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Posted: 10/23/2001 4:35:55 PM EDT
This thread is for 'newbies' only, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, stop reading now please! Okay, listen up people! I'm breaking protocol and risking blowing my cover by posting this, so I’ll only say it once! First off, I have one word for all of you: SLOPPY. I realize that a lot of you are fresh out of the academy, and anxious for your first 'big break' but that is no excuse. Did you guys sleep through Internet Espionage 101??? We aren’t going to win the war on guns by acting like a bunch of amatures! Here are a few refresher lessons: 1. Picking a suitable “handle”: This serves as your moniker or alias on the gun board. This alternate identity is VERY important to these gun freaks, so chose your nickname wisely!!! Don’t be too obvious! Names likes “ILIKEGUNS,” “RIFLEGUY” or “GUNOWNER7” are way too generic to be accepted by these paranoid individuals. Also, remember not to go overboard, because these guys are kind of PC here (this isn’t Assaultweb.net, damnit!), so no more names like “KOPKILLER,” “ULTIMATEPATRIOTCOMMANDO,” “GOVTH8R” or “ILIVEINAMISSILESILOINMONTANA” Some good ideas: Incorporate a gun type, or gun manufacturer in your handle. For example “SteyrAug,” “Garandman,” and “Grin-N-Barrett.” Also acceptable are handles that don’t seem to make any sense, for example “FranktheSpank,” I-Luv-Carrots”, and “Goatboy.” DON’T USE YOUR REAL EMAIL ADDRESS!!! If I see one more "SAJohnson@BATF.com" in a profile, I swear I’m going to the deputy director!
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 4:37:22 PM EDT
Lesson 2. Your first thread: Again, and I can’t stress this enough! Don’t be so obvious! Exercise extreme patience, we’ll get them soon enough. First build confidence and gain friends. On this board, high post count equals, ‘cool gun guy.’ So gain their trust, one step at a time. Examples of non-acceptable first threads: “Difference between an AR and M16?”, “Will a telestock fit on my postban?”, “Let’s storm DC! Who’s with me?” and “Gun laws are for pussies!” Also, lay off the usual post-count builders like “Hi, I’m new,” “What is BTT?,” “What’s a Troll?”, “AR vs. AK?”, “9mm vs. .45?” etc… Acceptable ways to boost post count include agreeing with everybody: “yeah, what he said!” “good post, BTT!” “That guy’s an A-hole!”, etc. Posting pics of: pretty women (a.k.a. hot chicks, or fine womenz), cars, pets, guns (borrow some from the evidence room, or take pics of your MP5a3 and pretend you are wealthy), pictures of your dinner are also acceptable. Also acceptable: talking about your ‘shitty wife,’ posting smilies ,and bitching about your ‘job’. You may also try these two techniques: Shadowing a well known member, and becoming his lacky. Also, try posing as a female, this usually works great, unless you are an actual female agent (they usually have a difficult time trying to pretend to be female). Remember, now that Special Agent HANGFIRE has been exposed, we have lost our best inside man. The nation is relying on you people, don’t let the children down!” Oh, and finally, congratulations to Special Agents Imbroglio and Major-Murphy for your recent promotions! ***REPOSTED due to SCATMAN attack.
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 4:39:16 PM EDT
Yeah, what he said! Good post, BTT! (Thought I'd add one more to my count for credibility)
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 4:45:21 PM EDT
"Remember, now that Special Agent HANGFIRE has been exposed, we have lost our best inside man. The nation is relying on you people, don’t let the children down!”" Yep him and now SCATMAN to,all your best guys1 It's a real shame
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 4:45:28 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 5:10:19 PM EDT
Hey HKocher, LMFAO...Great (that's a Capital) post. Two more post to your credit!!! Does a [newbie] get to us the spell check...? I will attemp to increase the amount of post to AR15.com and to make the grade and follow the foot steps of FranktheSpank...? [spank] Or better yet Goatboy...for who we all owe much to for this Great forum. How am I doing...? $hit I could have made 3 post out of this. Just another confused [newbie]...
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 5:16:24 PM EDT
I am not, now nor have I ever been Local, State or Federal law enforcement. [:)] I’m also not that new. I posted on the old board under the name 3gunPete (I lost the login [:(]) I’ve also bought a couple a guns off this board. I was also a commercial reloader for years. (Lynx Ammo)
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 6:14:01 PM EDT
Run away, run away!!! [whacko]
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:05:28 PM EDT
Originally Posted By a2carbine: Yep him and now SCATMAN to,all your best guys1 It's a real shame
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SCATMAN was a rogue agent. He belongs to my bureau's little known gay porn task force. The job of said task force is to proliferate the spread of gay porn, not prevent it.
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:10:00 PM EDT
Originally Posted By HKocher:
Originally Posted By a2carbine: Yep him and now SCATMAN to,all your best guys1 It's a real shame
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SCATMAN was a rogue agent. He belongs to my bureau's little known gay porn task force. The job of said task force is to proliferate the spread of gay porn, not prevent it.
