HR
Looks like a very deep cut,it is going to take time to heal. A rebound relationship would not be good nor would a lot of alcohol. Stay busy and don't dwell on the past.

You damn Yankees stay the hell out of here. [;)]

Walk away. If she comes back to you think long and hard. How long will it be before you are not good enough again. 2nd best does not cut it in a relationship, before long 2nd best usually will have been cheated on or left again.

Hiram,

Going trough the same thing, seven years of living together down the drain.....her parents had a lot to do with it. So go figure...

All the advice you're given is well meant advice and comes straight from the heart most of the times.

There's no Field manual to help you cope with this, but remember hearts don't break. They get bruised and torn but the healing only leaves a scar.

I found that my newly won freedoms are a blessing in disquise, I work and come home into MY home. I date and sleep with whomever I want to. Avoid drinking and doing do, but if there's one healer it's strange P*ss*. It'll do for a while, it'll have to do until the next one comes around.

Oh, p.s. you might want to consider the source of this advice coming from a man rebounding like crazy, promised he would'nt fall in love again for at least a year and HALO'd right back in love again with a girl he met at the range. [;)]

Hang in there brother, the tide will turn.

Kuiper

Interestingly enough, I find myself in agreement with Sukebe.

QS

I am so sorry to hear about this... although I agree that it's better to find out now.  I am curious, though, if the reason(s) your mother wasn't surprised is the same reason(s) your fiance said she couldn't go through with the wedding?  I guess I've always been a "why?" person but the truth is you may never really know what happened.  

This may sound strange as a way to get over your ex, but try taking up a new sport or excercising more.  Physical exertion and exhaustion tends to quiet my head (make the voices STOP! [:D]).  

The not being able to sleep because she's not beside you should pass in about a week.  Also... curl up with your pug... pets are wonderful at unconditional love.

Personally?  I take a lot of time in between a major break-up and dating again.  I find I need the time alone.  

Again, I am sorry.  Keep your family and friends close.  Take care.

There is no such thing as "the one" there is only the right now. I met and fel in love with my wife eleven years ago, we have been married for ten, I can think of no reason that we will ever be apart. but fate is a crule mistress. you may never see it coming.but one day for no aperant reason everything changes. dont dwell on the past. move on with your life< I'm sure she is.   [:)>]

Very good advice.

Rhetorical question: why is it that Miss Magnum's thoughts on these matters are usually the most sensible and likely effective answers to dealing with personal problems that I see here on this forum?

MM, you missed your calling. You should be a pro-gun answer to Ann Landers or Dear Abby, running your own advice column.

All I can say is BTDT got the T Shirt...  It took me more than 2 years to get over her.  Then one day she called me telling me what a mistake she made, asking if we could try again.  Well that day, I probably made the worst decision of my life.  I found out the hard way that if she was really the “one”. She wouldn’t have left in the first place.  Honestly, the thing that helped me the most was imagining her doing the vilest and disgusting things you can think of.  I know its hard now, but you will survive.  You will move on, and someday, she will be nothing but a fond memory.  Drive on soldier!  

Oh yeah, I know it was said once before, but my grandfather once told me “women are like busses, another one comes along every 5 minutes.”  Sage advise, that meant nothing at the time he told me (I was 5), but it means the world to me now!

Sorry for your lost...I too went down that road before...and more than once.

Here are my remedies:

1- Time will heal everything, broken heart included.

2- Stay away from booze as much as you can, it will only add to the misery. If you need to, then do it moderately.

3- Keep yourself busy, work, finish undone projects, do "volunteer works". When you are busy, you don't have time to feel sorry for yourself. On my last volunteer work, I draw lots of attention from single women and that worked out real nice for me. I met a girl there that made my sorrow go away.

4- Get yourself into some type of sport...keep yourself in shape. You will definitely meet new friends here.

5- Hook up and hang out with old friends.  When us guys got together, anything can happen.

6- Last but not least, there are lots of fishes out there to be caught....So Cheer up!

-HR, for your sake I really hope this wasn't "the one". Everybody says their currently crashed relationship was the grandest, but some really are better than others. All of my x-girlfriends hurt somewhat, but there was one in particular.

If yours was one of those, the rare ones. I am sorry. Time will heal your pain, but if she was "the one" for you, that pain will change from a bright burning to a dull ache. One that may or may not go away. Mine never did. Some guys may catcall this as 'being a wuss' or whatever, but they either never had it, or don't have the courage to admit it. I'm not the only one who felt this way about a chick.

I've spent thousands of dollars, been to 8 countries and met some women along the way... (even tried a failed marriage). It's been 5 years, and I still think of her everyday. The ache, the dreams... You may know what I'm talking about. I've done a couple years of counseling, and it helped some (kept me from going to prison or hell). I've done nearly everything.

The only advice that I can give you that might help is, from this old guy I met once. He said everybody falls in love in their lives 2 or 3 times. Not girlfriend love, but real, binding, comprehending each other fully, honest love. We talked for awhile and he went into detail. He told me to be patient and wait. It will happen. I live off that hope now.

Yeah, there's a lot of cool stuff in life, but it really all boils down to love. If you haven't got it, you're looking for it. If you have it, you can breathe day to day and live life to the fullest. Most people are looking.

My suggestion is save up and buy a full auto while you're waiting. It will help take your mind off the emotional scar.

Sorry to hear about your break up, Hiram.  Take care of yourself for a while, you'll be on the rebound soon.  God bless!

HiramRanger,
I'm sorry for both of your loses.
As for your most recent event I believe its probably for the best.
Once your married things get interesting real quick.
Keep the faith!

