunk once,cry,get over it. When she sees/hears you looking good with much better looking women hanging on you,she will want you to take her back-tell her you are to busy. Hang tough-things are going to get much better for you-better than you ever expected!
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 4:31:25 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 4:39:06 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 4:56:41 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 4:58:11 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 5:02:39 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 5:17:34 PM EDT
I'm really sorry to hear this Billy, please accept my condolensces and best wishes. I've never been married and honestly can't give you any (useful) advice but a lot of these guys seem like they've been through it and know what they're talking about. Learn from THEIR mistakes and seriously consider what they've said. We're all rootin' for ya!
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 5:19:16 PM EDT
My favorite uncle went through this a few years back. Life sucks right now, but you'll get over it. Hang in there Billy, we're there for you! coyote3
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 5:48:04 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 6:52:27 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 7:31:30 PM EDT
Originally Posted By captainpooby: I've read similar threads here before and thought to myself:( Man that must suck. Glad I have a good marriage. ) Holy suprise I dont. My wife left me for good today. Needless to say, I'm not taking it well. Without getting into specifics, it happened so fast my head is spinning. I really thought I was doing it right. In fact, in my next relationship, I will do the same things, only better. Ungrateful bitch. I feel like crap you guys.Just needed a shoulder, thanks you guys. I think I'll get drunk and cry. Billy
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Well all I can say is been there done that.....welcome to the club and DON'T let it get you down! Beleave it or not life goes on!
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 8:07:00 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 8:25:52 PM EDT
I feel your pain!! I am drunk and depressed as I type......my marriage went to shi!t last year and I have been separated for 2 months now......the nag is now gone but I am still lonely......divorce sucks for everyone, but I am lifting weights and getting my body back in shape (it REALLY pisses the ex off to be in good shape). It goes down hill for a year I think, it is a rough adjustment being lonely and poor....since I have left I have had a few one-night stands but time is the only thing that will heal.....sometimes divorce is for the best....it is rough though just keep yourself busy,join a few clubs that keep your mind off things and get the best lawyer you can afford. Good luck my friend. Go Hokies!
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 8:33:12 PM EDT
I feel your pain!! I am drunk and depressed as I type......my marriage went to shi!t last year and I have been separated for 2 months now......the nag is now gone but I am still lonely......divorce sucks for everyone, but I am lifting weights and getting my body back in shape (it REALLY pisses the ex off to be in good shape). It goes down hill for a year I think, it is a rough adjustment being lonely and poor....since I have left I have had a few one-night stands but time is the only thing that will heal.....sometimes divorce is for the best....it is rough though just keep yourself busy,join a few clubs that keep your mind off things and get the best lawyer you can afford. Good luck my friend. Go Hokies!
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 8:51:24 PM EDT
I'm very sorry to hear the news, but try to cheer up. You have alot of friends here to comfort you. Unfortunately, many have gone through this and survived. So can you. It may seem unrealistic, but changing the locks and getting a lawyer is a must. You have to protect yourself.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 9:01:50 PM EDT
Originally Posted By VTHOKIESHOOTER: I feel your pain!! I am drunk and depressed as I type...... but I am lifting weights and getting my body back in shape (it REALLY pisses the ex off to be in good shape). Go Hokies!
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Excellent dude !! You're well on your way to success. If a "hard-body" pisses off the ex just wait until you see what happens when you begin to live "HAPPY !" Will drive her insane. (Exercise is also good for your depression. However, this is an area where I will not joke. Get some professional well 'BEFORE" you need it. It is the smart thing to do. Please, before you need it. You do preventative maintenance on your car and guns but too many of us will not do the same for our bodies and minds.) Now, I ain't cheering for no castrated turkey's ! [:D]
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 9:23:09 PM EDT
Originally Posted By captainpooby: Ungrateful bitch. I think I'll get drunk and cry. Billy
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Nothing wrong with a couple of drinks and a good, solid 'cry.' Stay at home. Don't call the ex.(See "Ungrateful bitch") Punish a good friend by calling him/her and making them listen to your story. That's what friends are for. To be punished in time of need. By the way, on the crying deal - if you can't do better than just a couple of drippers why bother ? Get down with it - let it all out. Now "captainpooby" I'm gonna tell you straight -the name got to go. No way a man of your caliber can hang with this "pooby" name. Maybe Captain Midnight - hell maybe General Midnight, whatever. Start a new name contest. If worst comes to worst you've always got this rotten bunch on your side. (And we're all armed - well we're all probably actually multi-armed but you know what I mean.)
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 9:56:55 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/25/2002 9:59:20 PM EDT by Duffy]
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 10:20:54 PM EDT
Billy I've been there my friend, I think that all of us have to some extent. I was wrecked, but GOT over it and so shall you, maybe not today or even next month but the key word is someday. Look to your friends for support. That's where I found most of my solice. I don't want to waste any more of your time with mushy crap but here are some words of advice that I remember most from my darker days: 1. Force yourself to be alone, its nice to know that you can be alone and not feel lonely. Remember we are born alone and will die alone. 2. Tomorrow will hurt less than today and the next day will hurt less than tomorrow. 3. Don't look BACK, keep truckin my friend and don't stop till you're running on empty!! Calling her in the middle of the night, during a weak moment will accomplish nothing except to prolong your suffering. There are only so many crisp sunny windlless range days left in your life, don't wast them trying to hold on to yesterday. 4. And lastly... Shes someone elses problem now.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 10:44:27 PM EDT
VERY sorry to hear that. 3 things. #1. Good Advice here listen to it. #2. Lean on your friends, that's what they're there for. #3. If you need to talk, I guarantee somebody on this board will listen. Hang in there!
Link Posted: 1/26/2002 5:09:42 AM EDT
I do not know if this is true but I have been told that if this happens you should go and have consulting meetings with as many of the best divorce lawyers as possible because they then cannot be hired by your wife due to a conflict of interest. Anyone know if this is true? If so you could save your a$$. BrenLover
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