Forgive me if this has been already posted..it's just funnay as hell.



NO WHERE BUT TEXAS


A Texas State Trooper pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.

"Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled the woman in the passenger seat. "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat, who took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said (in Spanish), "Are we over the border yet?"

You Texans...
[b][blue]NAKED[/blue][/b] and laughing.

A Bears fan, A Vikings fan and a Packers fan are driving in a car when
one of them noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the
road.

They stopped and discovered a nude female passed out drunk.
Out of respect and propriety, the Bears fan took off his cap and placed
it over her left breast. The Vikings fan took off his cap and placed it
over her right breast. Following their lead, the Packers fan took off his
cap
and placed it over her crotch.

The Police were called and when the officer arrived at the scene he
conducted his investigation. First he lifted up the Bears cap, replaced
it and wrote down some notes. Then he lifted up the Vikings cap, replaced
it and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted up the packers
cap,
replaced it, then lifted it up again, replaced it, then lifted it up third
time and replaced it one last time.

The Packer fan was getting upset and asked, "What are you, a pervert or
something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking and
lifting and looking? What's up with that?"

"Well," said the officer, "I am surprised. Normally when I look under a
Packers cap, I find an asshole."

That was funny...here's another "Southern" humor break.

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided
that was enough, since they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his doctor/veterinarian and told
him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any
more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a
vasectomy that could fix the problem but it was
expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor,
was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in
Alabama), light it, put it in an empty beercan, then
hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor,
"I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't
see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to
my ear is going to help me."
So he wanted a second opinion, and he visited a doctor in
Georgia. That doctor began to speak of a vasectomy, but
seeing his patient was from Alabama, he told him to go
home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in an empty beer
can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
Since the second doctor told him to do exactly the same
thing as the first doctor, the Alabamian figured the
procedure MUST work.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a
beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5,"
at which point he paused, placed the beer can between
his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand...
This procedure also works in Tennessee,
Mississippi, Kentucky,West Virginia, and Arkansas.

Oh yeah..
[b][blue]NAKED[/blue][/b]

[size=6]YES!!![/size=6]
[img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/SPECTRE%2Fbutkus1a%2Ejpg[/img]

More Texas humor...

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy, "What is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, "Boy, these feel just like your sister's."

Then you try to hold on for 8 seconds.

You would better impress the retired FL grannies at the local clubs with these jokes if you would shave the mammoth hair around your neckline [:)>] and manage to button your shirt up farther than the third button.

[:D]

A new twist at the end...

Why does a dog lick his balls?
Because he can.

Two aggies are walking down the street and they see a dog licking his balls.  One aggie turns to the other and say, "boy, I wish I could do that!".  The other aggie responds, "Boy, I sure wish I could too, but I'm afraid he'd bite me!"