So we get these people that call the office every so often that lie and say that they are with the company that we lease our copy machine from. They will usually say they have a problem with their records and that they need to know what the model of our copy machine is. From what I gather, they try to dupe you into buying their expensive toner for your copy machine. If you even hint that you know what they are up to they will hang up immediately. Usually I just say no thanks or tell them sorry and they immediately hang up.

We call them Toner Pirates.

So, I’ve messed with them a few times making “Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” pirate sounds and what not. I asked one lady once outright if she was a pirate. She responded all confused and asked if I was a pirate! Then she hung up. So today we get one call and I say no thanks and get the usual disconnect. Then they call back again and I pretend like I’m going to get the number for the lady on the phone. I then come back and ask “So, how is it that you get a job like this?” She responded like she was VERY insulted and asked annoyingly, “HOW DID YOU GET YOUR JOB?!” And hung up!

Has anybody else heard of or deal with these brainiacs/winners? I'd like some interesting ideas on how to mess with them before they hang up on me.

I get the Toner Pirates calls, and also the Credit Card Machine Supply pirates as well. ...and have you gotten the calls wanting to update your information for the free internet listing that turns into a sales call for selling you an internet listing?


Then we get the Fax machine dialer assaults that dial all of our communications lines at the same time. Try to answer 3 phones at the same time.  ... or did I mention the boiler room calls that give us silence if we don'[t answer the phone on an early enough ring?  ... or the mortgage spam faxes or hot stock spam faxes.

WTF

I canceled my home phone line last year due to constant telemarketers.  At work, all of our phones require that the dialer punch in an extension.  I believe that this greatly reduces the amount of BS that we have to put up with.

Quoted: I get the Toner Pirates calls, and also the Credit Card Machine Supply pirates as well. ...and have you gotten the calls wanting to update your information for the free internet listing that turns into a sales call for selling you an internet listing? Then we get the Fax machine dialer assaults that dial all of our communications lines at the same time. Try to answer 3 phones at the same time.  ... or did I mention the boiler room calls that give us silence if we don'[t answer the phone on an early enough ring?  ... or the mortgage spam faxes or hot stock spam faxes. WTF

Haha those are all well known to me except the Credit Card Machine Supply thing!

I have been getting the internet listing one lately and I finally realized that it was a scam and they were NOT with the yellow pages and told them NO we're not authorizing any charges. We don't want ANY service. You can tell they are from a call center in India or something.

Actually Toner "pirates" are more of a widespread problem then you think.  I work for IKON office solutions and we get quite abit of calls in our customer service center expressing concerns.  Best thing to do is to call your machine provider and inform them of the situation.  For example, IKON has a dedicated team to track down these guys.  I'm not sure if they have caught anyone or what they do about it but I'll try to find that out today while I'm here at work.  

Ask them to hold on for just one second. Then put them on hold until they hang up. Might as well waste their time.

Yes, I've brought this up for discussion before (but it's well worth the discussion).

I hate these guys.  I hate them with a fucking passion.  They can eat the dingleberries from their butt cheeks.  They are the sludge at the bottom of a septic tank.

I've actually had these fuckers threaten me with violence after telling them to fuck off!

So, it has become a game.

I keep them on the line as long as possible, so that they may not fuck with other people.

Make up brands... like Sorny, Panaphonics, and Sumsung machines.  When they can't find that listing, give them fake websites to go to (like tubb girl)

Ask them questions about their toner.  And when you are done, ask them to hang on, and keep coming back every 20 seconds telling them you are moving the machine so you can get the model number.

Keep an air horn by your desk, and blow it into the handset when you are finished to give them a big FUCK YOU.

The best way back at them is to put them on hold ........

 Then whistle very loudly in the phone.

Tell them you dont have a copiers or fax , that will keep them from calling back.

Give them a fake brand and stock # , "Anus Model 1492 Faxmax"

Tell them you are Zarlack , king of  Galactic Nigeria, tremble in fear ,and time is money, due to the failure of the Saturn Ice Mines.

That almost always works.

Most of these people speaky englishy aye?


whatever you do DO NOT SAY the word YES to the people. Even if they are confirming your actual name.
Credit Card Machine Supply Nazi got me once F**king Savages

Weird.  I dealt with these guys about 8 or so years ago when I covered for the copy guy for a week.  Apparently they get around.

I have a copier saleswomen calling me once a week.  If I wasn't married I think we could work out a trade.

My brother gets a lot of these calls. They make a game of it in the office---they keep passing the guy back and forth between the three of them, making up new accents every time they make a change. "Oh, you need to talk to Jose. He handles that." The guy getting the phone has to do a convincing Mexican accent. When "Jose" gets tired he passes off to "Jacques", the French-American chief of Toner. From there he gets passed to the Jamacian VP of Toner Supplies.

