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Posted: 11/28/2001 6:50:43 PM EDT
It's been 2 days since my bowels have moved and I'm starting to feel bloated....any homemade remedies so I don't have to embarrass myself in the grocery store with a bottle of Musilix or Ex-Lax? I'd rather embarrass myself here on the forums cause I know there are alot of old coots here who are full of $hit, hehe. I've been under alot of stress lately and I'm only 25 but I'd like to think my colon is still in normal condition.
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 6:59:54 PM EDT
2 tablespoons of epsom salts dissolved in a glass of water works in about an hour or two.
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 7:00:38 PM EDT
Thanks for sharing. Got any turkey leftovers? If so, eat 'em cold (no reheat). That should do the trick!
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 7:02:43 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/29/2001 10:45:35 PM EDT by Smeghead]
Originally Posted By operatorerror: Thanks for sharing. Got any turkey leftovers? If so, eat 'em cold (no reheat). That should do the trick!
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Jesus, that's what I'm all stopped up with prolly.
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 7:02:53 PM EDT
Greasy Honeybun and a warm rootbeer usually goes right through me without changing texture. Good luck! PS, you take them orally. Don't try to stick them up your ass.
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 7:07:47 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Pangea: Greasy Honeybun and a warm rootbeer usually goes right through me without changing texture. Good luck! PS, you take them orally. Don't try to stick them up your ass.
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DAMMIT, NOW U TELL ME! The greasy honeybun went up real easy but that damn, warm root beer can is killing me!
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 7:15:22 PM EDT
Two packages of ex-lax. You won't get off the shitter for a week!![:D]
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 7:33:16 PM EDT
I made the mistake of taking some Dulcolax once. I took half of the regular dosage and the next day I had to buy Kaopectate to STOP shitting!
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 7:44:59 PM EDT
You need one of these... [url]http://www.healthyhealing.com/aisle168.html[/url]
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 7:59:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/28/2001 7:51:12 PM EDT by bunghole]
That's [b][i]ENEMA[/i][/b]RVELOUS!
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 8:08:04 PM EDT
Originally Posted By BenDover: You need one of these... [url]http://www.healthyhealing.com/aisle168.html[/url]
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LMAO!!!![:D][BD][BD][BD][BD][BD][BD]
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 8:18:05 PM EDT
Originally Posted By BenDover: You need one of these... [url]http://www.healthyhealing.com/aisle168.html[/url]
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Okay, I think I'm a little to shy to try inserting fluid into myself from the backend. Sorry, if I sound like such a pussy but I'm too scared to enemate myself. Although.....I do have that 2 qt. USGI canteen with NBC cap and drinking tube.....NO....NO....I WILL NOT STICK THAT UP MY BUTT NO MATTER HOW CONSTIPATED I AM.
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 8:28:17 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Smeghead:
Originally Posted By BenDover: You need one of these... [url]http://www.healthyhealing.com/aisle168.html[/url]
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Okay, I think I'm a little to shy to try inserting fluid into myself from the backend. Sorry, if I sound like such a pussy but I'm too scared to enemate myself. Although.....I do have that 2 qt. USGI canteen with NBC cap and drinking tube.....NO....NO....I WILL NOT STICK THAT UP MY BUTT NO MATTER HOW CONSTIPATED I AM.
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I call it 'high stepper' cause when you're done... well.... In all seriousness, if you can get past the ickiness of it all it would probably do you some good. Warm black coffee would do the trick since the tannic acid acts as an emoliant to soften the packed in dookie. It's not as bad as prostate examination. Nothing can be as demeaning as that for a straight guy. At least the doc was a chick when I lost my virginity.
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 11:40:28 PM EDT
Go buy a can of beef slim jim's and eat about 8 of those in a row.
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 11:58:06 PM EDT
Since I started drinking two classes of apple juice a day, I dump like a champ at the same time nearly everyday. [:D] Try it. jester
Link Posted: 11/28/2001 11:59:19 PM EDT
Mix one can of copenhagen snuff into some really spicy food, a bowl of chile works pretty good, if it don't come out the top end first it will come out the bottom in a hurry. If that doesn't work, don't worry about the stomach cramps, just drink a coke and they will go away.
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 1:02:19 AM EDT
Eat a couple green hot dogs. I did and couldn't stop going for 3 days straight. Another thing that makes me go is reading Shotgun News.
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 2:00:11 AM EDT
Regular exercise, fluids and fiber are usually all it takes. Dulcolax works, but that should be a last resort.
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 6:26:58 AM EDT
mattja is right. Go for a run, preferably a short run if you don't run every day. Drink enough water. (Beer might help in the short term!) Eat some fibrous foods every day, like an apple, lettuce, fiber cereals, carrots, etc.
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 6:49:04 AM EDT
Eat half a chocolate cake, then drink 4 Corona beers.
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 6:54:06 AM EDT
I found out after surgery that pain meds will stop you up like cement. Your not taking any pain medication, are you?[;)] When I'm constipated, I go to Burger King for a whopper and I get the trots pretty soon afterwards.
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 9:47:06 AM EDT
Not that I'm trying to update ya'll on my movements but I drank half a bottle of milk of magnesia and I seemed to clear up the traffic jam. Now, if I can only STOP the shits!
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 9:58:24 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Smeghead: Not that I'm trying to update ya'll on my movements but I drank half a bottle of milk of magnesia and I seemed to clear up the traffic jam. Now, if I can only STOP the shits!
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Eat cheese! Lots of it! Right now! [:D]
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 10:36:37 AM EDT
[center][b]Ahhh.....BEHOLD[/b][/center] [center][size=6]THE POWER OF CHEESE[/SIZE=6][/CENTER]
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 10:48:30 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Mordwyn: [center][b]Ahhh.....BEHOLD[/b][/center] [center][size=6]THE POWER OF CHEESE[/SIZE=6][/CENTER]
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What the hell you guys trying to do to me? Here I am, dropping my ass and you're telling me to eat Cheese??? Some of you get off on the suffering of other AR15.com members, eh?
