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Posted: 4/5/2006 6:21:13 PM EDT
This would actually happen. (its probably old and its probably a dupe but I have not seen it before and I bet others have not as well.)

My wife emailed me this today.


WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?


My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.


Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.


I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.



A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.


Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.


Oh, by the way, the United Statesis abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.


We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska- which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.


It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."



Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 6:22:09 PM EDT
agntsa.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 6:44:11 PM EDT
....you posted original sh-t.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 8:26:07 PM EDT
I would definetly vote for the president who followed that doctrine!!
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 8:30:04 PM EDT
My thoughts exactly!!!

oh, and IBNT
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 8:33:58 PM EDT
IBN_T
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 8:34:44 PM EDT
while I like this alot, I think I got this sometime in '03.

but I do like it alot..

--VT
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 8:37:23 PM EDT
hooray for pointless chain emails!
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 8:39:46 PM EDT

Originally Posted By JaredB:

... Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska- which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come.






Of all the really retarded things in that email, that has to be the most retarded.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 8:45:44 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/5/2006 8:46:51 PM EDT by JohnTheTexican]

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:

Originally Posted By JaredB:

... Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska- which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come.






Of all the really retarded things in that email, that has to be the most retarded.




Better watch it. With that Mountie uniform, people are gonna think you're on list 2.
Link Posted: 4/5/2006 8:47:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By JohnTheTexican:

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:

Originally Posted By JaredB:

... Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska- which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come.






Of all the really retarded things in that email, that has to be the most retarded.




Better watch it, Dutch Boy. You're on list 2.




We're totally on List 1 - unlike those Bulgarian and Spanish pussies that jumped on the bandwagon AFTER the fact.

Link Posted: 4/5/2006 8:48:35 PM EDT
IBme

IBTL

dupe

what else am i missing?
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