We get those calls all the time.

I'm going to get my secretary to put next one through to me.

I think I will get them to send a bunch of all the supplies I need for all my copiers and printers. I have 5 printers and 1 copier.

Then just never pay the invoice. If I never issue a PO for it they are fucked anyway.

Damn........I like that idea.

Quoted: We get those calls all the time. I'm going to get my secretary to put next one through to me. I think I will get them to send a bunch of all the supplies I need for all my copiers and printers. I have 5 printers and 1 copier. Then just never pay the invoice. If I never issue a PO for it they are fucked anyway. Damn........I like that idea.

Yeah but it'll probably be chinese crap toners that will fuck up your machines.  Unless of course you order a whole bunch of stuff and send it to those nigerian scammers....

Now that would be funny.  Getting both the scammers to scam each other.

Gotta ask her if ye can smell it next time

Quoted: Gotta ask her if ye can smell it next time

Yeah ask can ye smell be for ye buy it ?????

ARRRR

I get the guys wanting to sell me printer paper for my C/C machine.
A few years ago I had a guy try to tell me he was calling from the company we buy our light bulbs from.  

 We used to place bets on how long they would hold.

I just hang up on them now. No "no thanks", no nothing just click.

 Some just don't get the hint they call back and "we must have gotten disconected".

    Click

I tell them that the model # is GOAWAY. They usually laugh, and hang up. I rarely get called any more!

I could only hope for random sales people to call me... so many fun ideas, and we rarely get unsolicited calls.

On a similar note, I keep getting emails like this one to my company's general info email address:

DEAR SALES,
 GOOD DAY,IT MY PLEASURE TO BRING TO YOU NOTIFICATION THAT THERE ARE SOME OF YOUR PRODUCT I WILL LIKE  TO PURSHASE IN ORDER . SO KINDLY GET BACK TO ME WITH THE VARIETIES OF PRODUCT YOU HAVE IN STOCK OR WEBSITE,THEN I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF YOU   CAN  SHIPPED TO  MY ADDREES BELOW  . VIA  UPS OR DHL  OR FEDEX EXPRESS 3-5 DAYS WITH THE TRACKING NUMBER AND ALSO TO CONFARM IF YOU ACCEPT MY CREDIT CARD AS THE MODE OF PAYMENT. IF THESE ARE ACCEPTABLE  BEFORE I GO AHEAD  WITH THE ORDER. SO I WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR REPLY SOON
  REGARED

Who the hell would actually try to sell to this guy?

Quoted: On a similar note, I keep getting emails like this one to my company's general info email address: DEAR SALES, ....   REGARED Who the hell would actually try to sell to this guy?

Ooo, Another scame I've seen:

People sending FAKE INVOICES!   These mother fuckers expect us to pay bills that don't exist.

Fortunately they like to send self addressed envelopes - which get taped to some mild steel scrap laying around.  

CC , fax and copier  about 3-4 times a year

you guys ever get the "yellow page address confirmation" ?
Its for the national yellow pages you confirm your address and then  they mail you a copy of the thing with a $75 bill


these people are the lowest of the low

i got hit on the credit card machine  tape  when i was 16 and did not know better while working at my folks store

Had this happen to me a number of years ago about printer ribbons when I working IT for a travel agency.

Really busy day.  In the middle of 8,000 things all of them critical and/or annoying.  Got a call from a guy purporting to be a rep from our airline reservation system and indicating that we had a number of ribbons "due" us.  I said "fine" not even getting a twitch on the old clue meter.

About a week later I get a call from Accounts Payable asking who gets billed for the TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS WORTH OF PRINTER RIBBONS.    The scammers had sent a box of ribbons and invoiced us for about TEN TIMES the amount the ribbons were worth.  The invoice was a nastygram as well, indicating that payment was due immediately or "legal action would be taken" (or words to the effect).

I made a call to our CRS rep, verified it was a scam and they had nothing to do with it then sat down and typed up a "Take your fucking ribbons back, shove them up your ass sideways you ass raping thieves and if you DARE contact us or any of our branches again I'll have our lawyers wishing you were dead" letter.

Needless to say we never heard a peep out of them ever again.

I get hit via mail with "newsletter" invoices that are past due.  Spent an hour so tracking them down for grins one day.  Had to do some googling and calling one of the rent an office outfits they used as an address.  Spoke with the manager and she gave me some leads as well.   Turned out to be an outfit out of FL that the FL AG is currently  investigating.