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Posted: 3/9/2006 12:00:55 PM EDT
I recently found out this girl I know from college has a problem with cutting herself. She is also bulimic. Nice girl, a little bit crasy obviously but nice.

I found out because one nite she was drunk and decided to start telling me this stuff. I convinced her to start seeing a doctor which she has. To make things worse this girl has a thing for me (I know, stay FAR away) But I could stand by while this girl killed herself slowly.

But my question is why do people, especially women it seems do stuff like this? I can understand the bulimia to an extent with the pressure to be buetiful, but the cutting!? Ive started to become more aware so to speek and stuff like this seems prevalent among women on campus.

What makes someone who honestly lives a great life(rich, white, getting an excelent education) so upset they want to hurt themselves?

I guess I just dont get crazy people.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:02:31 PM EDT
Run away and don't look back. You can't help those who don't want to be helped.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:03:55 PM EDT
They like it rough.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:04:00 PM EDT

Originally Posted By -RotorDemon-:
Run away and don't look back. You can't help those who don't want to be helped.




Amen!!!

That is so true.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:05:19 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/9/2006 12:23:52 PM EDT by jollyroger]
Attention maybe?
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:08:45 PM EDT
it makes them feel. there so empty inside and hate themselves so much that the cutting is a release and its something they can feel its real in there minds.

probably she is in pain. and hurts most of the time. does she Smoke? if so i bet there is brun marks also.

Ronald
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:09:50 PM EDT
Does she have a hatchet wound to go with the cuts?


Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:11:08 PM EDT

Originally Posted By -RotorDemon-:
Run away and don't look back. You can't help those who don't want to be helped.



dont worry I aint gonna touch that with a 10 foot pole,

However im not just going to stand by when somebody needs help, its not in my nature.

I did what I could to help, but if in the end she doesnt want the help, then its no longer my problem.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:11:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By rmdye:
it makes them feel. there so empty inside and hate themselves so much that the cutting is a release and its something they can feel its real in there minds.

probably she is in pain. and hurts most of the time. does she Smoke? if so i bet there is brun marks also.

Ronald


I hurt myself today,
to see if I still feel.
I focus on the pain,
the only thing that's real.

"Hurt" - Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:11:50 PM EDT
They do it because of some real of perceived pain from an outside source (usually abuse) - when they cut themselves, THEY'RE the ones who inflict the pain and can make it stop it gives them a sense of control. I'm glad she's taken your advice to get help.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:14:16 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/9/2006 12:16:34 PM EDT by BuckeyeRifleman]

Originally Posted By rmdye:
it makes them feel. there so empty inside and hate themselves so much that the cutting is a release and its something they can feel its real in there minds.

probably she is in pain. and hurts most of the time. does she Smoke? if so i bet there is brun marks also.

Ronald



nope doesnt smoke,

her parents treat her like dirt, tell her shes fat ect...

makes me sick, how could someone say that to thier child

She has the lowest self confidence and self worth of anyone ive ever met

ETA Unfortunately she wont talk to the doctor about the cutting because she is afraid her parents are going to find out,

When her parents found out she was bulimic they started yelling at her and wouldnt get her any help
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:17:48 PM EDT

Originally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman:
I recently found out this girl I know from college has a problem with cutting herself. She is also bulimic. Nice girl, a little bit crasy obviously but nice.

I found out because one nite she was drunk and decided to start telling me this stuff. I convinced her to start seeing a doctor which she has. To make things worse this girl has a thing for me (I know, stay FAR away) But I could stand by while this girl killed herself slowly.

But my question is why do people, especially women it seems do stuff like this? I can understand the bulimia to an extent with the pressure to be buetiful, but the cutting!? Ive started to become more aware so to speek and stuff like this seems prevalent among women on campus.

What makes someone who honestly lives a great life(rich, white, getting an excelent education) so upset they want to hurt themselves?

I guess I just dont get crazy people.



It's pain transferal. She's taking all the pain she feels emotionally, and transferring it to physical pain, to mask or take away the emotional pain.

She's really not trying to kill herself. They're called "cutters".
And yeah, they usually are girls.

Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:21:40 PM EDT
People mutilating themselves intentionally?!!! Creepy!
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:22:24 PM EDT

Originally Posted By j-fonz:
Does she have a hatchet wound to go with the cuts?






Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:26:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman:

But my question is why do people, especially women it seems do stuff like this?



Because they're nuts.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:26:54 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Shane333:
People mutilating themselves intentionally?!!! Creepy!



What's creepy is to see someone covered in scars. I am friends with a girl who was sexually abused by her father growing up, and she cut herself to hide from the emotional pain. It was easier for her to deal with the physical pain.

