What is the deal with my friend??

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - What is the deal with my friend??

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:02:21 AM EDT

Last night, I ate dinner with several of my friends who are also Psych majors. after a while, the conversation turned to a mutal friend of ours named Allison. I find out that Allison is still dating this jerk, Patrick. Now, I have not been keeping up with the goings on in Allisons life, but last I knew she had broken things off with Patrick because he was abusive, he was a raging alchoholic, and he was always groping and feeling her up, which she said she was not comfortable with. On the flip side of the coin, Patrick was also her first sexual encounterhtAnd now, she's in love. Evidently she visits him all the time and thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. She swears that he has changed. . . She's asked my other friends for advice and they told her to stay away from him, and that the only thing that has really changed is the fact that he can't feel her up anymore. Allison's parents are also discouraging her in this relationship. What does the hive say? Also if anyone is a Psychologist or psych major, does this sound like low grade stockholm syndrome to anyone else?

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:08:14 AM EDT

[#1]

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:10:08 AM EDT

[#2]

Sounds like she's a dumb bitch and you should sever all connections with her, asap.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:10:12 AM EDT

[#3]

Although being a quad has no doubt changed his outlook I doubt Allison would have a meaningful relationship with him outside of friendship.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:13:24 AM EDT

[#4]

If the chick did not like getting felt up she would have moved on long ago. Which I honestly doubt.

Sounds like you have a crush on Allison and want to be the one feeling her up.

This all sounds so high school.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:15:48 AM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
Sounds like she's a dumb bitch and you should sever all connections with her, asap.

hinking.gif

Agreed on the dumb bitch part, but we've been friends for a good while and she has helped me out many a time, so I can not in good conscience walk away (yet).

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:17:34 AM EDT

[#6]

i think its more of of thing like SHE can take care of him now that he can't do shit to/for her. makes her feel more worthiness of a woman? women most always love those abusive guys (atleast the situations i've seen) they always think maybe shit like this will change him, who knows? maybe give him the benefit of the doubt?...

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:19:14 AM EDT

[#7]

How can we offer advice without pics???

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:20:29 AM EDT

[#8]

Perhaps you should get her to focus her attention elsewhere. MJD

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:21:22 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Sounds like she's a dumb bitch and you should sever all connections with her, asap.

Agreed on the dumb bitch part, but we've been friends for a good while and she has helped me out many a time, so I can not in good conscience walk away (yet).

Weakness is such a wimpified emotion.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:27:37 AM EDT

[#10]

Why in God's name would you care? Do you want to feel up this Allison chick yourself, or what?

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:32:35 AM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
How can we offer advice without pics???

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h25/mra002/dced3ac7.jpg

here ya go

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:37:23 AM EDT

[#12]

Kooter's in love.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:37:52 AM EDT

[#13]

Psych major reporting for duty!

In kind of a twisted way, she gets to have her cake and eat it too. No jokes please, well, maybe a few.

She has a man! He can't run away! He must "love" her because he depends upon her. She gets to be all nurturing, and gets brownie points for being "so compassionate". He can't be a (big time) jerk any more. If he's still a verbally abusive small-time jerk, she can blame it on his frustration at his disability. He can't drink any more! AND She gets to play heroine in her own mind.

I liken this to women who "fall in love with" guys in prison. All the rules are different. She sounds like one of these crusading save the whales types with her own personal martyrdom "cause" now.

Sad thing is, when the novelty wears off, it's the quadriplegic guy and his family who will be hurt the worst.

I say there's a significant likelihood she's a borderline personality case who has found a new drama.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:38:55 AM EDT

[#14]

IBTIHIC

It'd Hit it.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:40:38 AM EDT

[#15]

Patrick was also her first sexual encounter

And there you have it.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:43:21 AM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Sounds like she's a dumb bitch and you should sever all connections with her, asap.

Agreed on the dumb bitch part, but we've been friends for a good while and she has helped me out many a time, so I can not in good conscience walk away (yet).

Walk away from what? You didn't even know she was still seeing the guy or that he had his accident.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:49:31 AM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:
Patrick was also her first sexual encounter

And there you have it.

Yes.

Her first and maybe her last if she still sticks with the Quad.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:53:30 AM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Sounds like she's a dumb bitch and you should sever all connections with her, asap.

hinking.gif

Agreed on the dumb bitch part, but we've been friends for a good while and she has helped me out many a time, so I can not in good conscience walk away (yet).

Walk away from what? You didn't even know she was still seeing the guy or that he had his accident.

Whilst we may have not been keeping up with each others lives, it does not mean that there was no friendship. What I am considering walking away from is a friend who, tends to make dumb descisions and not live up to her full potential.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:57:37 AM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:
Psych major reporting for duty!

In kind of a twisted way, she gets to have her cake and eat it too. No jokes please, well, maybe a few.

She has a man! He can't run away! He must "love" her because he depends upon her. She gets to be all nurturing, and gets brownie points for being "so compassionate". He can't be a (big time) jerk any more. If he's still a verbally abusive small-time jerk, she can blame it on his frustration at his disability. He can't drink any more! AND She gets to play heroine in her own mind.

I liken this to women who "fall in love with" guys in prison. All the rules are different. She sounds like one of these crusading save the whales types with her own personal martyrdom "cause" now.

Sad thing is, when the novelty wears off, it's the quadriplegic guy and his family who will be hurt the worst.

I say there's a significant likelihood she's a borderline personality case who has found a new drama.

