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Posted: 1/24/2002 4:19:51 AM EDT
Wow, this is going to be a long story. Yesterday my wife told me that she's leaving me. She told me that she's been having an affair with one of the guys at the homeless shelter where she volunteers and that she's going to live with him just as soon as he moves into a bigger box. She even told me that my son really isn't mine after all. I had suspected this for quite some time, because we're both caucasian and our son is an African American. We also didn't have sex for two years when she got pregnant. She told me that sometimes it takes that long to fertilize an egg. The doctor backed her up, but I think that she was sleeping with him too! Anyway, when she told me that she was leaving I decided that I was going to use the money I'd been saving for my heart valve opperation to get an AR-15. After all I've always wanted one and my son seems interesting in the shooting sports since he started listening to rap music. In fact, he said that an AR would be nice to "bust caps in people's asses" if they disrespected him. I took this as a good sign that he is developing a healthy self-esteem, so I cashed in my savings account and headed out to the gun shop. The owner was really helpful. After talking with him I discovered that his S.E.A.L., Delta Force, Ranger, Special Forces, Para Rescue and French Commando School training meant that he really knows his AR's! He's also a member of the local volunteer fire department. He's a real American hero. I saw that he had an AR-15 in the racks, so I asked him to see it. To my surprise it was a Hesse Arms. Since I had only heard of Colt, Bushmaster and Armalite I asked him about it. He told me that it was a rare "custom" model that was extremely collectable because of the desirable Hesse markings. It seems that Hesse has a special contract with the C.I.A. Anyway I didn't have the $1,700 that he was asking for it. He told me that he had an even better used one in the back room. When he brought it out I saw that it was an Olympic Arms. I hadn't heard of them either. But when I picked it up I knew that I was going to like it. It had a German Shepherd on the left side of the lower receiver. My boy and I have a German Shepherd, so that gun was as good as sold. He was going on about its special features (the magazine well that's specially machined to be undersized so that you don't loose your mags in combat, the SWAT pistol grip, the break-free cast front sight post that won't get you caught in the bush) when I said "I'll take it." My boy smiled. I only paid $1,200 for it. It's a P.C.R. which the gun shop owner told me stood for "Premier Combat Rifle." Cool. Did I get a good deal? Oh yeah, he also swapped out the cheap aluminum USGI mags that came with it. He told me that the goverment buys crap for mags, so he traded me even-up for some real USA made steel mags that will last forever. Cool huh?
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 4:31:00 AM EDT
Well, we put the new AR in the trunk of my Pinto and headed to the range. I guess I should have purchased a case for it. I also ahd a case of Special Forces Wolf ammo. They guy at the gun store told me that Wolf is what he used in the Delta Force, because it's made to sound exactly like AK-47 fire. It's made in Russian and he was a black ops operator right? I didn't see the red light because the sun was in my eyes and I accidentaly ran through it. When the cops pulled me over the first thing they noticed was my rifle! I thought that they were going to be cool, because they took out their guns to show them to me. Shoots generally show other shooters their guns right? I should have known that my yellow and primer grey Pinto would attract attention. After all, it's a collector's item. They cops weren't friendly at all. In fact they were edgy. It was hard to tell them my side of the story laying face down on the road with a boot on my neck, but I finally convinced them that I meant them no harm. Just then my son had a Terret's Syndrom siezure. When he gets nervous it throws him into a fit. He said something like "I outta bust a cap in your a$$ you stupid M Fers!" And thenwe found outselves in jail. As soon as I go to court and get my AR back I'll do a range report like other guys on this board! So, did I get a good deal?
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 4:35:12 AM EDT
SpearWeasel???
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 4:35:46 AM EDT
She told me that she's been having an affair with one of the guys at the homeless shelter where she volunteers and that she's going to live with him just as soon as he moves into a bigger box. She even told me that my son really isn't mine after all.
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Look, I'm ready to take care of her needs, bigger box or no. Hell, I even sold my local dealer my used Premier Combat Rifle to raise some cash...got $50 bucks for it. Did you ever do that for her? [:D]
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 4:39:12 AM EDT
sqibload, I haven't touched her for a while on account of her leprosy. Special_Oly
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 4:47:22 AM EDT
This IS just a twisted joke... right?
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 4:58:17 AM EDT
I haven't touched her for a while on account of her leprosy.
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I have to admit, the leprosy was something of a hindrance to our relationship getting off the ground. But, when I heard how she handled her life-long bout with explosive diarrhea, with such composure, I just had to have her.[puke] PS All of this love talk aside, do you think I get a good deal on my Premium Combative Reciprocator (PCR)? [?]
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 5:10:47 AM EDT
McUzi?
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 5:30:28 AM EDT
Even though this is the biggest pile I've ever seen, it's about the way I feel about my life today so it's amusing....in a strange sense
Link Posted: 1/24/2002 7:15:53 AM EDT
I had a similar experience with a woman. At least she SAID she was a woman at the time... 'she' also liked Lorcins and Jennings semi-autos.
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