Quoted: Can you cry under water?
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Yes
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
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More important than you or I.
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
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Because people will always tell you more than you want to know. This post for instance.
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
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Streets paved with gold and you think you'll be wearing those ratty-ass clothes in a swank joint like heaven?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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Because hat boxes are too deep.
What disease did cured ham actually have?
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A fatal one.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
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Lugging baggage wasn't a big deal until until you have to drag it through the airport on the moon.
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
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Because I sleep like shit.
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
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Yep and they still enter a plea.
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
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Because TV's are too small to be in, duh!
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
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To check their roofs for damage.
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
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Because they like the anticipation.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural
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To answer this would be a CoC violation.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
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Because I got a tapeworm and it's good enough for him!
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
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To put Jimmy in his damned place. He needs to be reminded often that no one cares a wit about his corn cracking! He's got an ego on him.
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
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Sure. Anyone can drive in the carpool lane, just be prepared for the consequences.
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
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Because the boat didn't need a coconut battery.
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
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You don't. I guess I'm the only one.
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
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Goofy is erect because Minnie is fucking-goofy.
If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
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Why do people hunt when they can buy meat at a store?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
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Babies. You didn't think they were just for eating did you?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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That leads into a whole discussion of hole-flow.
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
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Why not, there are plenty of rip off tunes these days.
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
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I didn't, I hummed them because I didn't know the words.
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
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I don't blow dogs.