She now has cuts all up and down her arms and legs, in cross hatches. All scarred over. Cuts on top of cuts on top of cuts.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:27:26 PM EDT
they are addicted to pain....
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:27:43 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Old_Painless:

Originally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman:

But my question is why do people, especially women it seems do stuff like this?



Because they're nuts.



I think that was already established
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:29:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By JFP:
they are addicted to pain....



No they're not. It's just that physical pain is easier for them to handle and it takes the focus away from the emotional pain they're feeling.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:31:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/9/2006 12:32:50 PM EDT by Magoo6541]
I had a friend that cut himself. We were in the marines and I accidently walked into the bathroom and he was droppin a douce... His chest was cut up, his legs were cut up... A couple needed stiches and he had "HATE" cut into his thigh. I convinced him to go and get help. The only thing he wanted was to stay in the marines and what happened... The kicked him out. Didn't even give him counceling for it. I felt really bad about that.

He wasn't suicidal... Just liked to cut himself.

ETA


Originally Posted By daisywench:

Originally Posted By JFP:
they are addicted to pain....



No they're not. It's just that physical pain is easier for them to handle and it takes the focus away from the emotional pain they're feeling.



+1
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:34:36 PM EDT
Great fucks, but for Christ's sake, give them a fake name.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:37:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By daisywench:

Originally Posted By Shane333:
People mutilating themselves intentionally?!!! Creepy!



What's creepy is to see someone covered in scars. I am friends with a girl who was sexually abused by her father growing up, and she cut herself to hide from the emotional pain. It was easier for her to deal with the physical pain.

She now has cuts all up and down her arms and legs, in cross hatches. All scarred over. Cuts on top of cuts on top of cuts.





That girl's father needs to be executed.

I feel very sad for your friend. I just don't know what more to say. Prayers offered on her behalf.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:39:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Shane333:

Originally Posted By daisywench:

Originally Posted By Shane333:
People mutilating themselves intentionally?!!! Creepy!



What's creepy is to see someone covered in scars. I am friends with a girl who was sexually abused by her father growing up, and she cut herself to hide from the emotional pain. It was easier for her to deal with the physical pain.

She now has cuts all up and down her arms and legs, in cross hatches. All scarred over. Cuts on top of cuts on top of cuts.





That girl's father needs to be executed.

I feel very sad for your friend. I just don't know what more to say. Prayers offered on her behalf.



She's actually doing very well. She got herself into therapy, she's in a relationship with a great guy, she's writing plays. But she still has scars.
Huge scars.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:39:47 PM EDT
It's not just women that do that shit. I know a few guys that are cutters and addicted to getting tatoos. Several body builders also have a thing similar to anorexia where they don't think they are big enough.
Shit like this is becoming more and more common among guys.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:51:01 PM EDT
When i saw this thread title, i immediately thought of the movie "Secretary" .
Go watch that one for a glimpse into these minds...

Also the chick in it is hot
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:51:17 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/9/2006 12:54:30 PM EDT by JarheadPatriot]

Originally Posted By daisywench:

Originally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman:
I recently found out this girl I know from college has a problem with cutting herself. She is also bulimic. Nice girl, a little bit crasy obviously but nice.

I found out because one nite she was drunk and decided to start telling me this stuff. I convinced her to start seeing a doctor which she has. To make things worse this girl has a thing for me (I know, stay FAR away) But I could stand by while this girl killed herself slowly.

But my question is why do people, especially women it seems do stuff like this? I can understand the bulimia to an extent with the pressure to be buetiful, but the cutting!? Ive started to become more aware so to speek and stuff like this seems prevalent among women on campus.

What makes someone who honestly lives a great life(rich, white, getting an excelent education) so upset they want to hurt themselves?

I guess I just dont get crazy people.



It's pain transferal. She's taking all the pain she feels emotionally, and transferring it to physical pain, to mask or take away the emotional pain.

She's really not trying to kill herself. They're called "cutters".
And yeah, they usually are girls.





Thank you Daisy.................all you other Morons, need to buy a clue.....I have recently taken custody of my 15 yr old niece who was doing this...............She isn't crazy, she doesn't "want attention", she doesn't smoke or do drugs..............she was getting emotionally and physically abused at home....I now have her in therapy and counseling....you fucking armchair psychiatrists need to do some research before you talk down about someone's problems............godamn.......
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:55:24 PM EDT

Originally Posted By twonami:
It's not just women that do that shit. I know a few guys that are cutters and addicted to getting tatoos. Several body builders also have a thing similar to anorexia where they don't think they are big enough.
Shit like this is becoming more and more common among guys.



I can understand a need to find some sort of control. As a kid, and especially as an insecure teenager I got into working out as a means of finding control and increasing my self esteem. I'd do 250+ pushups a day, 500+ situps/crunches, run 4-6 miles, etc. I had less than 4% body fat and had(emphasis on past tense) the body of a greek god. When I got really upset or stressed I'd grab an axe and chop wood for an hour in the back yard.

