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Posted: 9/6/2001 11:51:02 PM EDT
If you can go back and live your life again would you have your children? Perhaps fewer children or none at all? My wife and I have known each other for 9 years and have been married 7 now and we still have no children. When we were engaged we used to talk about having 2 kids and then adopting one because we both wanted 3 children. Two years ago we seriously tried for a while but no success and then we stopped trying because it was bad time for us, as it seemed that we might move to a third-world country for few years for work. The move didn’t happen (thank God) and we are now pretty settled down. My wife and I both have good paying jobs and we have enough money to enjoy all the good things in life. We recently bought a big house in a quiet part of town with a big yard and a lake and good neighbors. I guess we are doing very well financially. This evening while coming home from work I drove by the park near the house and saw several kids playing ball. I pulled into the parking lot and sat in my car for almost an hour just watching those kids playing and then realized that I had a very big void in my life. All of sudden I had this incredible urge to have a child of my own. I’m 38 and my wife is 29 and I realized that we are not young any more and that we don’t have too much time left before it is too late. Tonight I told my wife about what happened at the park and she said she has been having same urges for some time. We talked about our marriage and we both agreed that it is solid and getting stronger as time goes by and a child would only make it better. We realize that having a child would mean sacrifices for both of us but mainly for my wife as it will affect her career but she is willing. We both talked finances as she wants to stay home with the baby for about 2 years (only one income) and we agreed that that should not be a problem. After all, how can you put a price on a child? Previously when ever we talked about having a baby we always had this and that reason why it was not a good time but then there never will be a “perfect” time and this time seemed good as any. After all this discussion we agreed to try again starting in November and hopefully this time we will be more successful than last time. So back to the original question… if you can go back none, fewer or same? Any regrets?
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 12:02:45 AM EDT
Only wished we'd done it sooner. My wife and I were married for seven years before we had our little girl. I enjoy the little things like Barney, Teletubbies, etc. probably more than shooting, hunting, and messing with guns, just because Daddy gets to entertain. No regrets at all.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 12:04:34 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/7/2001 12:06:08 AM EDT by Stealth]
Me and the wife tried for five years. We ended up quitting, spending our nest egg and presto.... I love my son. There are sacrifices. More they you can possibly imagine. Really. There's nothing like it though. Noone can explain what the unconditional love of a kid means to a parent. No regrets. You might want to rethink the "staying home with the baby for two years". It might end up being a little longer. But then, your priorities in life will have shifted substantially by then. Yea, it's worth it. Definitely.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 12:52:14 AM EDT
Hell yes I would have my nuty kid again. She is the best and the most funny thing I have ever seen. She is two and can out smart mom and dad every time (lil. brat) but I love her even more that my guns.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 12:59:54 AM EDT
Buy a dog and join IDPA. Maybe adopt later. It ain't worth the hassle.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 1:04:56 AM EDT
Yobo, Absolutely without a doubt and all over again no matter what the cost. My son is 5 he's the best little hunting and fishin buddy since my granddad died. We catch a few fish but don't shoot anything 5 yr olds make alot of noise. We will be having another in Dec. a long wait as we've been trying for awhile. Look no matter what it's worth it I'd give up everything for my son we're hoping we get a girl this time but it doesn't really matter. Seeing the world through a child's eyes brings back all the wonder and amazement. We were married for 5 before our son wish we'd started sooner. Just relax it'll happen when it happens son't get stressed and there always is adoption if you're agreeable....it's not for everyone. Boomin
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 2:07:18 AM EDT
