[b]Here's The Flaming Backpack Story!![/b](really) - Page 2

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - [b]Here's The Flaming Backpack Story!![/b](really) (Page 2 of 3)

Posted: 10/29/2001 1:55:26 PM EDT

[#1]

Well, that's a bureaucracy for you![rolleyes]

Posted: 10/29/2001 1:57:35 PM EDT

[#2]

My life is now complete.

Posted: 10/29/2001 2:12:28 PM EDT

[#3]

That is pretty damn bad... but what do you expect from people who make minimum wage and can barely speak english. They aren't truly worried about security as much as they are pretending to be the "Airline Nazi" until their next smoke break. I used to actually work for the airlines (and remember: The airlines are the companies that contract out these jokers... the FAA makes it the airlines responsibility to provide security for their own flights).

I often wondered while working at the airlines why anybody would want to work for these security firms, concession stands, janitorial contractors, etc. when it was pretty darn easy to get a job at hte airlines. Not to mention all the killer free travel and benefits you got from the airlines.

So I came to one conclusion..... the only people intelligent enough to work for security, etc. instead of the airlines.... just so happen to be the same people that are intelligent enough NOT to work there.... so what you get left with is retards and rent-a-cops. [:D]

Posted: 10/29/2001 2:15:34 PM EDT

[#4]

Thanks TreeTop for a wonderfully funny story. I realize it wasn't funny for you, but if they had told me I tried to bring fire on the plane, I probably would have died laughing at that point. However, I'm glad you were able to work it out.

Posted: 10/29/2001 3:46:37 PM EDT

[#5]

Damn TREETOP [devil]

That was a great story, and my heart goes out to you. [beer]

Eric

Posted: 10/29/2001 4:59:03 PM EDT

[#6]

I can laugh about it now. It feels good to finally let it out, and it's kinda funny when I read it.[:)]

Posted: 10/29/2001 5:17:45 PM EDT

[#7]

Great story Treetop. It's about time you told it.

Posted: 10/29/2001 5:26:07 PM EDT

[#8]

A true Classic.

[b]"That's FIRE!! You can't bring fire on the plane!!" [/b]
Will be quoted for months...

BISHOP

Posted: 10/29/2001 8:00:14 PM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
Tree, when I have the pleasure of shootin with you again, I`ll relate a similar story that happened to a good friend of mine. His story got worse by flipping the first two guys that 'layed hands on' him.

View Quote

Rich, don't hold out on us. Tell us your story too. Don't let us swing in the breeze like Treetop did.[:)]

As for my story, about five years ago at LAX, my father walked through the metal detectors a dozen times with a PPK and a badge undetected.

We had gone to the airport to drop off my aunt and friends after a trip to the LA Jewelry District. My father, a retired cop, was "security" for the ladies during the buying trip. He forgot to remove it in the parking lot at the airport and did not realize he had it until we sat down at the gate waiting for the boarding call.

After my aunt and friends boarded the flight, my father stopped at the security desk, and after showing his badge, informed them that their metal detector was not working properly. They were shocked to hear that and asked which detector he walked through. He indicated which one it was, and they asked him to walk through it again to show them. He did, no alarms. Walking back through, still no alarms. The security guards from the desk and the guards running the checkpoint were dumbfounded that the gun was not setting off the alarms. Remember, he also had his badge in his pocket and that should be setting off the alarms as well.

A supervisor was called to the scene and the story was explained to her. My father repeated the walk through the detector undetected. She then asked if he would walk through the other two detectors and he did so undetected. While we were there, she called maintenance. Somebody mentioned that body contact with the metal, he was wearing IWB, somehow was impeding the sensors, so they had him walkthrough holding the PPK by the holster away from his body. Still no alarms. We were thanked for bringing this to their attention, and later received a call informing us that the machines were now properly adjusted.

A few months later, when I had to go to LAX, the machines were adjusted supertight, so much so that the change in my wallet would set it off. But, over the next couple years, the sensitivity seemed to decrease. I used to carry a big swiss-army knife on my keychain and it only set it off the first couple times, then it too, would go through undetected.

Jack.

P.S. I was going to mention this when Treetop first mentioned his Backpack story. I didn't, because I did not want to let people know how easy it was to sneak past security like that. But then 9/11 happened, and now, we have "better" security, so scenes like this should never happen again.

Posted: 10/29/2001 8:02:44 PM EDT

[#10]

Man that's insightful, and I had no problem visualizing any of it! I am a frequent flyer, and I just spent three of the worst airport travel days ever travelling from El Paso to Norfolk through O'Hare. This was last week. I just got my luggage today, and I was wearing the same clothes for three days and missed my speaking engagement.