My point is that I understand the need for control and the need for a release. What is hard to understand is this self destructive behavior.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:56:18 PM EDT
Had a friend putting large safety pins through her legs and locking them closed after an argument with her boyfriend. I'm not talking through the top layer of skin, she went for the meaty parts. She has some "issues" but she is still a friend. She also cut herself that day too.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:58:34 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Shane333:

Originally Posted By twonami:
It's not just women that do that shit. I know a few guys that are cutters and addicted to getting tatoos. Several body builders also have a thing similar to anorexia where they don't think they are big enough.
Shit like this is becoming more and more common among guys.



I can understand a need to find some sort of control. As a kid, and especially as an insecure teenager I got into working out as a means of finding control and increasing my self esteem. I'd do 250+ pushups a day, 500+ situps/crunches, run 4-6 miles, etc. I had less than 4% body fat and had(emphasis on past tense) the body of a greek god. When I got really upset or stressed I'd grab an axe and chop wood for an hour in the back yard.

My point is that I understand the need for control and the need for a release. What is hard to understand is this self destructive behavior.



got any pics, Shane?

sorry. wrong thread.

Yeah. The human species. We're different all right.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 12:59:58 PM EDT

Originally Posted By UH_SALT_RIFLE:
Had a friend putting large safety pins through her legs and locking them closed after an argument with her boyfriend. I'm not talking through the top layer of skin, she went for the meaty parts. She has some "issues" but she is still a friend. She also cut herself that day too.



Yeah this girl does it after the cat fights with the other girls in the hall.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:01:36 PM EDT

Originally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman:

Originally Posted By UH_SALT_RIFLE:
Had a friend putting large safety pins through her legs and locking them closed after an argument with her boyfriend. I'm not talking through the top layer of skin, she went for the meaty parts. She has some "issues" but she is still a friend. She also cut herself that day too.



Yeah this girl does it after the cat fights with the other girls in the hall.



Well, THAT sounds like a self esteem issue.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:09:20 PM EDT
Also, don't assume the crap she says about her parents is necessarily true. People in this situation tend to have a warped sense of reality and will tell you things like this to get you on their side or make you feel sorry for them.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:10:15 PM EDT

Originally Posted By daisywench:

Originally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman:

Originally Posted By UH_SALT_RIFLE:
Had a friend putting large safety pins through her legs and locking them closed after an argument with her boyfriend. I'm not talking through the top layer of skin, she went for the meaty parts. She has some "issues" but she is still a friend. She also cut herself that day too.



Yeah this girl does it after the cat fights with the other girls in the hall.



Well, THAT sounds like a self esteem issue.



I seem to have a lot of women around me with self esteem issues. Hell even my guy friends have self esteem issues too.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:11:37 PM EDT
Some people are just stupid.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:13:21 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:15:04 PM EDT
"Cutters" normally cut or hurt themselves to control something, anything. They feel they have no power in decisions about their lives and themselves and cutting is something they can control completely. It does not effect only gorls, 10-15% of cutters are boys, but they tend to hide it MUCH better then the girls.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:18:10 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Jarhead_22:
I dated an anorexic girl for a few years. Believe me, there's nothing you can do to help. All your earnest, selfless intentions and actions won't get through the filter she has in her mind. She can either help herself or hurt herself, and the only thing you say that she'll believe is that which reinforces what she already believes.

Sorry, man.



You can get them to a doctor. Doctors can help in most cases.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:21:02 PM EDT
I believe that the people who engage in this behavior are called "Inflictors".
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:21:27 PM EDT
My best female friend was both anorexic and a cutter/burner. At one point she weighed 80lbs (5'4"). She has cuts down both arms, burns on her hand, words carved into her breasts and other perceived "fat" parts, ect. It is very frustrating as a friend! She's been clean of both these things for just over a year now. I can tell it is a constant fight. In the end, the decision had to be hers. No one could change it for her; and actually, the more you would push as a friend, the farther she would go. It is about control, something she can control no matter what the outside world has to say about it. Don't try to play the hero role and fix her, you can't do that in this case. IM if you want to chat more about it.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:25:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MGNiko:
My best female friend was both anorexic and a cutter/burner. At one point she weighed 80lbs (5'4"). She has cuts down both arms, burns on her hand, words carved into her breasts and other perceived "fat" parts, ect. It is very frustrating as a friend! She's been clean of both these things for just over a year now. I can tell it is a constant fight. In the end, the decision had to be hers. No one could change it for her; and actually, the more you would push as a friend, the farther she would go. It is about control, something she can control no matter what the outside world has to say about it. Don't try to play the hero role and fix her, you can't do that in this case. IM if you want to chat more about it.



