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Posted: 4/4/2006 1:48:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/4/2006 2:22:21 AM EDT by swingset]
I have always had problems with friends - namely that I don't keep them long or tolerate fair-weather friends. For alot of my life, I couldn't be more friend-less if I had bolts in my neck but getting into guns did change that for the better. I found alot of friends and made some of the best acquaintences I've ever had.

But, with that I also find that people are people and some of the gun friends I have turned out to be the same kind of disposable buddy I had when I was in other social circles and it makes me realize that probably i'm the problem because I keep finding the same folks over and over again.

It made me think hard about what it means to be a friend, or what it means to me. What do I want or expect from a friend, and what am I willing to be as a friend?

So, here's my thoughts....add yours!

1. A good friend is empathetic. If you can't imagine the consequences or results of your actions on your friend, good or bad, then you're a shitty friend. I try hard to put myself in the shoes of my friend....I think everyone should.

2. A good friend doesn't bring the chaos of his or her life into yours. I don't recall a time in my life where I burdened a friend with the turbulence in my life....something I'm proud of, but I recall a whole lot of crap that someone brought to my door, or screwed up my life with.

3. A good friend doesn't attempt, even unwittingly, to sabotage his friends happiness. This is self-explanatory.

4. A good friend shows propriety towards his friends girlfriend/wife/signifigant other. Is it wrong to come by my house when I'm gone and talk to my wife? No, she's an adult and I trust her. But, I don't trust a man who does this as habit, because it shows complete disregard for me and my wife's relationship....even if his intentions aren't purile. It's old fashioned, I know, but it's a societal rule that makes sense. Don't come knocking when the rooster is out of the hen-house... and I won't do it to you.

5. A good friend finds a way to hang out with his buddy. I lose more friends to lack of spine than any other reason. I have married friends, or guys who have girlfriends or kids who are literally a slave to that and will not do things they want to do (by their own admission) because they're afraid of trouble at home. If you can't spare 2 hours a week to hang out with a friend doing what you profess is your hobby, your life is FUCKED. I have a wife, and a child, and love spending time with them but I don't hesitate to spend an afternoon shooting with my buddies. And, my wife is happy to have a husband who does this. That's not unhealthy, is it?

6. This goes with #5, a good friend isn't a weasel. If you are supposed to meet your friend for lunch, and don't show or call to explain why, you're a shitty friend. This ties in with #1. Do you like sitting in a bar waiting for your unreliable friends? No, no one likes that, so don't fucking do it to someone else. I used to have a friend who would call before something we had planned and literally say "I'm on my way out the door" and I swear that shitbag wouldn't show. Lived 10 minutes away, and he'd weasel-out like that. People shouldn't have to wait for you to not show up.

7. Good friends don't inject your relationships with doubts because THEIR relationships suck. Self-explanatory.

8. Good friends bring back shit they borrowed. Seriously.

9. Good friends do not sexualize their partners to their friends. This is the most destructive, counter-intuitive impulse people have. I have many friends, and not one of them can tell you sexual secrets about my life. Wanna know why? I don't want a single man I hang out with to have sexual imagery of my wife....especially not ones I GIVE HIM. Duh. And, conversely, I don't want to see my buddy's wives or girlfriends in that way. Danger Will Robinson. Danger.

10. Good friends listen, butt out, and give tough advice when its needed. And, most importantly, they know that a good friendship is like a cat - you never really tell it what to do, rely on it too much, and can let it alone for a long time and it will come back when its hungry.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 1:57:13 AM EDT
Friends foot the bill once in a while. Or just don't incessantly freeload.

Friends pay you back money they owe you.

Friends don't puss out on plans for their g/f's overrated pussy.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 2:13:29 AM EDT
Another very good post, Swingset.

I'd like to add: Friends don't gossip about friends either.

If you have a friend that ALWAYS has dramatic stories about their other "friends," WATCH your back.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 2:25:43 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/4/2006 2:26:31 AM EDT by swingset]

Originally Posted By 4xDawn:
Another very good post, Swingset.

I'd like to add: Friends don't gossip about friends either.

If you have a friend that ALWAYS has dramatic stories about their other "friends," WATCH your back.



That reminds me of a story my wife told me.

She was doing some craft thing with all her friends, about 5 of them, all sitting around a table. They're talking, having a good time, etc. When one would get up from the table to do something, go to the bathroom etc., the remaning 4 would start in on her, "I can't believe she's blah blah blah...."

Then, when she'd return, they'd go into "friendly" mode, talk nice for a bit and this scene would repeat for each friend that got up and left.

After a while someone said "Hey Debra, what's the matter you look uncomfortable?"

The wife goes "Well, I am, I have to pee so bad I'm about to die but there's no fucking way I'm getting up from this table so you guys can talk shit about me when I'm gone".

Gotta love her.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 2:42:09 AM EDT
To slow teh zombies down, 'cause I run pretty fast...
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 2:45:06 AM EDT
A friend is someone you would donate a kidney to. I have a 3 friends...more than most people.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 4:04:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By HillBillySasquatch:
A friend is someone you would donate a kidney to.



That confirms it, I have no friends.


Link Posted: 4/4/2006 4:24:15 AM EDT
Good post, a lot of wisdom in it. Thanks swingset.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 4:30:24 AM EDT
Dooga dooga do dooga do do do....

So no one told you life was gonna be this waaaayay
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.....
It's like you're always stuck in second geeeeeeear,
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
Or even your yeeeear....

I'll be there for you!
When the rain starts to pour!
I'll be there for you!
Like I been there before!
I'll be there for you!
'Cause you're there for me tooooooowoo!!

