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Posted: 9/19/2001 2:22:14 PM EDT
Before(B) and After(A) marriage: It is amazing the differences in the way that we feel before the vows are exchanged ... and after. B - You take my breath away A - You're suffocating me B - She says she loves the way I take control of the situation A - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac B - Saturday Night Fever A - Monday Night Football B - He makes me feel like a million dollars A - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done... B - Spilling hot oil on your back and giving you a massage till 2:00AM A - Yelling at me for spilling hot oil on the floor when trying to sneakily make up some fries at 2:00AM B - Making love and a cigarette A - Screwing and a stogie B - Pot A - A pot B - The Sound of Music A - The Sound of Silence B - Cologne A - Motor Oil B - It's like I'm in a dream A - It's like he's in my nightmare B - $60/dozen A - $1.50/stem B - We agree on everything! A - Doesn't she have a mind of her own? B - Sexy lingerie from Victoria's Secret for no reason at all A - A gift certificate to Jenny Craig Weight Loss clinic for your 25th anniversary B - Charming and Noble A - Chernobyl B - Ideal A - Idle B - I love a woman with curves A- I never said you were fat B - He's completely lost without me A - Why won't he ever ask for directions? B - Time stood still A - This relationship is going nowhere B - Blind A - Nearsighted B - You look so seductive in black A - Your clothes are so depressing B - Oysters A - Fishsticks B - I can hardly believe we found each other A - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Link Posted: 9/19/2001 2:22:48 PM EDT
[b]Wife 1.0:[/b] To: Help Desk Subject: System Help I am writing this letter as a last resort. Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.0 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work. Can you help me please!!! Reply: * This is a very common problem that men complain about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES ENTERTAINMENT" program. * Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and go back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. * It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings -Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation. * Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command: C:\APOLOGIZE. * In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. * Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. * Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely cause irreversible damage to the operating system. * Down the road, you may wish to test out our Beta Mother 1.0 as well. It is fully compatible with wife 1.0, but will be more efficient, run faster and will work throughout the night while you sleep. Best of luck from help Desk
Link Posted: 9/19/2001 2:25:22 PM EDT
Anyone know where I can get Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3 Went to CompUSA and they looked at me funny when I asked [@:D]
Link Posted: 9/19/2001 2:26:17 PM EDT
Eveybody should make that mistake once.....well ok twice maybe......3 or more........[whacko]
Link Posted: 9/19/2001 2:37:04 PM EDT
I've had all version of that Girlfriend program but have not tried that Wife 1.0 Black Gun I gather you have upgraded to Wife 4.0? LOL [:D]
Link Posted: 9/19/2001 2:38:17 PM EDT
I GET NO RESPECT..........[smoke]
Link Posted: 9/19/2001 3:26:42 PM EDT
I think I've got you beat (if one could term it that way) with five total........so far.
Link Posted: 9/19/2001 3:31:37 PM EDT
man i hope i never upgrade. wife 1.0 sounds like a pain in the ass
Link Posted: 9/19/2001 6:31:03 PM EDT
Well I think its Masterbates 2.0 for me for a while till I can afford to upgrade to Girlfriend 2.2
Link Posted: 9/20/2001 5:17:23 AM EDT
Yeah......but gets old REAL fast......[shock]
Link Posted: 9/20/2001 5:39:07 AM EDT
Originally Posted By lordtrader: Well I think its Masterbates 2.0 for me for a while till I can afford to upgrade to Girlfriend 2.2
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You could always bootleg [B]NastySlut 6.0[/B] from Frank The Spank! At least that way you won't have to "Spank The Frank"! There is also "CrackWhore 5-oh" but you'll have to contact McUzi for that one!
Link Posted: 9/20/2001 6:05:42 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/20/2001 5:16:31 PM EDT by Waldo]
Link Posted: 9/20/2001 6:21:14 AM EDT
Waldo, you have a clarity of thought rarely found today!
Link Posted: 9/20/2001 6:35:18 AM EDT
Spitz or swallows?........Could`nt get either to download................[spank]
Link Posted: 9/20/2001 7:51:07 AM EDT
Pretty funny stuff LT. After being remarried for over a year now, it's all coming back to me. I was going to e-mail this to a friend but it wouldn't let me. Anybody else have this problem?
Link Posted: 9/20/2001 8:36:44 AM EDT
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