Yobo, Yes it's worth it! Every day, day in and day out, even with our kids health problems (they have Hemophilia), I would not trade a single thing or wish anything differant. One of God's greatest blessings is children. As mentioned before, their love is unconditional and without limits. It is so awesome to have that kind of love without any strings. Here is what my normal coming home ritual is like: Drive up, get out of the car, activate alarm, before I even get on the porch, the door is ripped from the hinges, my 9 yr old is the first through it, screams "dad!" and jumps into my arms, wraps his legs around me (now consider; vest, duty gear, gun, radio and whatelse I am carrying - does not matter!) and says, I missed you! [^] I must dislodge him and make sure I look the other three kids in the eyes and give them the same treatment, I just gave my 9 yr old. What is the cutest is, watching our 19 month old, dance a jig while I get to the porch and waits her turn and none too patient mind you! Every morning this is the same drill unless of course they are not up yet, but that don't happen often. Would not trade that for anything in the world. It is such an awesome ride, yes it's tough to sacrifice things but the return we will get in making sure that they will turn out to be mature, responsible, contributing citiznes, will be well worth the small inconviences. We home school and my wife is an at home mother and home maker. The budget is tight but seeing my kids happy, healthy is so much more richer than the temporary feelings of things bought. Dude, remember that the first seven years of your childs life, is the most formative. What he developes into as an adult will be determined in the first seven years. Good luck and God's blessings for the future. Scrape the dog idea from rabbit![v] [smoke]
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 2:10:39 AM EDT
So many variables in life...nobody knows how long they're going to live, if they'll meet "the one" if children will be a possibility... My wife and I have three daughters. When we first got married, we thought we'd have children right away and space them a certain amount of time apart. But later we decided to wait just a few more years to have our first one, and the spacing thing ended up different. This family/daddy thing is a ton of work, but I just love being a daddy. I wouldn't have done it differently at all. It worked out for me however other people's situations are different. A good friend and his wife have been married for about 7 years now...I don't think they're planning on any kids, and that's great. Though it's kinda funny each time we mention another one's on the way, they almost gasp. - Robbie
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 2:39:30 AM EDT
One word: [b]YES[/b] Even on my worst days there is nothing better then coming home to kids that love their father and is a hero to them. One of the two best memories in my life was teaching my kids to ride a bike and how to shoot. If I could afford it I would have ten kids, wife still thinks she has another boy inside her just waiting to get out!! You mentioned that you were in good shape financially, so let me say this. If you do have kids please have one of you stay home at all times at least until he/she is school age(6/7). Even then a parent should be home when the kid gets home. Kids need a parent to be with them when they grow up, not a day care worker. It provides security, love and trust. Plus they won't have some commie liberal pushing their beliefs on [b]your[/b] child. I don't mean to preach but I feel strongly about this and believe a child's needs should take presidence over one's career,money, and all else. My .02 centss so take it for what it's worth. sgtar15
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 2:50:00 AM EDT
What the hell are you waiting for? Me and my wife waited wayyy too long. I should have started having children when I was in my real early twenties. We have one child and I want another real bad. My wife doesn't so that shuts me out right there. No regrets, your love for your child is complete and unconditional.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 3:22:20 AM EDT
Yobo, No regrets for me. I had a baby boy and I love him to dead. My wife and I, we are working on a second child. It is never too late yobo, I got married when I was 45 years old and got my first child at 47. My wife was 36 then. So, to me both of you are still young and have plenty of time. It is good that you are prepared mentally to have a child and it will work out for you. One hint: "Eat Sushi" It will give you strength. I did....and It worked.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 3:59:50 AM EDT
Absolutely. Having our daughter was a kick in the nuts financially, as my wife has been off work since several months before the baby was born, but money is no sacrifice compared to the joy that little girl brings. When my wife goes back to work, it will only be part time and the baby will stay with her grandma. It is worth the continued loss of income to have her with family and not in daycare. The only regret I have is that I waited until I was nearly forty to settle down and start a family. Despite what some have said in previous threads that touched on this idea, having a gunsafe full of expensive toys and a $50k 4x4 and taking expensive vacations is ABSOLUTELY NOT a substitute for having a family.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 4:00:39 AM EDT
Originally Posted By rabbit: Buy a dog and join IDPA. Maybe adopt later. It ain't worth the hassle.