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 11:06:51 AM EDT
Originally Posted By BenDover: You need one of these... [url]http://www.healthyhealing.com/aisle168.html[/url]
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Okay..first off...this is just way to funny! However, why did you have this web page in the first place..hmmmm. I vote for the Burger King thing.....it works for me. However, drinking Budweiser also works...not Bud Light..but red and white can Budweiser! medcop
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 11:15:06 AM EDT
Of course, you've heard how the constipated mathematician solved his problem? He worked it out with a pencil. Eww.
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 12:07:38 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Smeghead: Some of you get off on the suffering of other AR15.com members, eh?
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Console yourself with this: at least you don't have an enlarged prostate gland. Can you say: slo-flo pee?
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 5:43:24 PM EDT
Mrs. Commissioner, RN, says to eat a nice bowl of oatmeal.
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 9:39:16 PM EDT
Man, this forum is nothing if not timely. Had all of my wisdom teeth taken out a couple of weeks ago. They gave me Lorcet+ (hydrocodone) for the pain. I didn't realize one of the side effects was potentially serious constipation and I was eating these things like tic-tacs. Even got the refill bottle. After about 5 days of no business coming out the south end I sat down to see what the problem was. Man I just could not pass this thing...no kidding it was like a goddamn concrete baseball in my ass. Actually had to force the thing *back up* the exit chute. Never having had this problem, I asked the wife what to do and had her get some pills for me. 12 hours later I gave it another shot with no luck again. Physically exhausted trying to get this thing out of my ass. Starting to get worried at this point and imaging all the fun that would be involved with a friggin enema or trip to the emergency room to unplug my ass. Boy was I looking forward to that humiliation. So as a last ditch I sent the Mrs back out to get some suppositories. Never even considered sticking things UP my ass before, but things were getting serious. God bless her, she went back out and got them for me. I inserted 'em where things should not be inserted and sat down to wait. Instructions said they worked in 15min to 1 hour. After an hour had passed but nothing else had, I decided to double dose myself and crammed a couple of them up as far as nature would allow. I could tell something was happening by the burning sensation and intestinal discomfort. Knowing that this was pretty much the last ditch effort on my own with some dignity remaining, I held it as long as I could before mounting the throne for a literal 'doo or die' battle. I've had car wrecks, motorcycle wrecks, 20 ft falls, internal bleeding, blunt trauma, dislocated joints, cracked bones and projectile vomiting while lying on the floor of gas station. But nothing. And I mean *NOTHING* compared to this. To make a long story shorter, after 15 minutes of struggle (complete with sound effects and screaming the neighbors could probably hear) I managed to clear the blockage. Actually there were three (3) main accreted masses. I'm a guy and there was no way in hell I would flush without looking. So I stand on wobbly legs and turn around to find three totally separate, almost completely round, baseball sized objects stacked in the toilet. All I can say is that these turds were not of this earth. To make sure they were dead, I poked 'em with the toilet paper tube and they were literally as hard as rocks. I resisted the urge to drag the Mrs. in to see them (she later thanked me for this), and it was almost with regret that I flushed them. I was totally exhausted for the next 8 hours, almost like I had ran a marathon. That was the most gawd-awful experience *ever*. The lesson *you* should learn from this is that if you are taking serious pain meds, for god's sake START TAKING FIBER SUPPLEMENTS!!! If I can prevent that from happening from even one of you guys, consider yourself lucky. -Observer
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 10:33:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/29/2001 10:25:28 PM EDT by mattja]
Yup, hydrocodone will do it big time. My wife just got out of the hospital after the c-section and she had a major problem due to that stuff. So, they fixed her up with dulcolax and told her to drink lots of fluids. Now she's a happy camper. :)
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 10:37:08 PM EDT
Observer.....My God, man....Not to laugh at your pain, but your vivid acount of the episode was the best thing I've read all day. My stomache actually hurts!! No shit!!
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 10:45:37 PM EDT
Observer, try Milk of Magnesia and 2 glasses of water. That stuff turns everything from the stomach on down into liquid shit. My dad said during WW2 his parents used to line all the kids up and force feed them 4 tablespoons of Milk of Magnesia along with 2 glasses of water once a week. I feel your pain man, I too have experience the concrete plug. It sucks being the butt of everyone's jokes but man, there's nothing like spending a little quality time on the throne.
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 10:50:07 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Observer: ...I held it as long as I could before mounting the throne for a literal 'doo or die' battle. ...All I can say is that these turds were not of this earth. ...To make sure they were dead, I poked 'em with the toilet paper tube and they were literally as hard as rocks. -Observer
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Holy shit, I'm in tears!
Link Posted: 11/29/2001 11:05:15 PM EDT
This has got to be the funniest damn thread I have read in ages! Not to be poking fun at ya'll but damn. Unfortunately my kiddo goes through this scenario(sp?) fairly often, so I know it's not a good thing. But to have the play-by-play (thanks observer) is pretty dang funny. Hope everything comes out all right. hehe
Link Posted: 11/30/2001 4:55:18 AM EDT
Originally Posted By mattja: Yup, hydrocodone will do it big time. My wife just got out of the hospital after the c-section and she had a major problem due to that stuff. So, they fixed her up with dulcolax and told her to drink lots of fluids. Now she's a happy camper. :)
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LMAO...I'd bet she would appreciate you posting this online.
Link Posted: 11/30/2001 5:35:32 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/30/2001 5:28:40 AM EDT by thebeekeeper1]
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