Man, this forum is nothing if not timely.
Had all of my wisdom teeth taken out a couple of weeks ago. They gave me Lorcet+ (hydrocodone) for the pain.
I didn't realize one of the side effects was potentially serious constipation and I was eating these things like tic-tacs. Even got the refill bottle.
After about 5 days of no business coming out the south end I sat down to see what the problem was. Man I just could not pass this thing...no kidding it was like a goddamn concrete baseball in my ass.
Actually had to force the thing *back up* the exit chute.
Never having had this problem, I asked the wife what to do and had her get some pills for me. 12 hours later I gave it another shot with no luck again. Physically exhausted trying to get this thing out of my ass.
Starting to get worried at this point and imaging all the fun that would be involved with a friggin enema or trip to the emergency room to unplug my ass. Boy was I looking forward to that humiliation.
So as a last ditch I sent the Mrs back out to get some suppositories. Never even considered sticking things UP my ass before, but things were getting serious.
God bless her, she went back out and got them for me. I inserted 'em where things should not be inserted and sat down to wait. Instructions said they worked in 15min to 1 hour.
After an hour had passed but nothing else had, I decided to double dose myself and crammed a couple of them up as far as nature would allow.
I could tell something was happening by the burning sensation and intestinal discomfort.
Knowing that this was pretty much the last ditch effort on my own with some dignity remaining, I held it as long as I could before mounting the throne for a literal 'doo or die' battle.
I've had car wrecks, motorcycle wrecks, 20 ft falls, internal bleeding, blunt trauma, dislocated joints, cracked bones and projectile vomiting while lying on the floor of gas station. But nothing. And I mean *NOTHING* compared to this.
To make a long story shorter, after 15 minutes of struggle (complete with sound effects and screaming the neighbors could probably hear) I managed to clear the blockage. Actually there were three (3) main accreted masses.
I'm a guy and there was no way in hell I would flush without looking.
So I stand on wobbly legs and turn around to find three totally separate, almost completely round, baseball sized objects stacked in the toilet.
All I can say is that these turds were not of this earth.
To make sure they were dead, I poked 'em with the toilet paper tube and they were literally as hard as rocks.
I resisted the urge to drag the Mrs. in to see them (she later thanked me for this), and it was almost with regret that I flushed them.
I was totally exhausted for the next 8 hours, almost like I had ran a marathon.
That was the most gawd-awful experience *ever*.
The lesson *you* should learn from this is that if you are taking serious pain meds, for god's sake START TAKING FIBER SUPPLEMENTS!!!
If I can prevent that from happening from even one of you guys, consider yourself lucky.
-Observer