Now I know there is something out there besides Mall Ninja:

Airport Ninja - Keeper of the Flame

We need some Airport Ninja pics now!

Soon you'll be able to collect the whole set!

Posted: 10/29/2001 11:11:02 PM EDT

[#11]

Treetop- It was very much worth the wait!!! Incredible!

Posted: 10/29/2001 11:22:29 PM EDT

[#12]

ROTFLMFAO!!!!
Treetop, THAT, was truly worth waiting for. Sorry about your stuff but that was a great story![:D]

Posted: 10/30/2001 4:57:53 AM EDT

[#13]

that was great.

fire? you can't bring fire on the plane!!

for fun, cut a broom handle in half, wrap a rag around it , dip it in kerosene and try to bring it on the plane, alternate between trying to bring it on lit and unlit. hehe

a great story.

OffRoad

Posted: 10/30/2001 4:39:52 PM EDT

[#14]

Been waiting a long time, but worth the wait.
I worked security for a construction company at Burbank airport for a short while, the place didn't impress me much in any way, security especially.

Posted: 10/30/2001 5:25:04 PM EDT

[#15]

[b]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA![/b]

. *gasp* *wheeze*

[b]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA![/b]

Now [b]that[/b] was some funny stuff!

You're right...they were morons.

Being an airline "retiree" I did all sorts of things including running security checks on the checkpoints at a couple of airports. I remember when butane accesories became popular in '91...especially the butane hair curlers After some initial confusion, the FAA said that one cartridge was ok. Lighters were ok too. That's pretty much the way it was until Sept. 10th.

The machines are designed pretty well. The FAA does put out recent info (remember pen-guns and other AOW items?...they had publications on that pretty quick). The problem was the personnel and their training. The training was dismal...many times, the subcontracted company would say they trained people when the people said they weren't trained. And those personnel that did do well went on to better paying jobs...those that didn't do well stayed behind. The result? A bunch of morons working together.

Posted: 10/30/2001 10:17:35 PM EDT

[#16]

So Treetop,
When you finally got on the plane and assembled the rest of the rifle, that you had hidden on the plane, did you feel that your ability to use the rifle was hindered by its lack of a stock?

*** The above is JUST a logical question pertaining to Treetops incident. There is not, and never was, an actual rifle hidden on Treetops plane. If there were an actual rifle on the plain it would have been rendered useless with out the stock (per FAA Security personnel). ***

[edited because I can't spell my way out of a paper bag]

Posted: 10/31/2001 6:33:57 AM EDT

[#17]

Just read your post TREETOP...
One of the many reason as to why my wife and I will never fly again. We were planning on flying out to Yosemite in 2002, now the only why we will go is to drive. That's no going to happen since it would be about 6000 miles round trip.

Posted: 10/31/2001 11:16:09 AM EDT

[#18]

Told you you would be laughing about it... [:D]

I can tell a good flaming backpack story, too.

I used to work with a NASA agency that was developing satellite mass spectrometers. They are used to determine the composition of atmospheric gases on other planet, like Jupiter and Saturn. These devices are hermetically sealed in a metallic cylinder about 9" in diameter and 15" long.

We had a university associated with the program that was working on the electronics for the instrument. Their lead scientist came to the NASA center to try out some electronic components. After some testing, he decided to take the instrument back to the university. When he went to the airport to fly back with the instrument in a suitcase, he ran into the AIRPORT SECURITY MALL NINJA.....

Security: "What's in the suitcase?"

Scientist: "A sensitive science instrument"

Security: "Do you have any documentation for it? (letter from NASA, etc.)"

Scientist: "No."

Security: "Can we x-ray it?"

Scientist: "No."

Security: "Can you open the case?"

Scientist opens case, security ninja's eyes bug out at sight of long metallic cylinder.

Security: "Open the cylinder"

Scientist: "I can't. It'll ruin the instrument."

Security Ninja cuffs Scientist to a chair and calls the bomb squad. Crowd of Security Ninjas appears and take instrument to a secure area of the airport (to prepare to blow it up).

Frantic calls made to NASA center (it's 6 PM and most people are long gone). Fortunately, somebody was found that could vouch for the scientist and his cargo and all was saved. The airport security was making final preparations to torch the "bomb" with kerosene and were called off with only a minute or two to spare. Good thing, as the instrument was worth millions of $$$$$.

Posted: 10/31/2001 7:37:07 PM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:
Post 9/11.
My mom had a souvenier matchbook at Logan seized. Like some 50 year old white woman with a smoking habit is dangerous.

