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Posted: 12/6/2001 9:13:52 PM EDT
would you rather - Never hear from the birthparents again? or Occasionally hear from them through the agency?
Link Posted: 12/6/2001 9:24:56 PM EDT
Well this may confuse you but,When I was about 13 I found out that my "Dad" wasnt my real "Father" something I suspected for years. My "Dad left me and my mother when I turned 9 and "Dad" and me have really had a serious falling out in the last year. We havent talked in over a year.Ive never talked to my real"Father" he lives in another state but have heard he asks about me to a family friend.I say if he dosent want to talk to me i wont disrupt his life but if he contacted me id be happy to talk to him. Hope this helps.
Link Posted: 12/6/2001 9:45:18 PM EDT
Mine was a closed case adoption in 1950. I don't think I could find out, even if I wanted to. I have sometimes wanted to find out. And then there have been times I was afraid of what I might find.
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 12:14:58 AM EDT
I don't know if this sheds any light on your question or not, but I was adopted as an infant. My "real" parents (the ones who adopted and raised me) told me I was adopted when I was very young (I never remember not knowing it). This was clearly the best way to handle it - it never seemed like a big deal to me. In fact, I thought it was kind of cool that my parents got to pick me out - I knew they really wanted me. Anyway, I don't know my birth parents, or even much about them. I appreciate that they did what was best for me by putting me up for adoption. I don't have any strong desire to find our get to know them - although I am mildly curious (medical history, etc.). I suppose if a birth parent looked me up, I'd meet them and let them know that I have a good life and great adopted parents. But I don't think I'd particularly want either of my birth parents to have an ongoing part in my life. And I respect their privacy enough not to go butting into their lives without permission. Doug
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 6:47:22 AM EDT
My in-laws adopted three children, all siblings, and they allow them monthly visits to their birth mother and grandmother. They know they're adopted, but it doesn't register most of the time. My in-laws are Mom and Dad, while birth mom and grandmother are known by their real names. God Bless Texas
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 7:00:10 AM EDT
I'm kind of on the other side here as my daughter is adopted - my wife's child from a former marriage. She was just four by two weeks when her mother and I married. When my daughter was seven I sat down and explained I was not her biological father. To my surprise she was surprised ! I had thought she knew but was obviously too young. I explained that should she want to see or communicate with her father that I had no problems. (The biological father-of-the-year never made one attempt to contact or see her.) After a couple of weeks she came back to me and said she didn't want to see or hear from him. Today she is a grown young woman with a successful career and to this day has never seen nor heard from "father." From my standpoint I couldn't love her more.
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 8:50:17 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/7/2001 5:43:18 PM EDT
I have 3 adopted children. Adopted a boy when he was 5, he is now 28, married with a son of his own. Adopted 2 sisters at ages 5 and 7. Now 24 and 22, Both married, one with 2 sons. My son met his birth mother 2 years ago. He doesn't regret finding her but wants nothing to do with her now (45 year old druggie). But he did find out some medical history which I think is very important for everyone. Two girls still looking. We told them all we would do what we could to help them find biological families. Everyone needs to know where they came from. You just have to be prepared for some dissappointments along with the good news.
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