User Panel
Posted: 3/21/2006 12:51:31 PM EDT
I need a good laugh, or at least some lines to try out this weekend.
Lets hear some lines the ladies will like. |
|
Wanna play circus? Sit on my face and I'll guess your weight.
|
|
Me: That dress looks great on you. Do you know what would look better on you?
Her: What? Me: Me |
|
"Hey, you're a cute one! Can I have your mom's phone number?" Then they'll be compelled to sleep with you, just to "prove" that they are a real woman. Suckers. |
|
Hey..........nice tooth.
At least that one works up here in Maine. |
|
If you are talking with a chick just stop her mid sentence and say "And why is your top still on"?
Or Do you want to go half on a bastard? |
|
My sister was presented with this classic while visiting Ireland several years ago:
"How would you like a nice, stiff cock in ya?" No sense beating around the bush! |
|
How bout a breakfast date Should I call you or just nudge you?
|
|
Me:Are those space pants?
Her:No. Why? Me:Cause your butt is out of this world. Me:Were you at the post office earlier? No:No. Why? Me:Cause I could have sworn you were checking out my package. |
|
Hey baby, wanna take a ride on the soul train of love with me?
|
|
Want to get a pizza and have some sex?
......What?.....you don't like pizza? Another one that a female friend of my wife said: I am visiting from out of town and I have a place to stay, but my tits don't. Can they go home with you? |
|
I heard my buddy say this one night in a bar:
Him: Do you want to dance? Her: No Him: No, I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. |
|
That is the funniest thing I have ever heard! |
|
|
Its nice to meet you Kristen.
Listen I am not doing anything for about an hour and a half, do you want to go have sex? James |
|
This one works everytime.
If I stand on my wallet, you wouldnt even have to bend over to give a blowjob. You tend to get girls that you wouldnt want to bring home to mother but it works. |
|
My favorite foods are fish tacos and pie. What time do you "open" for dinner?
|
|
"Is your name 'Anne'?"; "HEY 'Heather'! How have you been?"; "Is your name 'Heidi'?" You look JUST like this girl I know...is that YOU 'Diana'?" ;Is your name "Kathy?" ; "OMG!! 'KELLY'! How've you been?" THERE you are 'Steph'!" and on and on...
ONE of these days, somebody is going to guess right. |
|
ME: Excuse me, uh...hi, my name is Winslow, may I ask you a question?
HER: Sure. ME: I saw you from across the room and was taken aback by how amazing your legs are. HER: Uh...thanks, but what's the question? ME: What time do they open? For some reason it's never worked. |
|
Hell bitch, as ugly as you are, who else is go'na ask you to go home with 'em.
|
|
Your name is bob isn't it? Oh... Bobarine. |
|
|
"Excuse me miss, I was wondering if you would lower your standards for a couple of minutes and let me buy you a drink"
Works every time |
|
Why...YES IT IS!! Now when are you going to start paying child support? That usually runs them off. |
||
|
Place your left index finger on top of your upper lip.
Place your thumb at the bottom of your lower lip. Press both lips together. If you're a basketball referee, this signal means "Too many --g--r on the court!". or If you're a football referee, this signal means "Too many --g--r on the field!". Got the joke??? |
|
For use around December....
"Hey darlin, if your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, can we get together between the holidays?" Next time you're in a bar reach in the BACK of her shirt, pull out the tag and pretend to read it... when she asks what you're doing reply "Checking to see if it said 'Made in Heaven'" one my friend used once: "Hey! How about givin me some of that pussy! I KNOW you brought it with you!" and one of my favorites: "Well baby, don't worry about this place being crowded, 'cause as long as I got a face you got a place to sit." |
|
Wow, you look so much more beautiful in person than you do from the bush outside your house through my binoculars.
or Me: Wow, you're beautiful Her: Thank you Me: I bet you can't beat the guys off with a stick Her: Nope Me: That's alright, I prefer a well manicured hand and some lotion! |
|
Gonna have to try that one one of these days. |
|
|
Soon as that belly turns purple with child. |
||
|
My answer: That depends, when are we gonna get busy making some babies? |
|
|
Mmmm ...I love the smell of your perfume. Which magazine did you tear it out of?
|
|
HAHAHA I will have to try that one. |
|
|
(after a beer.....or fifteen) walk up to a hottie: Hey what's up! We partied in (insert place) remember? What's your name again? Right I remeber you! c'mon lets go have a couple more beers.....
It actually works depending on how trashed you both are |
|
Sign up for the ARFCOM weekly newsletter and be entered to win a free ARFCOM membership. One new winner* is announced every week!
You will receive an email every Friday morning featuring the latest chatter from the hottest topics, breaking news surrounding legislation, as well as exclusive deals only available to ARFCOM email subscribers.
AR15.COM is the world's largest firearm community and is a gathering place for firearm enthusiasts of all types.
From hunters and military members, to competition shooters and general firearm enthusiasts, we welcome anyone who values and respects the way of the firearm.
Subscribe to our monthly Newsletter to receive firearm news, product discounts from your favorite Industry Partners, and more.
Copyright © 1996-2024 AR15.COM LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Any use of this content without express written consent is prohibited.
AR15.Com reserves the right to overwrite or replace any affiliate, commercial, or monetizable links, posted by users, with our own.