Sent a student to surgery rotation, he reports this!! - Page 2

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Sent a student to surgery rotation, he reports this!! (Page 2 of 2)

Posted: 4/2/2006 11:23:40 PM EDT

[#1]

www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_216b.html

Now this guy is probably a member here!

In 1955 one man who was "feeling depressed" reportedly inserted a six-inch paper tube into his rectum, dropped in a lighted firecracker, and blew a hole in his anterior rectal wall. This changed his mood real quick.

Vulcan94

Posted: 4/2/2006 11:36:44 PM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:
archive.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=375418

Poseted by Sewer_Urchin

Being an EMT, I never run out of crazy stories. Most of the time, I'm a taxi cab, but every once in a while someone tries to die. When someone decides to stop breathing or pumping blood, I keep them breathing and keep thier heart beating until we get to a hospital, at which point they can do whatever they damn well please. Our time is usually many days of routine boring shit interupted every other week or so by something crazy. But every once in a great while we get a call that is totally out of this world. This story is one of them. We were stationed shootin' the shit when we got a page, for:

Priority: 1
chief complaint: Pelvis
Address: 1234 some street Private residence.
Dest: ABC Hospital

Priority 1, we are on the way. With a C/C of pelvis, I naturally assumed that an elderly pt. fell and broke thier hip or factured their pelvis. I went over the mental checklist of what I would do. C-Spine em'. If it is a Femur fx: Sager etc. Unbeknowst to me, my entire reality about human decency and morality was about to be shattered.

We get on scene and a guy is with his boyfriend. Boyfriend is face down with his pants around his ankles grunting in pain with his teeth clenched. Upon further inspection, we see a fish tail sticking out of his ass. I'm not talking about a gold fish or a guppy mind you. Oh, no, no, no! I'm talking what looked like a 1lb. trout! A frickin' foot long trout that you might find in the seafood department of your local super store. And only about 3" of the tail were sticking out, meaning that most of the 1 pound or so was stuck up in there. By simply looking at the tail, one could easiliy tell that this wasn't any normal fish. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My emmotions went from confusion, to shock, to sheer horror, and then to hysterical laughter. Try as I might I had to check myself several times to keep from bursting into uncontrollable laughter.

Apperently, the fish was being used as a dildo, which is fine I guess (hey, whatever floats your boat), but it was frozen. Upon thawing, the scales expanded and did not allow the fish to come back out. The b/f tried pulling it out using several different methods including lubrication and pulling but nothing worked. Never in my wildest days would I have thought of sticking a fish up anyone's ass, and I would never have thought that scales would expand to the point that they would cut or prohibit pulling it out. After some descussion with my partner, we decided that we were not going to pull it out and that we were going to take the poor idiot to the ER and let them take care of it. What do you say to a guy with a fish stuck up his ass? Partner and I have been damaged and will not ever be the same again. During our break, we went into a grocery store and walked by the fish isle. When we saw the fish, we were rolling on the floor laughing. We then came up with a few lines we should have said the the guy when we had him. Oh how I wish I would have thought up these gems while we were enroute to the ER:

"No more cucumbers huh?"
"Was the vegetable crisper out of carrots?"
"You fucking idiot! Wrap it in a condom first. "
"Chew your food before you swallow."
"Are you Luco Bratzi? Because I hear he sleeps with the fishes"

I'm never going to see fish the same way ever again. Truth truely is stranger than fiction. After seeing movies like "brining out the dead", and shows like "ER", "Third Watch", this one takes the cake. TV writters got nothing on me!. What would you have said to this guy? Although I know it would have resulted in my suspension and possible firing, I would have loved to have told the guy any of the above lines.

edited to add: It has been brought to my attention that trout don't have scales and that it probably was the fins/gills keeping the fish from coming out and not scales. I don't know much about fish or fishing, but I have caught a trout before. I still think it was a trout, but the thing holding it in there was probably something other than scales.

Posted: 4/2/2006 11:39:50 PM EDT

[#3]

Quoted:
that would suck to trip and fall on a dildo like that

So what the Hell are you supposed to do if that actually happens?
No one's going to believe you...

Posted: 4/2/2006 11:45:08 PM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Remember the story a few months back about the trout

Brown trout?

-K

Rainbow............Trout..........

It was a bASS.

Posted: 4/3/2006 1:12:58 AM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:

A professor from a nearby community college was copulating with her German Shepherd and became attached to said dog after said dog finished the act (don't ask me how). Ambulance/Fire rescue were dispatched.

IIRC from my veterinary tech classes, a dogs wang has a gland on it that swells after it gets off so it's stuck in the bitch for a little bit...suppose to insure the process is complete I guess.

*I could be wrong, it might be a different animal, but I think that's the jist of it.

Posted: 4/3/2006 1:18:50 AM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
Quoted:
that would suck to trip and fall on a dildo like that

So what the Hell are you supposed to do if that actually happens?
No one's going to believe you...

Thats where the ''Honest to god Doc,it was a million to one shot'' part comes in.

Posted: 4/3/2006 1:45:07 AM EDT

[#7]

One would be sick for tagging this thread....just sick.

Posted: 4/3/2006 1:51:03 AM EDT

[#8]

Quoted:
One would be sick for tagging this thread....just sick.

I concur.

Posted: 4/3/2006 2:05:41 AM EDT

[#9]

Damn.

My ass hurts just looking at these x rays.

Posted: 4/3/2006 2:39:42 AM EDT

[#10]

Quoted:
For continued medical hilarity, I bring you the "Things I Learned from My Patients" thread from studentdoctor.net's residency forums. You'll laugh, you'll cry. It's a moving experience. (Don't start reading unless you have some time-- it is very long and very addicting.)

edited for spelling...

can someone in the know explain this one to me
"
If you are prone to dystonic reactions and are stealing your roomates meds. Make sure you can tell valium from haldol."

I know what valium is but whats Haldol?

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Sent a student to surgery rotation, he reports this!! (Page 2 of 2)

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