View Quote
Rabbit, you're an ass. Nuff said about that. We had our son quite by accident when we were married for 15 yrs. No plans for him, but he is the best thing that ever happened to us. Gave life a new meaning and direction. Go for it. Fullclip
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 4:12:53 AM EDT
I agree. I have 2 daughters 16 Mo. apart. Wouldn't trade them for anything. Something about that first time they look up at you when you are feeding them a bottle, just before they vomit all over your clothes. Or that smell that comes from a breast feed babies diaper. Or when you realize that you can't afford ammo this month because diapers are running $90 for the month's supply. When you realize your daycare is costing more than your mortgage AND car note. Or the first night you actually get more than two hours of continuous sleep (when they turn 16 years old). Yep, they are worth it--every minute of it. We had our first when I was 30 and my wife 32. AFARR
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 4:17:04 AM EDT
No regrets whaysoever! My daughter, Lorelei, is my best friend and most ardent supporter. She is also the mother of my granddaughter, Kristin. These two girls are the most beautiful people that I know. Whenever I give Kristin a bath and I'm washing her hair, I always ask her 'Kristin, where did you get your beautiful blond hair?' She always blushes and says 'From my Granddaddy!' I then say to her 'Kristin, where did you get your beautiful blue eyes?' and she blushes even more and says 'From my Granddaddy!' [b]Such moments are simply priceless![/b] If I have any regrets, it's that I never had any more children (the spirit was willing, but my wife was weak). Well, I've remarried and my stepson and his wife had a baby boy, Garrett, last year. And as his mother always says, 'Garrett prefers his Granddaddy's chest, second only to my own.' Of course, [u]she's[/u] breastfeeding him and so I'm ill-equipped to challenge her on this! If Miz Hun and I ever divorced, etc., I would have no qualms against having more children in the future, even at my present age of 49! Eric The(Happy!)Hun[>]:)]
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 5:55:47 AM EDT
My wife and I waited five years before having our daughter and two sons. Unlike some others hear, I am glad we waited... I'm not sure we really would have been ready for the changes in our relationship that haveing a baby right away would have caused. I think it gave us and our relationship time to mature. That said, it's great being a dad! I would echo sgtar15's comments on keeping your kids OUT OF DAYCARE if at all possible! It has caused my wife and I some financial challenges over the years, but in the long run it is more than worth it! I work with young adults, and see so many screwed up by unstable families and daycares. My daughter and I (oldest child) recently finished a slim pennsylvania style .32 caplock. She wanted flowers and hearts engraved on the patchbox, and I made sure I put her initials on it, she helped sand the stock and polish the brass. She is big enough now to shoot it off a rest, so the next trip to the range it is coming with us. She loves to show it off, and the pride in her eyes when she says "This is MY RIFLE, and I helped make it!" is priceless to me. You won't regret it. Best wishes to you and your wife!
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 6:08:18 AM EDT
My wife an I waited 10 years. We now have a 5mo old son. My only regret is that we waited too long. Don't wait. Do it. Do it now!
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 6:25:16 AM EDT
We waited, and now it's too late. (health issues) If you are thinking it, do it.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 6:39:50 AM EDT
I have two children, Boy and Girl,would not change a thing! Watching them grow and learn, is an amazing experience. If I could, I wouldn't mind having another one! So go for it yobo!
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 6:45:53 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 7:12:21 AM EDT
There is just NO WAY to describe the joy of children. In my opinion NOTHING can top it, NOTHING. I have a 9 year old girl, an 11 year old boy, and heres the latest addition....... [img]http://albums.photopoint.com/j/View?u=287906&a=12922971&p=48472278&Sequence=0&res=high[/img] [smash] [img]http://albums.photopoint.com/j/View?u=287906&a=12725494&p=53887806&Sequence=0&res=high[/img] Nuckles.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 7:24:01 AM EDT
Kids are one of the best things to ever happen to me! I didn't realize how selfish and self-centered I had been until I had a kid. Children are ALWAYS a blessing for a married couple. My wife gave up her job when we had our first. No, we don't live in as big of house as we could have. No, I don't have as much money for toys. No, I wouldn't have it any other way - even when he's up all night crying!
