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Posted: 3/20/2006 10:14:40 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/20/2006 6:30:19 PM EDT by TrollAccount]
Brotherinlaw's live-in girlfriend walked out on him a couple days ago. They've been together 4 years and bought a house together (well actually only HIS name is on it). She's always been wanting to get married and have a couple kids. He's been noncommital about the "marriage" issue for the whole time but less so about having kids. He's maintained that he loves her and is forever committed to her and gave her a "promise ring" over a year ago. He just objects to the "idea" of being married, He says he just doesn't like the institution of marriage, BUT was always vacillating on it, sometimes saying 'yeah, maybe in the future', sometimes saying 'why get married it's just a piece of paper'. The promise-ring thing placated her for almost a year, but she really starting talking more about wanting to get married and then have kids. She REALLY wanted to be married to him. He kept saying he needed more time to think about it so she gave him about four more months.

Well last week she just had enough of his non-committal committment to her and walked.

It's not what either one wanted, but after four years, he wouldn't commit to marriage and she wouldn't continue living with him (and eventually have kids) without marriage.

Now they're both sad.



UPDATE
Okay, so now after just a few days of his GF walking out on him after four years together, he's contacted a girl he used to date before this one and he's going to meet up with her. Oh jeez is he on a big rebound.

Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:16:44 AM EDT
They will be married within a couple of months.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:18:09 AM EDT
And divorced a few months after she gets pregnant.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:18:15 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:19:50 AM EDT
Retirement plan for her, an 18-year sentence for him.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:21:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Troy:

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
They will be married within a couple of months.



And divorced a year later. And it will be messy.

-Troy

That's so true.

A good friend of mine was with his same girlfriend for almost 20 years, lived together for over 10 years, And then they got married. One year later they were divorced. What is with people that this stuff happens? Is it that they think getting married will improve a relationship and when it doesn't they get all disappointed?
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:23:07 AM EDT
Good for her.
She's not getting what she is looking for in the relationship, and I bet he has been.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:24:17 AM EDT
Women want a wedding, not a marriage.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:28:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By HBruns:
Good for her.
She's not getting what she is looking for in the relationship, and I bet he has been.



+1

Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:31:56 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:32:22 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:32:49 AM EDT
your BL is a smart man... I'll leave it at that
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:34:19 AM EDT
And then he will be paying for his and her kids child support from the previous one...
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:34:53 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/20/2006 10:35:15 AM EDT by pdg45acp]


Originally Posted By Aimless:

Originally Posted By KAINAM-13:
Women want a wedding, not a marriage.



There's no "Groom" magazine.




As a three timer... I have to say.. that you guys hit the nail on the head....
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:36:26 AM EDT
Good for her.
My Sister-In-Law was happily living with "The love of her life" and had a child with him.
They were wonderfully content and happy together.
Then he was killed in a tragic traffic accident.
His will had not been updated, nor his life insurance.
Nor the name on the mortgage, that she was helping to pay.
Now his sister is taking everything, except what the baby is entitled to through Soc Security.
They have hired an attorney that specialized in probate matters, but it will likely be very trying on my Sister-In-Law before it is all said and done.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:37:29 AM EDT

Originally Posted By KAINAM-13:
Women want a wedding, not a marriage.



Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:37:53 AM EDT

Originally Posted By KAINAM-13:
Women want a wedding, not a marriage.



Now there is a quote that saved me from hell with my first fiance. Once I realized that, I ran with the wind and never looked back.

Weddings ruin a lot of marriages.......
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:40:17 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Leisure_Shoot:
Good for her.
My Sister-In-Law was happily living with "The love of her life" and had a child with him.
They were wonderfully content and happy together.
Then he was killed in a tragic traffic accident.
His will had not been updated, nor his life insurance.
Nor the name on the mortgage, that she was helping to pay.
Now his sister is taking everything, except what the baby is entitled to through Soc Security.
They have hired an attorney that specialized in probate matters, but it will likely be very trying on my Sister-In-Law before it is all said and done.