Still in bed at ten, at work again at eight
Burned your breakfast so far, things are going great!
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
But she didn't tell you when the world has brought
You down to your kneeeez that

I'll be there for you!
When the rain starts to pour!
I'll be there for you!
Like I been there before!
I'll be there for you!
'Cause you're there for me tooooooowoo!!
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:01:15 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
I have always had problems with friends - namely that I don't keep them long or tolerate fair-weather friends.



I have many aquaintances and very few friends.

A big eye opener for me was when I got cancer, that really shows you who your friends are. It was like *tap* *tap* "hello, is this thing on?" And people who I'd never have expected, who I didn't even really like were the ones who stepped forwards.

My two best friends are both men; and one of them is my husband.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:10:40 AM EDT
I haev no friends; only "associates."
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:25:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/4/2006 5:27:03 AM EDT by 3rdStreet]
I have 4 very close friends and a couple "friends." The very close friends you do anything for no matter what.



HAHA....my post per day is the same as my birthday......2.28. Just wanted to share that little known fact.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:26:16 AM EDT
they really don't mean much to me frankly.

my family and my wife mean teh world to me but as far as friends i've never had anyone i could really rely on.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:28:23 AM EDT
If you can't double-cross your friends, who can you double-cross?
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:35:10 AM EDT
A friend will be honest with you, even if it is something you don't want to hear.

A friend will not lie to you or string you along.



I like the statement about a friendship being like a cat - that is pretty deep there, but very true.


I can't recall how many times I've gone out of my way to do nice things, bend over backwards, overlook shit, foot the bill, be ultra-responsible about borrowed things or money, and I NEVER get the same in return. I've lost count of the times where the term "A good deed never goes unpunished" has come from my lips in relation to some "friends."

Other than my wife (my best friend in the world) I only have one really true friend in the world, and I've known him for over 20 years. Everyone else is some form of associate on an often-sliding scale.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:39:26 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Greywolf2112:
A friend will be honest with you, even if it is something you don't want to hear.

A friend will not lie to you or string you along.

I can't recall how many times I've gone out of my way to do nice things, bend over backwards, overlook shit, foot the bill, be ultra-responsible about borrowed things or money, and I NEVER get the same in return. I've lost count of the times where the term "A good deed never goes unpunished" has come from my lips in relation to some "friends."

Other than my wife (my best friend in the world) I only have one really true friend in the world, and I've known him for over 20 years. Everyone else is some form of associate on an often-sliding scale.


Yep.

Over the last year I've had to recalibrate what my definition of "friend" is. Call it a "market correction" if you will.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:40:33 AM EDT
An acquaintance will help you move.

A friend will help you move a body.

Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:43:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Greywolf2112:

I can't recall how many times I've gone out of my way to do nice things, bend over backwards, overlook shit, foot the bill, be ultra-responsible about borrowed things or money, and I NEVER get the same in return. I've lost count of the times where the term "A good deed never goes unpunished" has come from my lips in relation to some "friends."




Same here.

I finally wrote off everyone that didn't reciprocate at some level and I'm much happier.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:43:18 AM EDT
A good friend will help you move.

A BEST friend will help you move a body.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:44:00 AM EDT
A friend with weed, is a friend indeed
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:44:40 AM EDT
Heheh,

Every once in a while, a voice of common reason pokes up from the muck of web-egos.

A friend is someone you would donate a kidney to.

Sic 'em Hillbilly! Friends ain't about money or social graces. They're about sticking in the hard times.

Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:45:06 AM EDT
Very few friends here... many accquiantinces.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:46:37 AM EDT
I have a lot of friends. So many, I got friends I havent even used yet.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 5:53:35 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
2. A good friend doesn't bring the chaos of his or her life into yours. I don't recall a time in my life where I burdened a friend with the turbulence in my life....something I'm proud of, but I recall a whole lot of crap that someone brought to my door, or screwed up my life with.



I don't think that this is necessarily true. I think it is the opposite. A good friend is one that is willing to listen to the turbulence in your life and try to help out.

The people that I regard as my closest friends are willing to trust me with anything that is going on in their life and I pride myself with being able to try to help them through whatever difficult situation they are going through to the best of my ability. And, vice versa, I trust that the people that are my closest friends would be willing to hear any major problems that I am going through and would be willing to offer their assistance if they can.

A good friend, however, is not a person who continues to dump their problems onto another friend who has indicated that for whatever reason, they cannot handle the additional problems. A good friend does not make major impositions on other friends.

I consider myself lucky because there are 5 or 6 people that I would put into the category of a good friend and I hope that they regard me in the same manner.
Link Posted: 4/4/2006 12:06:10 PM EDT

Originally Posted By civprod:

Originally Posted By swingset:
2. A good friend doesn't bring the chaos of his or her life into yours. I don't recall a time in my life where I burdened a friend with the turbulence in my life....something I'm proud of, but I recall a whole lot of crap that someone brought to my door, or screwed up my life with.



I don't think that this is necessarily true. I think it is the opposite. A good friend is one that is willing to listen to the turbulence in your life and try to help out.

The people that I regard as my closest friends are willing to trust me with anything that is going on in their life and I pride myself with being able to try to help them through whatever difficult situation they are going through to the best of my ability. And, vice versa, I trust that the people that are my closest friends would be willing to hear any major problems that I am going through and would be willing to offer their assistance if they can.



Chaos as I referred to it is someone who gets you INVOLVED in their turbulence.

For instance, lies to their wives about being with you, when they're out with another woman.

THAT kind of chaos.

Link Posted: 4/4/2006 12:50:26 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/4/2006 12:51:02 PM EDT by UH_SALT_RIFLE]
Friends will stab you in the back.

<­BR>

True friends will stab you in the chest!
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