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 7:44:34 AM EDT
I have one 12, almost 13yr old (gasp!!!!) daughter. I am also divorced from one of Satan's own. What a nasty, ugly mess the last 11 years of my life have been. The divorce set me back to where the average high school grad probably has a better retirement package then I have. But there is not one thing I would change if it meant I had to give up my daughter. She is worth every bit of Hell her mother causes me.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 7:58:35 AM EDT
Point 1: Rabbit is [b]not[/b] an ass, he's just applying [i]his[/i] experience to everyone. Ignorant, maybe. Point 2: If [b]you[/b] really want kids, more power to you. [u]Please[/u] plan on one of you staying home with the child(ren) at least until they start school. Yes, this is a financial hardship, but I really believe that the biggest reason our society is turning to sh*t is because we have largely abdicated our responsibility to raise our children ourselves. Point 3: If you decide to adopt, don't be surprised if your wife miraculously becomes pregnant during or shortly after the adoption process. This happens more often that you'd think. Should this occur [b]please, please[/b] don't treat your "real" (biological) child differently from your adopted one. I've seen that happen in my family, and it is cruel. Good luck.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 8:01:02 AM EDT
My wife and I have two children. A little girl who turned 3 this last Wednesday, and a little boy who's 5 months old. I cannot tell you what a joy it is to have children. Sure, they're a cause of stress when they first arrive, and it's a definite adjustment, but I would not trade them for anything. And I'd certainly sacrifice myself before ever letting them come into harms way. I tell you, nothing beats the sound of "DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!" and a hug when you come home from work. My wife and I got married young. I was a month shy of 22 and she was 18, though we had known each other for a long time. We got pregnant with our daughter almost immediately after we got married, which was not planned, but we made the best of it. We had planned on waiting a few years so she could finish college, as she was a year in, and I'd continue to support us. But, things didn't work out that way, and honestly I'm glad they didn't. We were young enough to remember what it was like to be a kid and to really enjoy them. My wife wanted to stay at home and raise them, but I resented the fact that she would not be finishing college, something I never had a chance to do, and that she wouldn't be contributing to the household income. But I soon learned that while her contributions weren't monetary, there was nothing more important she could be doing than being our child's primary caregiver. No one will love your children like you will. I'm jealous of how much time she gets to spend with them while I work. I wish I was in that position, because they grow up entirely too quickly. [img]http://www.darkside.org/~haley/images/Christmas-Melissa-Haley.jpg[/img] That's my wife and our daughter Haley. [img]http://www.darkside.org/~joey/images/chillin1.jpg[/img] And that's Joseph III. God Bless Texas and children
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 8:40:39 AM EDT
Hey Eric the Hun, Funny thing, my name is Erik and my son Garrett was born in May. Planerench out.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 8:47:28 AM EDT
You bet I'd do it again. We go hunting and camping together. Last night we watched the Three Stooges together. The simple pleasures in life are the best--that includes children. 357mag
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 9:21:59 AM EDT
One important thing: If we want to keep our rights and freedoms, we have to out-breed the ACLU, HCI, MMM and other traitor-coward types. If we keep going the way we are with raising our children PC, Haiti will be able to invade the US and win.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 9:44:27 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 9:50:58 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/7/2001 9:52:15 AM EDT by Hellraiser]
I have 3 kids and I would definately do it all over again. Children really add the "family" to your relationship. Sure they can be a pain in the ass, cuts down on the sex life, can't run off to any event you want to go to without major planning and baby sitters, etc. But they are worth it. Nothing compares to the feeling I get when my 2 year old hellraiser son runs up to me when I get home from work and says "Hi da-da" and gives me a big hug, or when my 8 month old daughter just looks and smiles at me, or the feeling of taking my 7 year old out for his first hunting & fishing camping trip. It's absolutely priceless. My wife and I waited 5 years before having our first, we were happy and did whatever we wanted but it just felt like something was missing, the children definately filled that missing feeling. Edited to add: Having children really show you what's important in life, it's about love and family, everything else is just BS.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 9:52:58 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 10:06:26 AM EDT
