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Posted: 1/6/2002 7:15:29 AM EDT
Atheist and the Bear An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear, right on top of him: reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and, even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," the voice said. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped its right paw ........brought both paws together ..... bowed its head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:11:24 AM EDT
A smart atheist would have simply pulled out his big-bore revolver and emptied it at the bear, not wasting time nor breath on prayers. After all, even if he were wrong and there were a God, that God never seemed to deliver Christians in the arena from bears and lions and etc...during the Roman Persecution...
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:17:20 AM EDT
LMAO!! Lets see if SOME people can refrain from turning a good joke into an atheist/believer flame war.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:24:49 AM EDT
Let the avalanche of religious pomposity and indignant superiority begin!
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:31:00 AM EDT
I guess that was asking to much.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:33:58 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:49:07 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Phoenix5: LMAO!! Lets see if SOME people can refrain from turning a good joke into an atheist/believer flame war.
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Oh, I would never turn a GOOD joke into that...
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 2:48:03 PM EDT
Nothing turns an atheist into a believer faster than the prospect of approaching death.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 3:06:09 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Redmanfms: Nothing turns an atheist into a believer faster than the prospect of approaching death.
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Really? Didn't do it to Carl Sagan or Voltaire. Matter of fact, I have never heard of a case of a real, hard-core atheist turning believer because of impending death. Usually the people who convert on their deathbed are those that were not atheistic, simply irreligious.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 3:10:37 PM EDT
Originally Posted By RikWriter: Really? Didn't do it to Carl Sagan or Voltaire. Matter of fact, I have never heard of a case of a real, hard-core atheist turning believer because of impending death. Usually the people who convert on their deathbed are those that were not atheistic, simply irreligious.
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How do you know what they were [i]thinking[/i] right before they died?
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 3:15:22 PM EDT
Oh dear God, it was a joke! Wasn't there a new forum created so the infidels and true believers could hash this stuff out?
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 3:16:56 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Gunbert: Oh dear God, it was a joke! Wasn't there a new forum created so the infidels and true believers could hash this stuff out?
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You said God in your post!!! Religious nut, preacher, evil Christian!!!!!
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 3:31:37 PM EDT
RikWriter , According to the accounts I have read, the nurses who tended Voltaire said his death scared them. He screamed and yelled out in anquish and asked God to stop the torture. Funny how his house was used to publish Bibles in not too long after HIs death. _Chuck BY THE WAY IT WAS A GREAT CLEAN GOOD JOKE!!!!!!
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 3:41:35 PM EDT
LOL!! Thanks Paco, I stole it and e-mailed to a few friends......
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 5:16:47 PM EDT
Originally Posted By CHUCK6419: RikWriter , According to the accounts I have read, the nurses who tended Voltaire said his death scared them. He screamed and yelled out in anquish and asked God to stop the torture. Funny how his house was used to publish Bibles in not too long after HIs death. _
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First off, that story has been exposed as one of MANY lies told by various purveyors of religion through the years, not only about Voltaire, but about such other luminaries as Charles Darwin and Thomas Paine. Voltaire's last words, written down were "I will die in peace." The stories about his supposed deathbed conversion were spread by Catholic propogandists. Second, Voltaire died in 1778...his house was used as a Bible warehouse in 1890. That hardly indicates ANYTHING about his wishes in the matter.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 5:18:49 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Gunbert: Oh dear God, it was a joke!
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Well, the joke (which was lame to begin with) was ALREADY posted on this very board just a few months ago.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 5:48:26 PM EDT
A guy goes bear hunting with a brand-new rifle. He comes upon a monster grizzly, draws a bead and pulls the trigger. When the gun comes down out of recoil - no bear! He feels a tap on his shoulder, and when he turns around the bear is standing there. "Mister," the bear says, "that wasn't very nice. You have two choices: either I maul you for about an hour, or you submit to some really rough sex." The guy thinks about it for a minute, and then drops his pants. After a month or two of recovery, the guy goes out and buys a .300 Win-Mag semi-auto. Then he returns to the same woods seeking revenge. He stalks the bear, puts the crosshairs on the shoulder, and BANG! BANG! BANG! Once again - no bear. Once again, the tap on the shoulder. "Mister, you don't learn, do you? Same choices as last time." After a bit longer recovery period, the guy goes out and buys a .577 Nitro double rifle, and back to the woods he goes. Once again he finds the bear, and stalks in close. Putting the bead on the bear, he pulls both triggers in triumph. But as he's picking himself up off the ground, he feels a familiar tap on the shoulder. "Mister, you aren't coming here for the hunting, are you?"
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