Yikes!
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:40:17 AM EDT
Tell him he should marry her but make her sign a prenup. If that is a dealbreaker for her then you know her real motivations.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:43:11 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Troy:

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
They will be married within a couple of months.



And divorced a year later. And it will be messy.

-Troy




Once again Troy proves he knows absolutely everything.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:47:46 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By KAINAM-13:
Women want a wedding, not a marriage.






Patty, you are so atypical (in a good way ) compared to 80% of the women that exist out there it's easy to see why you'd think that.

My ex wife was one of those. We knew each other for several years, talked until we were blue in the face about what we wanted from our lives, THOUGHT we saw eye-to-eye and then got married. Didn't mean squat. She REALLY wanted the wedding and the "happily ever after".
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:50:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:






Awesome new avatar.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:52:30 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Troy:

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
They will be married within a couple of months.



And divorced a year later. And it will be messy.

-Troy



She'll be 4mo pregnant (soup needed a little stock)
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 10:56:42 AM EDT

Originally Posted By dolanp:
Tell him he should marry her but make her sign a prenup. If that is a dealbreaker for her then you know her real motivations.



That doesn't work for everyone. I, for instance, would never get married if a prenup was involved. Even though I make more than my SO, I would never agree to sign a prenup prior to marriage. Why? The lack of dedication. When I get married, I'm going to share everything, which means I'm not going to say "until death do us part" lightly. If the consequences aren't taken seriously, neither will the decision.

In other words, if she rejects the prenup, it could very well be because she sees it as a lack of trust, faith, and dedication, not because she's looking for a goldmine.

Divorce should hurt.

-James
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 11:00:24 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Meta4:
In other words, if she rejects the prenup, it could very well be because she sees it as a lack of trust, faith, and dedication, not because she's looking for a goldmine.

Good point.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 11:01:47 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Meta4:

Originally Posted By dolanp:
Tell him he should marry her but make her sign a prenup. If that is a dealbreaker for her then you know her real motivations.



That doesn't work for everyone. I, for instance, would never get married if a prenup was involved. Even though I make more than my SO, I would never agree to sign a prenup prior to marriage. Why? The lack of dedication. When I get married, I'm going to share everything, which means I'm not going to say "until death do us part" lightly. If the consequences aren't taken seriously, neither will the decision.

In other words, if she rejects the prenup, it could very well be because she sees it as a lack of trust, faith, and dedication, not because she's looking for a goldmine.

Divorce should hurt.

-James



Never been divorced before I assume?
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 11:02:22 AM EDT
For most cases, if a relationship goes beyond 2 years without marriage being in the works then you can take that as a big sign that it won't work out. Either one of the two isn't ready or one of the two isn't committed. In this case it sounds like the guy wasn't ready or sure and the girl showed that they "until death" actually meant until she got tired of his crap because if she was really in love with him she would have found a way to make things work. Why is it the one's demanding marriage and commitment are the one's that always walk out first? That doesn't make any sense.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 11:08:33 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Meta4:

Originally Posted By dolanp:
Tell him he should marry her but make her sign a prenup. If that is a dealbreaker for her then you know her real motivations.



That doesn't work for everyone. I, for instance, would never get married if a prenup was involved. Even though I make more than my SO, I would never agree to sign a prenup prior to marriage. Why? The lack of dedication. When I get married, I'm going to share everything, which means I'm not going to say "until death do us part" lightly. If the consequences aren't taken seriously, neither will the decision.

In other words, if she rejects the prenup, it could very well be because she sees it as a lack of trust, faith, and dedication, not because she's looking for a goldmine.

Divorce should hurt.