Would I do it again? Well, since I AM doing it again...here goes: Yes I would. We got married almost 28 years ago and have two grown children. I spent most of those years in the Navy so I considered every moment spent with the family very important. The wife did most of the heavy lifting and single parenting and I think she did a wonderful job. For the last four years, we have been raising our two grandchildren. Although our son does live with us…he has pretty much left the child rearing to us. The grandkids are just as much fun as our kids were…in fact more so since the Boss and I have a lot more experience and patience this time around. I am really having fun with my two-year-old runaway truck. Last week he got to go to the range and ‘shoot’ his daddy’s Garand and M1A. Told me all about it very matter-of-factly too. The almost five-year-old girl can be a sassy brat sometimes but most of the time she is really sweet and a real prize. What I do find difficult is the physical limitations placed upon us because of our age. Doing this after the half-century mark can be rather difficult at times. On the other hand…they do keep you hopping. Yea…I’d do it again. Raising kids can be very difficult at times…but very rewarding too. Aim small...miss small [>]:)] [0:)]
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 10:18:20 AM EDT
Have a 6 yr old boy and 7 yr old girl that are 10 1/2 months apart. Suggest you don't have them that close, I still catch hell every so often (yeah i know it takes two to tango but anywho). Both were "surprises", other than the initial 'oh $%^& what are we going to do' I have never ever had a regret. They will change your life quite drastically but in a way that you never yearn for the way it used to be. Yes they are not cheap, but they are worth every penny. A very cool thing about 2-4 yr old kids, they are seeing things for the first time. Through their perspective you get to see things for the first time again also. Heck, when was the last time you spent a whole minute looking closeup at a crack in the sidewalk? Try it sometime, its a whole new world. As they get 5 and older they get more like us adults, been there done that. But you now get to see them as little adults. You don't hold their hand through everything anymore, you are more of a guide. They will test the limits (and continue to). The great thing about kids is waiting to see what they do next and being there to share it with them.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 10:22:16 AM EDT
Children are so wonderful, it is not really possible to express how great they are. Likewise, children are so hard, it is not possible to express how difficult they are. Your life will be over, because your life bascially becomes theirs. Be prepared for that kind of sacrifice, but it is a price worth paying many times over. If I could go back in time, would I have my kids? Certainly. Their existance and happiness is simply more important that mine. -imposter, father of three.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 10:52:57 AM EDT
Originally Posted By imposter: Your life will be over, because your life bascially becomes theirs. Be prepared for that kind of sacrifice, but it is a price worth paying many times over. If I could go back in time, would I have my kids? Certainly. Their existance and happiness is simply more important that mine.
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Amen to that. We were still pretty mobile with just one. We flew to Las Vegas twice and San Diego once when it was just us and our little girl. I'd go off for training for long periods of time and take them with me because I didn't want to be away from them. We also took lots of road trips to Austin and Dallas to visit friends with her as well. Now that we've got two, we're much less mobile, but I'm really beginning to enjoy life at home anyway. As soon as the home theater is finished I'll be happy to spend all my time at home. God Bless Texas
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 2:21:27 PM EDT
If you wife is going to be the primary care giver I think your child desirves more than 2 yrs of care before you send it off to be raised by strangers. If she's not willing to dump the carreer and go part time to co-inside with the kids school schedule then you are not commited enough. We don't need no more latchkey kids raised by liberal day care facilities. It's not a pupply it needs more than 2 yrs to be fully developed. Were you raised by babysitter or by a mother? You want the same or less for your child? Ask me in about 4 yrs. I have a 14yr old girl now and I highly reccomend male children at this time.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 2:49:33 PM EDT
Definitely one of the more worthwhile posts I have seen in a long time. Kids?? YES. I have SIX, and now that they are getting older and ready to leave, I wish that I had more! Be prepared for your wife to never work when there are kids in the home. Mother BELONG at home, nuturing and rearing their children. cheers tire iron
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 5:59:44 PM EDT
Heres some wisdom, not advice mind you... I have eight children. My oldest son is 18 and frequents this site more than I do. Followed by 6 girls, and then a boy thats 2. Sometimes I look around the living room and think to myself, Wow, that's alot of kids! And at other times I think, hey - 8 isn't really that many. This is the point that I'm trying to make. My wife and I have a very committed relationship, not just with each other, bu with God as the head of the family. We homeschool, no TV in our home (except for Dad's news). We aren't what most people would call "fundemental", but we aren't mainstream either. We do acknowledge that God has ordained a plan for us in our lives, and that it includes 8 children right now. I don't have alot to say about it since I tried to tell God 15 years ago that I only wanted 2 kids, but I guess he wasn't listening. Or as it turns out, I wasn't. You follow your heart Brother...If you are blessed with children, 1 or more, then you are blessed. If God turns your gifts in another direction, then you are blessed with gifts for another purpose, what that purpose is isn't ours to know, only yours. I hope you'll show this post to your wife and come to an understanding that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. This isn't a religous rant, you asked and I've just told you, it's where I'm at, and if you're not, maybe you should try it. AMP