View Quote

I've noticed the "airport apes" rarely confiscate crap. I've had more than one friend who had to "surrender" an expensive knife at airport security.

Posted: 10/31/2001 7:45:59 PM EDT

[#20]

Treetop, that was funny as hell. That whole incident will make a great scene in the upcoming Mall Ninja movie.

Posted: 10/31/2001 8:02:14 PM EDT

[#21]

Jarhead 22
To answer your question, Air Force types qualify with the M16 (A1?/A2?) in basic. However, the job they have determines when they requalify. I was told several years at ANG summer camp that those who could be sent on a deployment requalified every TWO years, and the rest at THREE years.
Because of this mindset, it was 16 years before I found out that I could get paid to shoot. But I have made up for it since then.
Just think, free guns, ammo, equipment, transportation and paid training. "America, is this a GREAT country or what???"

Posted: 11/1/2001 7:12:25 AM EDT

[#22]

the best line was the lady that said [b]"YOU TRIED TO BRING FIRE ONTO THE AIRPLANE!!"[/b]

I would have replied, [b]"Ugh. Gronk like fire. Gronk need fire."[/b]

Posted: 11/1/2001 1:02:40 PM EDT

[#23]

fire bad!*
if it had been a survival rifle that stores itself in the stock, and you had the rest of it hidden on the plane
a) why not hide the stock too
b) why not just fire the gun without a stock

airline security is a joke

* comes from this
[url]http://www.campchaos.com/cartoons/napsterbad/[/url]

Posted: 11/1/2001 1:28:55 PM EDT

[#24]

Last year I was going see my buddy off to Marine boot camp at the New Orleans airport. It was a school day so I barely enough time to get there from Baton Rouge before he had to take off. Anyway, attempting to make it quickly though the metal detectors I through my keys and change in the bucket and trotted through the detector. No beeps, all good. Right? Nuh-uh.
I turn around to see that fat bitch on her stool playing with the laser pointer on my keychain. I attempt to grab it and go catch my buddy. Nope.
FB: "You can't be havin' dese on da plane."
Me: "I'm not going on the plane, I'm just here to see my freind off to bootcamp."
FB: "But you still caint have dis on da plane. You gonna blind the pilot and so you ...."
*Oh, brother*
Me: "Ma'am, I'm not going on, I don't have a ticket, and his plane is about to leave. So if I could please.."
FB: "No, I caint letcha"
*I glance impatiently at my watch*
Me: "Can I just leave it here, his gate is right there I'll be back in a few minutes?"
She shook her head and I ran on just in time to see his flight taxi out. Fudge. Well, at least we had said goodbye the day before. Dejected, I head back to get my keys and go home.
Me: "Excuse me, ma'am..."
FB: "What?"
Me: "My keys?"

FB: "What? Keys?"
I spend half a minute trying to jog her memory only to get her to cough up this statement
FB: "Oh, we get ridda all confuscated material immejutly."
I felt my muscles winding up for a bitch-slap. What the hell, she through away my keys!
O.K. so I look around for a trash can. None, So I ask her and she says something about a disposal shoot. I was so ready to rip her head off but somehow managed to contain myself. I asked her where the shoot led, she pointed down and said I could not go in there. How the hell am I supposed to drive home? Huh?
Long story short, got her supervisor or whatever, they got security to go fetch my keys, and I made 'em feel bad enough to cover my parking fee.
Anyway thats my airport story, not quite fire or a "survival rifle" but close enough.

Posted: 11/1/2001 2:17:34 PM EDT

[#25]

Thank you, Treetop!

Posted: 11/1/2001 3:30:52 PM EDT

[#26]

Thanks, Treetop. That was definitely worth all the suspense!

[50]

Posted: 11/2/2001 3:08:16 AM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
Damn, that was well worth the wait!

"That's FIRE!! You can't bring fire on the plane!!"

Funniest damn line I've ever heard, are you sure you didn't smuggle that line out of an 'Airplane' movie?

Good thing they caught you, or you could have assembled that AK stock and soldering iron into a deadly post-ban flame thrower. Plus with the two cell phones, you could have rigged a remote triggering device and phoned in a flame attack to the rest of the plane from the safety of the bathroom.

TREETOP, you are the MacGyver of airborne terrorism...

View Quote

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... ROFLMAO.... BWAHAHAHA.

Posted: 11/2/2001 4:44:44 AM EDT

[#28]

That was fu**ing funny..

