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Posted: 3/19/2006 4:43:47 PM EDT
Can you cry under water?

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

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Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

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What disease did cured ham actually have?

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

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Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

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If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 4:47:19 PM EDT
Can you put a dick on both cheeks of a man at the same time?
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 4:48:21 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 4:57:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Can you cry under water? Yes, but usually not for long.

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Technically, it just has to be someone out to specifically murder someone to be an assassination.

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Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Opinions vs what you're thinking, which may or may not be an opinion?

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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Not unless you're in a Beetlejuice sequel.

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box? It's harder to make a round box.

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What disease did cured ham actually have? None. It's been preserved.

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Bell hops were still popular.

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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? Because they're idiots.

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Yes.

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Blame the english language.

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? More money and time than sense?

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. People are stupid.

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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural "Bra" is short for brassiere, which is named after the French guy who invented the stupid things.

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Does your amplifier have an 11 setting?

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? The song isn't about Jimmy, it's about the blue bottle fly, the horse, and the master.

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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? No.

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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Let me get this straight- he's stuck on an island with Maryanne and Ginger and you're asking why he hasn't fixed the boat?

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Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? The latter is socially unacceptable.

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! Pluto and Goofy originally symbolized free and enslaved black men.

Okay, I just made that bullshit up. The truth is, Walt Disney wanted it that way. Who cares why.


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If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? Because he's a fucking idiot.

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? Mineral oil.

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Very rarely.

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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? No.

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Why did you just try singing the two songs above? I didn't.

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? Two words: breath mint.

Link Posted: 3/19/2006 5:00:47 PM EDT
Swindle1984 ruins yet another thread with his thinking!
Damnit man, you're supposed to just read them and chuckle, not actually think!
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 5:03:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 5:04:20 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Can you cry under water?


Yes

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

More important than you or I.



Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?


Because people will always tell you more than you want to know. This post for instance.


Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Streets paved with gold and you think you'll be wearing those ratty-ass clothes in a swank joint like heaven?


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


Because hat boxes are too deep.


What disease did cured ham actually have?


A fatal one.


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


Lugging baggage wasn't a big deal until until you have to drag it through the airport on the moon.


Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?


Because I sleep like shit.


If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


Yep and they still enter a plea.


Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?


Because TV's are too small to be in, duh!

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

To check their roofs for damage.


Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.


Because they like the anticipation.


Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural


To answer this would be a CoC violation.


Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


Because I got a tapeworm and it's good enough for him!


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

To put Jimmy in his damned place. He needs to be reminded often that no one cares a wit about his corn cracking! He's got an ego on him.


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Sure. Anyone can drive in the carpool lane, just be prepared for the consequences.



If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


Because the boat didn't need a coconut battery.


Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?


You don't. I guess I'm the only one.


Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!


Goofy is erect because Minnie is fucking-goofy.


If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?


Why do people hunt when they can buy meat at a store?


If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?


Babies. You didn't think they were just for eating did you?


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

That leads into a whole discussion of hole-flow.


Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why not, there are plenty of rip off tunes these days.

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

I didn't, I hummed them because I didn't know the words.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

I don't blow dogs.
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 5:05:20 PM EDT

Originally Posted By walrus:
Can you put a dick on both cheeks of a man at the same time?





Link Posted: 3/19/2006 5:05:36 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:



There always has to be THAT asshole in every group.
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 5:05:51 PM EDT
..
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 6:20:40 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:



There always has to be THAT asshole in every group.



I think of it as providing a public service. Other people write "Hammer Time!" at the bottom of stop signs as their contribution to society.
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 6:25:59 PM EDT
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear crash helmuts?
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 7:26:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!




I have been asking that question ever since I was a kid!!
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 7:28:50 PM EDT
87 to all
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 7:31:45 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 7:34:07 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:



There always has to be THAT asshole in every group.



I think of it as providing a public service. Other people write "Hammer Time!" at the bottom of stop signs as their contribution to society.



What they SHOULD be writing is "Alright" above STOP and "Collaberate and listen!" beneath it

Bonus points if anyone gets that.....
Link Posted: 3/19/2006 7:58:51 PM EDT

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?



I always wondered....Once you're in heaven, does your Sh*t still stink?
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