I have always had problems with friends - namely that I don't keep them long or tolerate fair-weather friends. For alot of my life, I couldn't be more friend-less if I had bolts in my neck but getting into guns did change that for the better. I found alot of friends and made some of the best acquaintences I've ever had.
But, with that I also find that people are people and some of the gun friends I have turned out to be the same kind of disposable buddy I had when I was in other social circles and it makes me realize that probably i'm the problem because I keep finding the same folks over and over again.
It made me think hard about what it means to be a friend, or what it means to me. What do I want or expect from a friend, and what am I willing to be as a friend?
So, here's my thoughts....add yours!
1. A good friend is empathetic. If you can't imagine the consequences or results of your actions on your friend, good or bad, then you're a shitty friend. I try hard to put myself in the shoes of my friend....I think everyone should.
2. A good friend doesn't bring the chaos of his or her life into yours. I don't recall a time in my life where I burdened a friend with the turbulence in my life....something I'm proud of, but I recall a whole lot of crap that someone brought to my door, or screwed up my life with.
3. A good friend doesn't attempt, even unwittingly, to sabotage his friends happiness. This is self-explanatory.
4. A good friend shows propriety towards his friends girlfriend/wife/signifigant other. Is it wrong to come by my house when I'm gone and talk to my wife? No, she's an adult and I trust her. But, I don't trust a man who does this as habit, because it shows complete disregard for me and my wife's relationship....even if his intentions aren't purile. It's old fashioned, I know, but it's a societal rule that makes sense. Don't come knocking when the rooster is out of the hen-house... and I won't do it to you.
5. A good friend finds a way to hang out with his buddy. I lose more friends to lack of spine than any other reason. I have married friends, or guys who have girlfriends or kids who are literally a slave to that and will not do things they want to do (by their own admission) because they're afraid of trouble at home. If you can't spare 2 hours a week to hang out with a friend doing what you profess is your hobby, your life is FUCKED. I have a wife, and a child, and love spending time with them but I don't hesitate to spend an afternoon shooting with my buddies. And, my wife is happy to have a husband who does this. That's not unhealthy, is it?
6. This goes with #5, a good friend isn't a weasel. If you are supposed to meet your friend for lunch, and don't show or call to explain why, you're a shitty friend. This ties in with #1. Do you like sitting in a bar waiting for your unreliable friends? No, no one likes that, so don't fucking do it to someone else. I used to have a friend who would call before something we had planned and literally say "I'm on my way out the door" and I swear that shitbag wouldn't show. Lived 10 minutes away, and he'd weasel-out like that. People shouldn't have to wait for you to not show up.
7. Good friends don't inject your relationships with doubts because THEIR relationships suck. Self-explanatory.
8. Good friends bring back shit they borrowed. Seriously.
9. Good friends do not sexualize their partners to their friends. This is the most destructive, counter-intuitive impulse people have. I have many friends, and not one of them can tell you sexual secrets about my life. Wanna know why? I don't want a single man I hang out with to have sexual imagery of my wife....especially not ones I GIVE HIM. Duh. And, conversely, I don't want to see my buddy's wives or girlfriends in that way. Danger Will Robinson. Danger.
10. Good friends listen, butt out, and give tough advice when its needed. And, most importantly, they know that a good friendship is like a cat - you never really tell it what to do, rely on it too much, and can let it alone for a long time and it will come back when its hungry.