Posted: 11/2/2001 9:39:55 AM EDT

[#29]

applause! applause!

[smash]

Posted: 11/2/2001 11:31:01 AM EDT

[#30]

Cool story.

Now.. What was the big deal about telling it again? [>:/]

Posted: 11/3/2001 11:18:20 AM EDT

[#31]

Your new Indian name "Dances with Fire".

What a story! My wife was patted down this weekend in the airport, only I don't think the old guy even worked there!!

Posted: 11/3/2001 4:08:12 PM EDT

[#32]

Great story, thanks for sharing.

Posted: 12/3/2001 6:28:46 PM EDT

[#33]

kicking this one up too. Just too rich [:D]

Posted: 12/9/2001 7:41:26 PM EDT

[#34]

Looking back, I can see the humor a lot better now. Reading this again actually made me laugh at the situation.

[:D]

[BTT]

Posted: 12/9/2001 7:50:42 PM EDT

[#35]

You just want [i]more[/i] attention.

Posted: 1/20/2002 4:48:01 PM EDT

[#36]

Here you go DarkHelmet.

Posted: 1/20/2002 5:35:25 PM EDT

[#37]

Funny.

The Burbank airport sucks - full of every kind of low life and Hollywood wannabe. The airline service there sucks - stop in Denver, Phoenix, or who knows where.

But it's better than going to LAX.

Posted: 1/20/2002 9:21:11 PM EDT

[#38]

i kinda have a story like that, now where near as long or entertaining or funny. july 5th, 2000, i was flying back to seattle from colorado springs as having just completed a 75 mile hike at Philmont scout ranch in NM. I was traveling in full uniform (not by my choice) btw. after checking in my luggage and confirming ticket information i headed to the terminal. when i got to the security gate i threw my backpack onto the xray thing and took everything out of my pockets and put my belt buckle in the tray. as a boy scout, i am always prepared.....pocket knife included. i left it in my pocket from when we set out on the 4 hour drive. the secuirty guard was sort of discomforted at the fact that a boy scout brought a knife into the airport. they began to lecture me on safety precautions and why knifes arent allowed on planes as if im some kind of 3 year old. if that wasnt trouble enough, they took everything out of my backpack and tested it for explosives and drug residue at the same time. all of this happened in the middle of the terminal with me in full class A scout uniform. i just sat there with my head shaking.
"can you guys let me go now? its just a little pocket knife. i dont look much like a terrorist do i?" i asked.
theyre like "no. im sorry, but you cant bring this on an airplane. youre going to have to check it with the rest of your luggage."
by this time the luggage is probably all ready in the belly of the plane.
it made me a bit angry and i was like "you think we left our luggage back at the door and came straight to the security gate first? its already been checked and probably out to the plane by now!" well, getting a smart ass response from 15 year old in a scout uniform wasnt what they had expected.
"listen here kid! you brought a knife into an airport and if it werent for us, it would have made it onto the plane." they said proudly.
"NO. you listen. i am a boy scout, i know how to use a knife, heres my totin' chit that shows im not a dumbass when it comes to blades" i ripped it out of my wallet and showed them. "i just came back form a 75 mile hike, im really tired and i dont feel like putting up with your shht...crap." i interupped.
"hey, dont you even think of using that language with me. i was a scout too once and i remember they are supposed to be friendly, curtious, and kind. just let me do my job and you can be on your way." he blurted furiously.
i ripped off the address tag from my backpack shoved it ino his face and said "heres my address, mail me the damn knife." and promptly shoved everything in my backpack and walked off. i think he was a little startled by this and didnt do anything to stop me as a ran to catch my plane. all of that infront of god and everbody, and i still havent gotten my knife back. like i said, not as funny, but still a good one.

Posted: 2/12/2002 4:38:53 AM EDT

[#39]

BTT Just because everyone should have a chance to read it. [pyro]

Posted: 2/12/2002 5:53:03 AM EDT

[#40]

Harg. Back, I think this would be 96 or 97, I went to visit a friend up in Rochester, NY. This involved a puddle-jumper from Philly to Newark, with the connecting flight to Rochester.

Now, the previous two years of my life were spent in Massachusetts. Where, every day, in a belt holder, I carried a butterfly knife...the blade was only about 3.75". Purchased in the Pioneer Valley Knife and Tool store in Amherst, MA. Not wanting to be without it, I packed it into my carry-on bag instead of carrying it on me. I passed through Philly without any incident whatsoever. Of course, I had to turn on and off my cell phone, and my Ti-85, and they really freaked about my Sna*pak metal folder, which I was using to hold various papers for a school project I was working on.