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 6:01:44 PM EDT
I thought about posting their pics before...may as well now... The two older daughters (a couple years ago): [img]http://www.southwick.org/2/c1c2molly.jpg[/img] Recent pic of the baby: [img]http://www.southwick.org/2/sisters/cuteportrait08-11-01.jpg[/img]
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 6:17:10 PM EDT
Originally Posted By sgtar15: One word: [b]YES[/b] Even on my worst days there is nothing better then coming home to kids that love their father and is a hero to them. One of the two best memories in my life was teaching my kids to ride a bike and how to shoot. If I could afford it I would have ten kids, wife still thinks she has another boy inside her just waiting to get out!! You mentioned that you were in good shape financially, so let me say this. If you do have kids please have one of you stay home at all times at least until he/she is school age(6/7). Even then a parent should be home when the kid gets home. Kids need a parent to be with them when they grow up, not a day care worker. It provides security, love and trust. Plus they won't have some commie liberal pushing their beliefs on [b]your[/b] child. I don't mean to preach but I feel strongly about this and believe a child's needs should take presidence over one's career,money, and all else. My .02 centss so take it for what it's worth. sgtar15
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DITTO!!! What sgtar15 says is EXACTLY how I feel. My wife and I have 4 girls... ages: 9, 6, 19mos, and 6mos. The wife stays home with the kids, and I work. I FLAT REFUSE to do the daycare thing. We are getting by OK, and I'd rather struggle financially, than have somebody else raise my kids... Call it old fashioned, but that's just the way it should be. Like sgtar15 stated, I also feel VERY STRONGLY about this... If we could afford more kids, I think we'd probably have 10 of them...
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 7:04:11 PM EDT
I have been married 19 years, have a son 15, and a daughter 7. I would not trade the experience for a bank vault full of AR15's! Just make sure you go into it knowing that your life WILL BE DIFFERENT. It was a big adjustment for me. I was used to jumping up on a Saturday morning, loading up my wife in about twenty minutes and heading off to the beach or mountains or wherever. Adding one kid will not only triple your prep time, but limit where and when you can go at all. A lot of other things too, but do not let money be the deciding factor. I could be a lot better off right now financially without kids; do not be deceived, it costs real hard dollars to raise even a small family. But the emotional rewards are worth it.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 7:04:54 PM EDT
First of all I would like to thank all of you for your honest and personal personal replies as I can clearly see that they were from your heart. I guess I’m not surprised by your answers and I know my parents would have replied in similar way. When I wrote the original post yesterday I never expected so many replies because I wrote it more for myself than to see what kind of replies I would get. It was a wonderful surprise for me this afternoon. This morning my wife and I talked some more and we are both committed 100% to having our first child as soon as possible. When we were engaged we talked about our future family and how many children we would have and we both always agreed that 3 or 4 would be perfect. We still feel the same. We are now going to give one years to have the first and if it does not happen we will adopt a child but will continue to try to have our own. Several close members of our families have adopted children and they are wonderful. Before leaving the house we both made appointments with our doctors for next week to get a complete physical exam. We have also decided that my wife would stay home to care for the baby during the first 2-3 years and then she will return to work and I would stay home for 2-3 years (I don’t want her to have all the fun[:D]). When the child starts school I will go back to work and our parents would help to care for the child after school. Both of our parents and my brother’s family all live within 2 miles from here and they are all anxiously waiting for us to have a kid. My parents will both be retired within next 1-2 years and my in-laws work the night shift so there will be plenty of family members around to help. Who knows, perhaps my wife will never go back to corporate world and just work from the house (or maybe I’ll stay home permanently). This evening my wife and I were trying to decide which bedroom would be the nursery and what color/decoration would be nice, etc. You know… woman’s kind of thing. I told her one should be the nursery, second one should be the play room, the third should be the bedroom and the forth should be the spare bedroom in case we have twins [:D] At least that is the plan for now but who knows what God has planned for us. Again, I want to thank all of you for such honest replies. Ps. As I’m typing this, my wife is on her computer across the table reading this post (I told her about it during dinner) with a smile on her face and a little tear of joy.
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 7:18:28 PM EDT
It is amazing what a child can do to someone!!! I did not want children when my wife and I got married and she knew this. She didn't want any at the time as she was in her 3rd year of college. But it happened!!! Our daughter is now 5 months old and I don't know what I ever did without her!!!