-James





they should hurt? ok, then why should they only hurt the male financialy & emotionaly(not being able to see his kids).
your point of view is very honorable, but it just will not hold up with how society views marriage these days. Are there some out there who will keep to the "death do us part", sure. but there are a whole lot of others out there who would much rather give up and get a divorce.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 11:15:32 AM EDT
Trust, but verify. You could have your whole heart and soul into it but if she changes her mind you'll be the one getting fooked.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 11:20:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:

Originally Posted By pattymcn:






Awesome new avatar.



Thanks. You can't really see it but Cartman is mooning on the t-shirt!

Airwolf thank you for the compliment. I tell you if I didn't have children I would never marry. I wouldn't shack up either. I don't think men or women know what they want anymore.

Link Posted: 3/20/2006 11:23:21 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/20/2006 11:27:29 AM EDT by WinstonSmith]

Originally Posted By Airwolf:

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By KAINAM-13:
Women want a wedding, not a marriage.






Patty, you are so atypical (in a good way ) compared to 80% of the women that exist out there it's easy to see why you'd think that.

My ex wife was one of those. We knew each other for several years, talked until we were blue in the face about what we wanted from our lives, THOUGHT we saw eye-to-eye and then got married. Didn't mean squat. She REALLY wanted the wedding and the "happily ever after".



He's right.. Beat me to it.

A significant proportion of unmarried women will conveniently forget that the wedding lasts a day and the marriage a good deal longer than that if things go right.

It's to the point where it is considered common and normal for the bride to go through a vicious fit of depression after the wedding as she realizes that the fairy tale portion of the program is in fact over, and everything from here on out is unlikely to require a retinue of formal servants, an excess of lace, and a catering bill capable of launching a small satellite.

Most men you see, realize that the honeymoon is over about twelve seconds before they hand a jeweler a wad of greenbacks for an upscale pebble.

Patty, realize I certainly don't mean to chastise you. The fact that you don't see the world that way is very much to your credit.

ETA- Meta4, one very GOOD reason for a prenup would be you or your spouse being involved in a financial partnership with others. While a divorce should be painful, the financial burden of one should not spill outside the divorcing parties. I understand your point and agree with the concept, but complicated realities might not make that a good way of doing things.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 12:04:04 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
I don't think men or women know what they want anymore.




we have a winner, I tend to agree...
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 1:27:51 PM EDT
Promise ring: A promise that you won't get married.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 2:22:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
They will be married within a couple of months.



I prefer the term, 'mergers and aquisitions'.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 3:07:05 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 3:09:38 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/20/2006 3:12:07 PM EDT by dolanp]

Originally Posted By David_Hineline:
Well she gave it away for free, at least street hookers get paid for it. If you give it away for nothing then it has no value.



I think women in relationships end up getting paid way more than hookers when you figure it out.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 3:11:14 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Rodent:
Retirement plan for her, an 18-year sentence for him.



...so true, there is no good reason for man to get married. Tons of good reasons for a woman to get married.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 3:16:41 PM EDT
If she isn't getting what she wants or needs out of the relationship than she should walk....just the same for the guy.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 3:23:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Meta4:

Originally Posted By dolanp:
Tell him he should marry her but make her sign a prenup. If that is a dealbreaker for her then you know her real motivations.



That doesn't work for everyone. I, for instance, would never get married if a prenup was involved. Even though I make more than my SO, I would never agree to sign a prenup prior to marriage. Why? The lack of dedication. When I get married, I'm going to share everything, which means I'm not going to say "until death do us part" lightly. If the consequences aren't taken seriously, neither will the decision.

In other words, if she rejects the prenup, it could very well be because she sees it as a lack of trust, faith, and dedication, not because she's looking for a goldmine.

Divorce should hurt.


-James



said as only someone who hasent had their heart ripped out and shit on more than once by someone they married can say it.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 3:37:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:

Originally Posted By HBruns:
Good for her.
She's not getting what she is looking for in the relationship, and I bet he has been.



+1




+2
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 3:42:29 PM EDT

Originally Posted By GlockLuvinRedleg:

said as only someone who hasent had their heart ripped out and shit on more than once by someone they married can say it.