Hiram,
Real comfort food doesn't make you hungry again after 30 minutes.  :)

Try some swedish meatballs and noodles!

Uh oh.... you went to B&J's and nothing interested you???  That's worse than I thought [;)]

Hang in there Hiram and maybe lay off the Chinese food.

B Man

HR
Hang in there I went thru the same thing with My ex-fiance years ago takes a while but it gets better. I managed to get the last laugh on mine though cause the 3time loser domestic violence specialist she hooked up with left her with the kids(none of them hers)and went back to his buddies at attica for a stretch.Hook up with some friends and go shootin,(BTW I just got in 2 battlepacks of SA) Have a few beers (but stay away from heavy boozin--leads to bad late night phone calls,ask me how I know)do things you always wanted to do but couldnt with her around. This is somewhat extreme but I bought a new truck and moved to GA where the "pastures were much greener" if ya know what I mean.Met My now wife and moved back to NY (job transfer NOT by choice) Might as well before you know it youll be married with young'ins runnin round wondering where all the time went so take advantage while you can.

GET LAID!!!

Be thankful that you/she decided things were not going to work before you made it legal.  You have just avoided a potential disaster; get yourself together and go on with your life.  I wish you the best of luck because I know that shit is hard to deal with(my first marriage lasted eight months).  Don't beat yourself up over it.  There is somebody out there who is "Mrs. Right". [beer]

no, silly, it doesn't mean that your heart will grow emptier if your wallet becomes fatter.  chinese fortunes don't work backwards.

i think it means this:  a person stops caring so much about his/her wallet and focuses more on what makes him/her happy in the heart and in life.  money can buy a lot of things.  but it can't buy happiness.  and hanging on to the former is almost a sure bet to exclude the latter.  only when you're free from the burdens of worrying about the cost of everything, can you truly be happy.

disclaimer:  this by no means implies that anyone should rack up the plastic debt in an attempt to let go of the money burden.  there are still plenty of ways to remain frugal, but not a tightwad.  [:)]

find a Springfield Armory XD and get reintroduced to your other family! [;)]

Miss Magnum had a good idea.  Ask you mom why she's not surprised.  You might learn something about the ex or yourself that will help you either heal or understand (or both).

HiramRanger,
"The higher the highs, the lower the lows."

Take good care of yourself, and call us anytime.

Myself, been reading the Dalai Lama, attempting to exact the meaning in life.

"When you are ready, she will appear."

Im not getting married.. Im just going to find a woman that I dont like and give her half my stuff.

My condolences, bud. I had a similar experience, although not as far along in the process, 25 years ago. It resulted in me going into a near suicidal depression.

With counciling and meds, I got through it. It will be like a grieving process. You will go through all the same stages; denial, anger, depression, acceptance.

Today, I am happily married with a wonderful wife, and two of the greatest daughters a man could ever hope for. I have thought often about what my life might have been like if I had married that other girl. I feel like I dodged a bullet.

I don't say that to minimize the pain you feel now. You need to feel it and work through it. If you feel that it is taking an extrodinary amount of time to recover, it might hint at some other underlying emotional or psychological issues which still need to be addressed.

This is not to say my life is a bowl of cherries. As I write this, I am unemployed since September, my wife is recovering from surgery, and I am facing the prospect of a third spinal operation in a year. You may not want to hear this, but since I have entrusted my life to Jesus Christ, I can endure all things. I don't say this to annoy you, or turn you off, but I hope you will keep an open mind about where you put you faith.

God bless. In the end, all will work out for the better.

HR- Your post was helpful for me also but I will choose to not go into all of that here. I will say this. It sucks to be going through your things, doing laundry or whatever, and find some shirt or something that you hadn't realized was there. I had to take down pics and hide all the reminders. Broken hearts are the worst pain ever. I know you are hearing alot of that. Here is a poem that I wanted to share.

you left
traces
of your self
all over my room:

a poem scribbled in the
margin of a book.

a corner of a page
turned over in another book.

your smell on my blanket.

where are you tonight?

in whose room are you leaving
traces?

are you perhaps
discovering
the traces of my self
I left on your soul?

Hope your heart heals faster than mine is.

My "the ONE" left after I changed carreers, her friends told her I was a loser, 30 years old and no full time job. I was in college full time and working two part time jobs. I completed college and graduated with honors.  It got really bad, she found a guy at work to "console" her.  I caught her and we were through.
My current job pays better than my old field ever paid. I pull in over 50k a year, knock back really decent a$$ all the time, own three cars outright and I have a house FULL of toys.  
She lives alone and has a new boyfriend every 6 months. She just did you the biggest favor of your life, trust me bro.

[b]AMEN![/b]

Dated Miss Right for 6 years, waiting for her to get her Ph.D.
Proposing to her was the happiest moment of my life.
She didn't say "yes", and left the country.
She decided a job in Korea was more important than I was.
A year has passed, and I still hurt like he!!.

Losing The "One", particularly by her own choice, sucks about as much as anything can possibly suck.
Give yourself time to mourn, then move on.
Recognize that the pain will simply be there for a long time.
After an appropriate period passes, decide to move on. Don't try to make things happen earlier, and don't let the pain stop you later than that mourning period. I'm coming up on the one-year point, and regardless of pain will decide to move on to others. This year has sucked (haven't had a single good night's sleep, sporadically think about her about an hour a day, and she calls monthly) but it has passed quickly.

Talk openly with a few close friends. Mingle. Find distractions. Avoid dating for a while (not good for either of you). Mourn. Then move on.

HR, obey your fortune cookie.  Confucius say "I see a Kimber in your future..."  

Selling the setting of the engagement ring will provide a decent down payment.  A few of the other gifts you were saving should pay for the rest...