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 7:23:52 PM EDT
Whether you have a 'home grown' or adopted child, if the child is wanted, it will be a blessing to you. The important issue is that the child is loved and wanted. If Mom can stay home until kindergarten or 1st grade, it is to the family's benefit. Really. May I suggest that there are part time jobs available for women during school hours? (IF a 2nd paycheck is necessary...but weight the cost of clothes, lunches, transportation, fatigue, etc). BTW My son is now a Senior in HS and I've chosen to be here when he comes home, again. Fortunately we are financially able to do this. Methinks having a parent at home at the end of the school day makes a tremendous difference to the kids. His friends think so too...and I'd rather have the gang here than somewhere else. With all good wishes, Possum Killer
Link Posted: 9/7/2001 7:34:41 PM EDT
Practice practice practice. To bad that never worked for me. I just get close to the wife and presto- new tax deduction. I've got six, 50/50 split. Ain't got much money-but bragg'in that I've got. Children are a blessing from God. Go for it!
Link Posted: 9/8/2001 9:01:50 AM EDT
Both times we had sex we had kids! Not bad for 21.5 years of wedded bliss. RELAX and don't care and it will happen.
Link Posted: 9/8/2001 9:13:57 AM EDT
My 16 month old son was a surprise; so the spring wedding happened in the fall. I'd give up everything I have (wife included) before him. You'll hear it from everyone who has children that "you won't understand until you hold your own" & will also find out that NOTHING compares to the joy of watching them sleep, walk for the first time, call you "daddy" for the first time... Go for it, my brother, I can assure you you have no idea what you're really missing.
Link Posted: 9/8/2001 9:21:51 AM EDT
You will not experience pure joy until you hold your new child for the first time. I was lucky enough to be in the OR(my wife had C-sections) for my first 2 kids. I got to the hospital just as our third was born. Pure joy, pure frustration. The joy outweighs the frustration/worry.
Link Posted: 9/8/2001 9:24:46 AM EDT
I became a father at 19. Very unexpected and very unwanted. After screwing up very badly, I have been given a second chance to be a DAD to her(She's 9 now and we've had a great relationship for 5 years). Now, I am married to her mother and we are expecting a new addition about 8 months from now. Sometimes I think kids can help you realize what a complete asshole you are and show you the way to fix it. If you are unable to have kids, adopt some. I only regret letting so many good years get away from me.
Link Posted: 9/9/2001 10:18:10 PM EDT
It's nice to see respect and value being placed on children here. We have one, our daughter. I've been home with her for the past eight years. When it's your turn to stay at home, be prepared. It was one of the most difficult times in my life. I was raised to believe that the man goes to work, the wife stays home. My wife makes more money than I ever will. We chose the financial incentive of her working instead. I've had my times when I'd go back to work and our daughter went to daycare. Thankfully these were short term, & I stayed home after the jobs were done. After eight years I can say that we did the right thing, and it would have been just as right for my wife to stay home. I've gotten the experience most men never get. I feel extremely fortunate, you will too. My wife luckily has a schedule that gives her more days off than other folks so while she missed out on as much "home-time" (not very easy for her), our daughter has been predominantely raised at home. We also had our girl when we were 33 & 38 years old. I used to shoe horses for a friend, an Alaskan State Trooper who was thinking of retiring. His son was 17, he and his wife were in their mid 40's. One day he walks into the barn and announces they are going to have a baby! Beautiful little girl. After the shock, you never saw him without his girl and a smile on his face. Don't worry about being too old. Last thing. Don't put pressure on yourselves to produce a child. Keep trying, but don't make it a goal you HAVE to reach. I believe people get too stressed out "working" too hard on having a baby. This is hard mentally, and I feel, physically. There are other routes to follow, i.e. fertility clinics, adoption, etc. Use any spiritual beliefs you may have. Just don't make it a "Pass/Fail" kinda test.
Link Posted: 9/9/2001 11:54:51 PM EDT
Been married for 9 1/2 years. Had a daughter after 1 year and a son after another 3. I have no regrets. A lot of frustration, joy, anger, happiness, tears, and a whole lot of little things that make life interesting. It's funny though, I can hear my parents in my head as I'm talking to my kids. [;)]
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