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Well you can tell he really loves his job! Love what you do and do what you love(but never take a bath in poo)
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:16:45 PM EDT
So for 60.00 a year, I can tell others how to post, what to post, when and how to post. You know what, I'll keep my 60.00 dollars and go buy some AR stuff, maybe on another sight, who made you the big boss man? If you don't like what you read, Don't read it. I don't mean to piss you off, but a lot of "newbee's" are learning a lot from this sight, and do appriciate it, like myself, I chose my AR15 Colt, by some of you guy's replies. Thanks
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:28:16 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Normemil: ...who made you the big boss man? If you don't like what you read, Don't read it. I don't mean to piss you off, but a lot of "newbee's" are learning a lot from this sight...
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Who made me the "big boss man???" Hell son, the Assistant Director himself chose me to head up the Internet Espionage and Subterfuge division of this quadrant! I suppose you just got out of the academy too! Well remember my name son, you'll be hearing from your superiors soon about this altercation! In the meantime, I suggest you get the hell out of my quadrant, and reread your training manuals, in particular the part about breaching protocals (9.45-10F) and addressing senior agents (10.34-97B).
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:28:39 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:30:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/23/2001 8:24:36 PM EDT by Orion526]
Huh????? Special agent hangfire???
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:31:19 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:34:11 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:38:13 PM EDT
Hmmm... unsuspecting name = lordtrader Bitching about job = check not using personal e-mail = check don't be obvious = check never posted a what's btt, ak vs ar = check posting pics of dinners = check being Goatboy's lackey = check Holy shit!!! I'm a Fed!!!!!! Damn that reprogramming really works. I didn't even suspect myself.
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:38:53 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:46:19 PM EDT
LMAO!
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:52:32 PM EDT
also feel free to post a pic so we can photoshop it [:D]
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 8:55:25 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 9:11:15 PM EDT
OK, Ive re-read the training manuels,I'm trying to get the hell out of your quadrant, but do I get a promotion for standing up to my "superior" ? Could you please assign me my own quadrant? I'd like to buy a promotion, where do I send my 60 bucks? Ha. Ha. I am send 60.00$ just for your info, in support of the sight. Not giving you shit just having fun, appriciate the info here, its been invalueable!
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 9:12:04 PM EDT
Over 900 posts and I'm still an enigma (but a comfortable one). Take notes. BTW, who's butt do I have to kiss to get a damned promotion around here? (Casual personal joke to throw suspicion off of me). Going to start "phase II" soon..... The all important signature. It should appear innocent enough, yet still attract like minded people into my circle. Something like "Drugs aren't bad, people who abuse drugs are bad" or "Semtek, the only way to fly". Hey, I'm still working on it.
Link Posted: 10/24/2001 2:08:58 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Stealth: Over 900 posts and I'm still an enigma (but a comfortable one). Take notes.
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Oh, I am, believe me, I am...[IMG]http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/contrib/aahmed/biggrin.gif[/IMG] This one goes in the file under "AR15 Classics". Special Agent Imbroglio????? [IMG]http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/contrib/aahmed/biggrin.gif[/IMG]
Link Posted: 10/24/2001 3:38:31 AM EDT
I was wondering when someone was going to go ahead and post the rules, we sure have had an influx of new ag..er posters lately. [:D]
Link Posted: 10/24/2001 3:43:23 AM EDT
What does BTT mean?...........P.S...........my names NOT francis.....[stick]
Link Posted: 10/24/2001 3:45:13 AM EDT
I am looking for a Lackey,if you have enourmous breasts, and a low IQ you can be it. Light duty requirements. Email in profile.
Link Posted: 10/24/2001 5:00:52 AM EDT
Originally Posted By HKocher: Oh, and finally, congratulations to Special Agents Imbroglio and Major-Murphy for your recent promotions!
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Thank you. By the way, Major-Murphy isn't an individual, "he" is eight different agents that work in our section. "His" all over the map opinions and constantly changing personalies are due to the different agents who sign on in "his" name, everyday. It definitely has nothing to do with beer. [:D]
Link Posted: 10/24/2001 5:13:21 AM EDT
All you're newbies are belong to us!
Link Posted: 10/24/2001 5:14:33 AM EDT
Oh my God, somebody slap me.
Link Posted: 10/24/2001 5:16:15 AM EDT
Link Posted: 10/24/2001 5:17:41 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Halfcocked: Oh my God, somebody slap me.
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[stick]...7-08...7-08...7-08
Link Posted: 10/24/2001 5:24:58 AM EDT
I used to post at the old AR board under a different name. This new name is partly my sarcastic response to all these little baggy pants "mofos" I see everywhere. Plus I was living in a rather bad part of town at the time and like to shoot... I pulled a no-no about 1911 vs. Glocks in the Handguns forum, but it was for a joke. Just to get a little controversy going in a new forum [:D]
Link Posted: 10/25/2001 7:55:21 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Major-Murphy:
Originally Posted By HKocher: Oh, and finally, congratulations to Special Agents Imbroglio and Major-Murphy for your recent promotions!
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Thank you. By the way, Major-Murphy isn't an individual, "he" is eight different agents that work in our section. "His" all over the map opinions and constantly changing personalies are due to the different agents who sign on in "his" name, everyday. It definitely has nothing to do with beer. [:D]
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Well congratulations Special Agent(s) Major-Murphy. I also forgot that Imbroglio is actually and advanced random post generator/gun owner data collection program running on a pair of Cray-2s in a dark room in the basement under Langley.
Link Posted: 10/25/2001 8:11:58 PM EDT
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