Arrive at Newark without incident. Going to the gate, I have to pass through newark security. As expected, I get stopped, and asked to turn on and off the cell phone and calc. I look up, having turned off my cell to notice one of the ladies had opened up my bag (after I had retrieved the calculator and closed the bag again) and was playing with my knife. Not inspecting, not checking, but playing. As in, she grabbed a handle with each hand and was twisting it around in front of the entire airport, like a child trying to figure out what it was. I informed her that If she didn't know how to properly handle it, that it would not be prudent to play with it as she could hurt herself.

She goes on a tirade (keep in mind, the other lady was blocking me from passing, and I'm standing practically in front of the metal detector, my 6'3" 270lb frame causing a considerable backlog of people) about how I 'cannot take this on a plane'. She then, in a test to see how long the blade is, held it up against her palm. I should note that the lady in question, while being rather portly, could not have been more than an inch above five feet. Her hands, as it were, were INCREDIBLY small. I informed her of this, that the blade was of a perfectly legal length, and that holding an open blade like that could cut her (she was rotating the blade around her hand, the pivot point being the sharpened edge).

She put the blade down and steadfastly refused to allow me to proceed with it. I snapped it up, returned to the main counters, had to check it in. I also gave the sup an earful about the general incompetence of their staff (in relation to not taking me aside, blocking the path of passengers, brandishing an item so openly and in an unsafe manner). It's why I don't like flying out of Newark.

Posted: 2/12/2002 6:36:42 AM EDT

[#41]

What was that joke I saw in the cartoon strip "The Boondocks" recently?

"Your mother is so dumb, she works airport security."

True, true....[rolleyes]

Posted: 5/29/2002 9:46:34 PM EDT

[#42]

btt [:D} for the lurkers

Posted: 5/29/2002 10:18:50 PM EDT

[#43]

He's diggin' up bones........

Posted: 5/29/2002 10:26:07 PM EDT

[#44]

exhumin' things that's better left alone...

Posted: 5/29/2002 10:40:52 PM EDT

[#45]

Ah, doublefeed brings it back from the dead. Good chance for those who missed it to read it.

Posted: 5/29/2002 10:47:22 PM EDT

[#46]

i dug it up ! cyrax777
Member

Registered: Feb 2001
Posts: 3413 of 3417
AZ, USA
Posted - 05/30/2002 : 01:46:34

Posted: 5/30/2002 1:12:37 AM EDT

[#47]

Treetop, that is way too funny!

What I can't believe is that you tried to take that soldering iron with fuel on board the plane. That's a no-no.

Posted: 6/27/2002 9:28:26 AM EDT

[#48]

Terrorist Instructor : Treetop i am sorry to say you failed to pass the test. please try again next year.

;)

(perhapse joke is in bad taste..)

Posted: 6/27/2002 12:18:58 PM EDT

[#49]

Why can't "dangerous" items go into the baggage compartment? Sure something like a bomb I can understand, but something like a gun or a torch or a hammer or a toothpick - you can't use those things remotely, and you can't get to it while you're in the plane, so what's the big deal?

Posted: 6/27/2002 2:45:27 PM EDT

[#50]

Treeop said about his butane torch, "Me: "It couldn't have happened by itself. It was turned off, with the adjustment an minimum. It's now on at full blast, where I've never had it before!"

I'm not familar with this torch. So I don't know how it could have been not only turned on but ignited! Does this have an automatic ignition switch? How many actions do you have to perform to get this thing flaming?

I hate to take a different positon then the rest of you people, but I wouldn't want that thing on a plane either. Fires are not the thing to mess with especially on a plane. It's hard to "evacuate the building" on a plane. And if it's so easily ignitable, I'd want to make sure where and how I stored it in my tool box, or closet, or where ever. I don't know about this one.

One time, prior to 911, I was getting checked in at the airport and while they were rumaging through my bag, they set off my electric razor. When that thing started buzzing, they all jumped back. I recognized the sound and went to shut it off but they wouldn't let me near the bag. I told them it was my razor. When they found it, they couldn't turn it off. So they "allowed" me turn it off.

So things can actuate by accident. Again, I'm not familar with how many steps you need to turn this butane torch on.

Seems like they are trying to discourage us from flying. Now they're starting to check the bus lines. And then there's Amtrak, which doesn't have any checks, may be going down. Interesting. Couple that with the road blocks and you start getting the feeling that they don't want us to travel at all. Hmm-m-m-m.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - [b]Here's The Flaming Backpack Story!![/b](really) (Page 2 of 3)

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