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Posted: 1/25/2002 5:31:55 AM EDT
Words Women Use  (And What They Mean) FINE This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a  woman looks. This will cause you to have one of  those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so  I feel that it's an even trade. NOTHING This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you  inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) This means "I give up" or  "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal  statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time  standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your  best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be  in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer.  A woman is giving you  the chance to come up with whatever excuse or  reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the  truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a  "That's Okay". THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.  THANKS A LOT This is much different than "Thanks".  A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after  the "Loud Sigh", as she  will only tell you "Nothing"
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 6:37:50 AM EDT
Just to add to this...heard a short news story on the radio today about a study that had just been completed. The researchers found, among other things, that on average, women speak 7,000 words per day while men speak 2,000 words per day.
Link Posted: 1/25/2002 7:00:56 AM EDT
YES A woman says yes when she means maybe, maybe if you do and say everything perfectly it'll be a simple "YES". But the odds of getting that right are minimal as only the woman knows the rules for pleasing her and she's not talking (for a change). "YES" will typically be qualified by adding "GO AHEAD", "THAT'S OK" or "PLEASE DO" thus negating any chance you have of enjoying yourself knowing that soon she'll spend "FIVE MINUTES" telling you "NOTHING."
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