Translation: Cut & Run

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:57:52 AM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:
Psych major reporting for duty!

In kind of a twisted way, she gets to have her cake and eat it too. No jokes please, well, maybe a few.

She has a man! He can't run away! He must "love" her because he depends upon her. She gets to be all nurturing, and gets brownie points for being "so compassionate". He can't be a (big time) jerk any more. If he's still a verbally abusive small-time jerk, she can blame it on his frustration at his disability. He can't drink any more! AND She gets to play heroine in her own mind.

I liken this to women who "fall in love with" guys in prison. All the rules are different. She sounds like one of these crusading save the whales types with her own personal martyrdom "cause" now.

Sad thing is, when the novelty wears off, it's the quadriplegic guy and his family who will be hurt the worst.

I say there's a significant likelihood she's a borderline personality case who has found a new drama.

You got it.

The roles have now reversed. He no longer has control. In her eyes, she's coming out as the 'winner' in this situation.

Move along, kooter, move along. You don't want to get involved in this...at ALL.

Posted: 3/20/2006 9:59:18 AM EDT

[#21]

At least now he won't be abusive. And they won't do a lot of jogging together.

Posted: 3/20/2006 10:00:02 AM EDT

[#22]

Co-Dependancy

Posted: 3/20/2006 10:06:54 AM EDT

[#23]

Move along.

Posted: 3/20/2006 10:07:50 AM EDT

[#24]

This whole scenario reminds me of a joke:

A desperate woman posts a personal ad that reads: "Lonely woman seeking man who won't beat me, won't run away from me and who is good in bed." A few days later the lady hears the ring of the doorbell. She opens the door to find a man at her door in a wheelchair. He says he's here about the personal ad. The lady asks, will you beat me? He says, I'm a quadrapalegic, I can't use my hands so I can't beat you. The lady then asks, will you run away from me. The man replies, I'm in a wheelchair so I cannot run away from you. The woman asks, are you good in bed? The man asks, how do you think I rang the doorbell?

Yes, I know I'm evil. MJD

Posted: 3/20/2006 10:08:11 AM EDT

[#25]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Psych major reporting for duty!

In kind of a twisted way, she gets to have her cake and eat it too. No jokes please, well, maybe a few.

She has a man! He can't run away! He must "love" her because he depends upon her. She gets to be all nurturing, and gets brownie points for being "so compassionate". He can't be a (big time) jerk any more. If he's still a verbally abusive small-time jerk, she can blame it on his frustration at his disability. He can't drink any more! AND She gets to play heroine in her own mind.

I liken this to women who "fall in love with" guys in prison. All the rules are different. She sounds like one of these crusading save the whales types with her own personal martyrdom "cause" now.

Sad thing is, when the novelty wears off, it's the quadriplegic guy and his family who will be hurt the worst.

I say there's a significant likelihood she's a borderline personality case who has found a new drama.

You got it.

The roles have now reversed. He no longer has control. In her eyes, she's coming out as the 'winner' in this situation.

Move along, kooter, move along. You don't want to get involved in this...at ALL.

Alternatively, there is more to this story that the (possibly) one-sided version we get from kooterthegoat, who apparently wants to "rescue" this girl from all her "bad decisions"

Regardless of whatever details may be missing, I agree with the "move along" sentiment.

Posted: 3/27/2006 3:32:44 PM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:
Kooter's in love.

Posted: 3/27/2006 3:51:08 PM EDT

[#27]

Try treating her like $hit, you might get a piece.

Posted: 3/27/2006 4:04:33 PM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:
How can we offer advice without pics???

I'll second that, +1

Posted: 3/27/2006 4:06:06 PM EDT

[#29]

Take him swimming at the pond/lake again.......(that was a "joke")

Posted: 3/27/2006 4:06:10 PM EDT

[#30]

Quoted:
Last night, I ate dinner with several of my friends who are also Psych majors. after a while, the conversation turned to a mutal friend of ours named Allison. I find out that Allison is still dating this jerk, Patrick. Now, I have not been keeping up with the goings on in Allisons life, but last I knew she had broken things off with Patrick because he was abusive, he was a raging alchoholic, and he was always groping and feeling her up, which she said she was not comfortable with. On the flip side of the coin, Patrick was also her first sexual encounter Now last night I find out that about 6 mon. ago, dear ole Patrick got drunk and went out to the lake and swan dove of the pier. He broke his neck in 3 places. He's now a quad.
And now, she's in love. Evidently she visits him all the time and thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. She swears that he has changed. . . She's asked my other friends for advice and they told her to stay away from him, and that the only thing that has really changed is the fact that he can't feel her up anymore. Allison's parents are also discouraging her in this relationship. What does the hive say? Also if anyone is a Psychologist or psych major, does this sound like low grade stockholm syndrome to anyone else?

No it sounds like a typical case of battered womens syndrome, for it to be Stockholm syndrome, she would have to be a hostage or kidnap victim. All you and everyone els involved can do is to offer her support. She will not leave until she is ready and that will not be in anyone elses timeframe.

Posted: 3/27/2006 4:12:30 PM EDT

[#31]

In my experience, folks in the Psych arena in general are crazier than the majority of their clients.

For her, he's a pet. The novelty will pass when she has to wipe his ass and doctor his decubitus ulcers...

Wait in the wings and hit it like a young William Shatner!

Posted: 3/27/2006 4:59:32 PM EDT

[#32]

Give up...

You can't save people from themselves.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - What is the deal with my friend??

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