+1



BC
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 3:50:17 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TrollAccount:
Brotherinlaw's live-in girlfriend walked out on him a couple days ago. They've been together 4 years and bought a house together (well actually only HIS name is on it). She's always been wanting to get married and have a couple kids. He's been noncommital about the "marriage" issue for the whole time but less so about having kids. He's maintained that he loves her and is forever committed to her and gave her a "promise ring" over a year ago. He just objects to the "idea" of being married, He says he just doesn't like the institution of marriage, BUT was always vacillating on it, sometimes saying 'yeah, maybe in the future', sometimes saying 'why get married it's just a piece of paper'. The promise-ring thing placated her for almost a year, but she really starting talking more about wanting to get married and then have kids. She REALLY wanted to be married to him. He kept saying he needed more time to think about it so she gave him about four more months.

Well last week she just had enough of his non-committal committment to her and walked.

It's not what either one wanted, but after four years, he wouldn't commit to marriage and she wouldn't continue living with him (and eventually have kids) without marriage.

Now they're both sad.




Link Posted: 3/20/2006 4:00:23 PM EDT

Originally Posted By KAINAM-13:

Many
women want a wedding, not a marriage.





Fixed it for ya.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 4:04:21 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TrollAccount:

It's not what either one wanted, but after four years, he wouldn't commit to marriage and she wouldn't continue living with him (and eventually have kids) without marriage.





Woman see marriage as security . Even if it's only an illusion .

If this wasn't true then you would see more of men bitching because
a woman wouldn't marry them
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 6:30:56 PM EDT


UPDATE

Okay, so now after just a few days of his GF walking out on him after four years together, he's contacted a girl he used to date before this one and he's going to meet up with her. Oh jeez is he on a big rebound.

Link Posted: 3/20/2006 6:39:56 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/20/2006 7:14:56 PM EDT by txgp17]
Why buy the cow when you're gettin' the milk for free?
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 6:52:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/20/2006 7:06:33 PM EDT by TRW]
WHY BUY THE COW WHEN YOU ARE GETTING THE MILK FOR FREE!

I don't blame her for walking.

ETA: Txgp17 beat me by 13 minutes
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 7:00:55 PM EDT
Oh jeez.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 7:23:59 PM EDT
This thread beggs the question............

WHY GET MARRIED PERIOD???

I mean......a couple is a couple is a couple. Why should marriage change a damn thing? Didn't change anything in my relationship. Didn't get better, didn't get worse. It is/was the same. If you expect a marriage to make your life somehow blissfull and happy all the time, you are wrong. I got married because it was a necessity to be with her (which I wanted then, and still want now). But if I had not needed to marry her, I wouldn't have. Marriage's time is over. You can thank the female population for that. If us guys wouldn't get dragged through the concertina wire during a divorce, we would probably get married more often and not get worried about the always dubious "commitment issues" you women are so famous for blaming us for. If you really look at it....our "committment issues" are really "probability of financial loss" issues stemming from a draconian system for punishing men for kicking women out, which was based upon a time when women didn't work, couldn't hold a career, etc. Women nowadays can do all that stuff, so why should us guys still get bitch slapped in a marriage?

Go figure.

2 rules about marriage every guy should consider.

1. No marriage without prenup
2. If she won't sign, then remember that there are lots of women out there, and if she won't agree to be on equal footing in your financial relationship.........then she is trying to take advantage of you.
Link Posted: 3/20/2006 7:29:35 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TrollAccount:

UPDATE

Okay, so now after just a few days of his GF walking out on him after four years together, he's contacted a girl he used to date before this one and he's going to meet up with her. Oh jeez is he on a big rebound.




Well being on the rebound is a lot better than agreeing to marry the girl he's been dating for 4 years but never felt right with. Sounds like a step in the right direction. Now he just needs to keep moving away from the old relationship, grow up a little bit, take a couple months and then try things again with someone new.
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