thanks for the poon licking lips (letters of alphabit)

i don't have my own car
i don't have my own place
(i suck, i know)

i am not asking my sis, that's gross (i know your kidding)

i'll remember about foreplay

nothing is wrong with my truck (that's kind of the idea i had in mind)

the "massage" was like $80-100. i don't need it with a dirty chick that bad.

i don't seem to have any trouble making them laugh, i'm good at making them laugh

that's for the touching hair advice i'll remem that for sure. what if they touch your hair and something like "i like your hair"????

i'll remem the "abc" rules

the 10 camel advice is interesting, if i had soem camel i'd think about it, but i don't. (i'm not going to go to the hueg trouble of getting camels just for this. though maybe i can see soem "camel toe" hehe)

i've heard the wacking off advice form alot of people. i guess it takes away the urgency when you go out. allows brain #1 to stay in control of brain #2.


OffRoad

The biggest obstacle in your path to getting laid, is the fact that you discuss your problem, online, with a bunch of middle aged gun-nuts.

Also, you're a Canadian.

...and gay.

check it out,
if you and a big ugly fat chick(300# or more)
laid down in the middle of stewart avenue in atlanta,butt ass nekkid,the fat chick would get laid before you would.
why because your a pimply ass teenager who's time has not come yet.
be patient
don't marry your first peice of a@@ though
cixi

Doesn't Canada have some sort of a program for Trim-Challenged citizens...?

I know I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I thought he was talking about women.  

Sorry OffRoad, but I don't know anything about being gay.  I usually see wanted ads in some of the public restrooms though.  You should try there.  

Theres nothing wrong with what you are, BTW.  So Don't let these guys jerk you around.

Hop on an international flight to Franfurt, Germany. Approach the nearest Cab driver after having acquired 800 Deutschmarks. Do not go to the Red Light - to dirty and a rip-off. Request "The Atlantis" - a nice gentleman's club if you will where at least 70 girls work a night. The finest mixture of hot females from around the world complete with swimming pools, jacuzzis,etc... Completely legal - feels like you're in some Ancient Greek paradise with hot babes from around the world....... 100 DM entrance fee, 100 DM per half hour......you met even meet the female there who looks like a young, hot Britney Spears...........I wouldn't know of course - its not like I've been there [:D]

Oh.........you said no prostitutes.....nevermind......I guess technically that is their profession......Legal overseas of course.  

With a truck, at least you're in the running.
However, to get laid easily, you REALLY need a Porsche:
http://[url]http://dailynews.yahoo.com/htx/nm/20011217/od/sex_dc_2.html[/url]

Well, if you are not going to take our advice. . . . [:D]

i'm not gay.

some chicks think trucks are cool, plus i've got an 8 foot bed right in back.
i also heard you can get a queen size matress in the back of the 80's suburban's if you take the seat's out (except driver and passenger seat). maybe i should get a suburban...

dude, i got to go to germany!

i've been a gentleman and never made a move. it didn't work. maybe i'll try being a gman AND making a move. what do you think?

edited 'cus NEWBIE = NOT FUNNY

Here's your problem.
Don't spend so much time, online, discussing masturbation with strangers.

Also, take your time.
Look at your posts.  They're all mis-spelled, with poor grammer, and no capitalization.
I know you're Canadian, but this has to change.
Patience is the key.  If you can't exhibit it right here, when will you?

Now turn off the computer, go outside and play.

edited 'cus people discussing masturbation and "poontang" on a gun website have delicate sensibilites.

Well put, beekeeper1.


Tyler

. PC enough?
[chainsawkill]

Beekeeper, It ain't lookin' like we're going to pass on the ritual with this [newbie] ...

My best advice is learn to talk to them.

Talk to them like they are "one of the boys".

Don't treat them like icons.  

Women love to talk and be talked to.

Joke with them and make them laugh.

Don't worry about "getting laid", because if you go at it with that in mind they will smell it on you like a stink.  And women don't like to be "just used for sex".  (except by me of course)  

They want to sleep with men they emotionally trust, and they don't trust men who are just trying to "get into their pants".

But if they believe you like them personally and respect them, then they will fall in your arms.

Women love sex as much as us, but they need to be a bit more careful who they sleep with lest they be called "sluts".  

Start a conversation with them just for the sake of enjoying the conversation, with nothing else in mind.  Form a bond with them. And then look for the subtle signals that tell you when it is right to make a move. (like her asking you in for "coffee" etc)  


My other piece of advice is somewhat cynical but true.  Told to me by a real life successful "poon hound".  

Here it is:  "find out what her fantasy man is and then become that man"   Works every time.


Zen



This is my penis, there are many like it, but this one is mine  

Hey, your on the internet!!
There are plenty of dating sites!
AOL has a free one, & Lavalife is low cost.
Hell I've been lucky twice since OCT.
Come on get with the times!!

If you have to ask you are beyond help.

You could always cross the border & commit a felony in the US.  Get convicted & sent to a Federal prison.  You'll be getting laid in no time at all......

lift weights get buff something! quit chatting online and go out and getsome. Ever think about a fat girl, they need loving too.
I can think back in the day when I had a 4-pac the girls would ask to see my stomach and they would start rubbing and BANG automatic blowjob.
Know I have a girlfriend my guts so huge I can rest it on her cheeks when I got her doggy.
Bottom line if your not george cluney's  splitting image you need to put in work and if you do get a fish-on dont get all stupid and blow your load rightaway, dont be calling the next day and the day after when you score a number, be cool with it . If your hard up for some pun the girl will smell it a scare her off.
BALOO.

No flame, but when I read this, I laughed my Ass off! [beer]


Tyler

Bathe.

You two have met?  [:D]

Disregard all other advice and listen to Hannah.  She sounds like she's on to something..

NO!!  Don't do that.  I made this offer to my future father in law before I propsed to his daughter and he called my bluff.  I may be half Arab, but where the hell am I supposed to get camels in Virginia??  Sheesh.  I have to say though, I would have loved to see his face if I showed up to his house with 10 camels.

Anyway, good luck OffRoad.  I'm not going to offer any advice (because I'm an idiot when it comes to women) except this.  Don't be a shit.  Be respectful, and try your hardest not to hurt anyone.  It'll come back to you in the end.