I hate those PETA asshats, so I filled out this questionaire pretending that I have a dead pet cockatiel.  I don't actually own any birds.

Link

1. When did you purchase your bird and from which store location?  
  Just over a week.  Salt Lake City location.  

2. What kind of bird did you purchase? What is your bird’s name?  
  A Cockatiel.  His name is Cocky the Cockatiel.  

3. How old was your bird at the time of purchase? Did the bird require hand-feeding?  
  Three Months.  He didn't used to, but he refuses to eat lately so I have to take the bird seed and put it in his mouth and close his beak.  

4. Was your bird sick or injured at the time of purchase?  
No, he was fine.  He kept staring at me though.  It was eerie.  

5. What kind of paperwork did you receive from PetSmart?      
A reciept and feeding instructions.  

6. Do you know the name of the breeder or supplier your bird came from?  
  No  

7. How long have you had your bird?  
  Just over a week.  Didn't we cover this in question #1?  

8. If you had to give away or sell your bird, please briefly explain why and where your bird went.  
  He has always stayed here in the box he came in.  

9. Has your bird suffered from any behavioral problems, such as feather plucking, head bobbing, biting, etc.? If so, how have you addressed these problems? Have your efforts been successful?  
  He sleeps a lot during the day, I think he's just noctural though. Sometimes I will stand him up, but he always lays back down.  

10. Did you feel that the PetSmart staff members you dealt with were knowledgeable about birds? What were you told about caging birds as opposed to giving them free run of the house? What were you told about having more than one bird to prevent loneliness?  
  I don't know if they were knowledgable or not.  I saw one that looked cute and just got it without asking any questions.
Flying around?!  Are you kidding me?  My mom would kill me if she knew I had a bird!  Flying around the house is definitely out of the question!  Besides, his wings are clipped.  He can't fly.

11. How much time does your bird spend in a cage? How big is the cage?  
  See question # 8.  I think the box is about 4X4X4 inches.  


I'm halfway expecting a visit from the ASPCA.  

Maybe I’ll do one about buying a chicken to cook.

Quoted: Maybe I’ll do one about buying a chicken to cook.

That would be hilarious!  Please do it!

Quoted: I hate those PETA asshats, so I filled out this questionaire pretending that I have a dead pet cockatiel.  I don't actually own any birds. Link 1. When did you purchase your bird and from which store location?

1'; drop table 'user';

yeah, i can be a jerk.

All I had to see on that link was:
"Bill Maher Speaks Out for California Dogs"


When you live in your own manufactured reality, it shows the world how ignorant you are when you voice your opinion.

A Norwegian Blue.  Lovely plumage.

This bird is dead!

No it's not.  It's resting.


Bilster

1. Last year. Schaumburg.
 
2. Cockatiel.  Dinner.
   
3. Don't know.
   
4. No
   
5. Not much.
   
6. No
   
7. Few days
   
8. Used him as a feeder for my boa.
   
9. see above
   
10. yes
   
11. no cage, see above
   

Quoted: Quoted: Maybe I’ll do one about buying a chicken to cook. That would be hilarious!  Please do it!

You can also tell them that you are prepping the bird for next season's cockfighting tournament. And you're going to use the winnings to send your kids to college!

1. When did you purchase your bird and from which store location?
  Feb 14, 2006 Lexington, KY

2. What kind of bird did you purchase? What is your bird’s name?
  African Grey Parrot

3. How old was your bird at the time of purchase? Did the bird require hand-feeding?
  About 12 weeks. No, used a knife and fork.

4. Was your bird sick or injured at the time of purchase?
  No

5. What kind of paperwork did you receive from PetSmart?
  Just a the receipt and receipe.

6. Do you know the name of the breeder or supplier your bird came from?
  No

7. How long have you had your bird?
  6 weeks

8. If you had to give away or sell your bird, please briefly explain why and where your bird went.
  After all its feathers fell out, I fried it up. Mmmm! Very tasty, but a little stringy and slightly
        gamey. I really hated when it started to swear at me as I dropped it into the oil.  

9. Has your bird suffered from any behavioral problems, such as feather plucking, head bobbing, biting, etc.? If so, how have you addressed these problems? Have your efforts been successful?
  The bird, well, not any more, but it did keep pissing me off. It kept calling my wife by my girlfriend's name.  Can you help with The Wife though?...Not so much the feather plucking, but definately a lot of head bobboing and biting. Had to slap the bitch to get her to do it right.

10. Did you feel that the PetSmart staff members you dealt with were knowledgeable about birds? What were you told about caging birds as opposed to giving them free run of the house? What were you told about having more than one bird to prevent loneliness?
  They were great. Gave me the recipe.

11. How much time does your bird spend in a cage? How big is the cage?
    Didn't need a cage. Had a Fry Daddy.


Your Name
    Col. Sanders

Quoted: 1. When did you purchase your bird and from which store location?   Feb 14, 2006 Lexington, KY 2. What kind of bird did you purchase? What is your bird’s name?   African Grey Parrot 3. How old was your bird at the time of purchase? Did the bird require hand-feeding?   About 12 weeks. No, used a knife and fork. 4. Was your bird sick or injured at the time of purchase?   No 5. What kind of paperwork did you receive from PetSmart?   Just a the receipt and receipe. 6. Do you know the name of the breeder or supplier your bird came from?   No 7. How long have you had your bird?   6 weeks 8. If you had to give away or sell your bird, please briefly explain why and where your bird went.   After all its feathers fell out, I fried it up. Mmmm! Very tasty, but a little stringy and slightly         gamey. I really hated when it started to swear at me as I dropped it into the oil.   9. Has your bird suffered from any behavioral problems, such as feather plucking, head bobbing, biting, etc.? If so, how have you addressed these problems? Have your efforts been successful?   The bird, well, not any more, but it did keep pissing me off. It kept calling my wife by my girlfriend's name.  Can you help with The Wife though?...Not so much the feather plucking, but definately a lot of head bobboing and biting. Had to slap the bitch to get her to do it right. 10. Did you feel that the PetSmart staff members you dealt with were knowledgeable about birds? What were you told about caging birds as opposed to giving them free run of the house? What were you told about having more than one bird to prevent loneliness?   They were great. Gave me the recipe. 11. How much time does your bird spend in a cage? How big is the cage?     Didn't need a cage. Had a Fry Daddy. Your Name     Col. Sanders

PETA



People

Eating

Tasty

Animals

Penn and Teller's Bullshit on PETA is a must see