My friend is very skinny as well. She looks like a walking skeleton some times and then other times she fills in and looks normal. Makes me wonder if she doesn't also have an eating disorder?
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:32:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/9/2006 1:34:22 PM EDT by BuckeyeRifleman]

Originally Posted By UH_SALT_RIFLE:

Originally Posted By MGNiko:
My best female friend was both anorexic and a cutter/burner. At one point she weighed 80lbs (5'4"). She has cuts down both arms, burns on her hand, words carved into her breasts and other perceived "fat" parts, ect. It is very frustrating as a friend! She's been clean of both these things for just over a year now. I can tell it is a constant fight. In the end, the decision had to be hers. No one could change it for her; and actually, the more you would push as a friend, the farther she would go. It is about control, something she can control no matter what the outside world has to say about it. Don't try to play the hero role and fix her, you can't do that in this case. IM if you want to chat more about it.



My friend is very skinny as well. She looks like a walking skeleton some times and then other times she fills in and looks normal. Makes me wonder if she doesn't also have an eating disorder?



Probably, unfortunately this girl isnt the first girl that I know that have had eating disorders. Ive had two close family members go through anorexia, and I can tell you, if you suspect it, your usually right.

I dont know how close you are to this girl, but my recomendation is tell her that you are worried that she is loosing too much weight and doesnt look healthy. Thats not going to be easy, and she might react irrationally, but the issue has to be addressed, and you might be the only one that cares enough to do it.

ETA With anorexia what they see in the mirror isnt usually what you see, and they wont know they have a problem till someone says something about it.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:32:18 PM EDT

Originally Posted By UH_SALT_RIFLE:

Originally Posted By MGNiko:
My best female friend was both anorexic and a cutter/burner. At one point she weighed 80lbs (5'4"). She has cuts down both arms, burns on her hand, words carved into her breasts and other perceived "fat" parts, ect. It is very frustrating as a friend! She's been clean of both these things for just over a year now. I can tell it is a constant fight. In the end, the decision had to be hers. No one could change it for her; and actually, the more you would push as a friend, the farther she would go. It is about control, something she can control no matter what the outside world has to say about it. Don't try to play the hero role and fix her, you can't do that in this case. IM if you want to chat more about it.



My friend is very skinny as well. She looks like a walking skeleton some times and then other times she fills in and looks normal. Makes me wonder if she doesn't also have an eating disorder?



Reminds me of a co-worker I knew who suffered from bulemia. Some ex-boyfriend of hers was emotionally abusive about her weight (she'd never been big but he wanted a waif I guess) and she was on a downward spiral until she ended up being rushed to the hospital. After that she started getting the professional help she needed.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:35:12 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:38:40 PM EDT
The vast majority of "cutters" have been either sexually or physically abused.

Fastest way to understand it: a switch gets flipped as a coping mechanism...pain=pain become pain=pleasure or, at least, not as unpleasurable.

Then, later, when the person is under stress and they cut themselves, it lowers their stress level.

The only way to fix this= work with a good therapist who specializes in physical and sexual abuse issues.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:41:17 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Old_Painless:

Originally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman:

But my question is why do people, especially women it seems do stuff like this?



Because they're nuts.



Don't call it like it is!
Don't tell me the truth!
I can't handle it!
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!




Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:41:50 PM EDT
I would love to step in and try to help my friend but she cut me off due to her new loser boyfriend thinking my wife and I are bad for her. She is a sucker for shitty men.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:47:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By UH_SALT_RIFLE:
I would love to step in and try to help my friend but she cut me off due to her new loser boyfriend thinking my wife and I are bad for her. She is a sucker for shitty men.



Unfortunately women with emotional problems are atracted to men who treat them like dirt.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 1:56:46 PM EDT
I have heard it called pain transferal.
Emotional pain, into physical pain.
I don't think she is trying to kill herself.
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 2:03:15 PM EDT


For some its to make the outside of the body match the inside of the body. Sometimes its just for cutter to see but sometimes its for others to see (sometimes both).
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 2:10:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By five2one:

For some its to make the outside of the body match the inside of the body. Sometimes its just for cutter to see but sometimes its for others to see (sometimes both).



A sort of cry for help?
Link Posted: 3/9/2006 2:11:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By thedoctors308:
I have heard it called pain transferal.
Emotional pain, into physical pain.
I don't think she is trying to kill herself.



They're not.
Even those who "try to kill themselves" rarely are actually trying. Self esteem issues are huge in today's women.

You want to know what is wrong with people in this country?
Dysfunctional families with virtually nonexistent parenting.
Guys are messed up to. Just not as much and not as often.

Women go around searching for something to fill their self-esteem, their empty souls. Unfotunately, the things that give them immediate short term gratification are more destructive in the long run. Self indulgence only leaves them more empty. It is obvious to an objective observer but not to the whackos, or their mommies.
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